Hello, All and Happy New Year:<p>Well Christmas is about done, the New Year is here and I feel a sense of loneliness that can only come from being in the divorce process.<p>My home is small, but it feels like an old and drafty (draughty?) mansion--empty and alone. Today was beautiful, but I could see only grey skies. Went to Mass, but just did the motions. Listen to Pat Metheny on the CD player, but the notes sound dull.<p>I have a constant fatigue, which dogs me day and night. The only thing that helps physically is the walking I do for exercise (Anna2000, take note) and what helps mentally are my IM buddies (Nina Too Poss, Anna2000, FaithfulWife and Deb take note) But today, my little dogs, my cats my friends at home and far away cannot reach me---I cannot reach me it seems. I feel like a ghost in the world.<p>I am on antidepressants, and do not want to know how I would feel without them. My physician is going to look into raising the dose soon and we shall see how that affects my mood---for the better, I pray.<p>My W has moved on so completely that it has made my head spin. It has only been a few months and I still have not figured out who I am by myself---I feel a sense of incompleteness as if half of my being has been amputated.<p>It is dark and cold both outside and inside as I write this and I do not know what to do. Does anyone out there know what to do? When does the rollercoaster ride stop? I hope it is soon, because I cannot take the bleakness which comes over me, a true winter of the Soul.<p>I am preparing to out for a long walk at a brisk pace and I will see how that affects me. It cannot do me any harm.<p>I know this post sounds very bleak, and that is for a good reason, but can I ask that some of you out there in MB Land reply and lend some aid? I know there is nothing anyone can actually 'do', however, knowing that I am not alone in my feelings on this, the first day of our New Year, will help quite a lot.<p>Thank you in advance,
vb_guy<p>[ January 01, 2002: Message edited by: vb_guy ]</p>

{{{VBGuy}}}
I can feel the pain and loneliness in your words. I've been there, it's an awful place full of darkness and cold that makes the soul feel numb.
It will get better, I promise you. <p>Time passing will help which doesn't solve the here and now but it gives hope of better days ahead. <p>You are walking and getting fresh clean air in your lungs, this is the best thing you can do for yourself. As you breathe out imagine all the darkness and pain leaving your body, as you breathe in imagine light and healing flowing into every vein. Look around you, think about how you can help others. Understand that this is a necessary part of the grieving process and it is temporary. <p>As I said, I've been in that dark place. I can say that it makes the happier times (which will come) more meaningful. <p>Today I embark on a new stage myself. It's scary too. A first date. I haven't dated in 6 years. So you see life does get better. <p>May God wrap you in his healing power and keep you safe during this time of darkness.<p>ASM

((((((((((((((((((((vb_guy)))))))))))))))))))))<p>We all have been where you are. Know that it will pass. It WILL. Time does heal, and you will be stronger for the journey.<p>Having said that, I know you feel like it will never end. The pain and depression is all-encompassing right now, and knowing that it will go away 'one day' probably isn't much consolation.<p>What I do to help myself is some physical activity. For me, it was walking, but with the kids home all the time now, that is a bit difficult. So now I go mow the lawn, pull a few weeds, make my environment pleasing and in order. It helps me a lot. And it especially helps if I do it all at 100 mph!!!!!<p>Be kind to yourself vb, you have so many good qualities that can be overlooked on days like these. Remember the glad game? Maybe say "I am glad I have so many friends who I can call on to help me, and they understand what I am going through." And when you walk, say "I am glad that I can spend some time walking in this beautiful place." You know what I mean?<p>We all know how darkness can overtake the light within. "You can't be a beacon if your light don't shine" (Emmy Lou). So I will send you a huge dose of healing light today, to help boost your own reserves. And others here are doing the same, just by reading your thread, and feeling for you.<p>Take heart, vb. <p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by vb_guy:
<strong>Hello, All and Happy New Year:<p>Well Christmas is about done, the New Year is here and I feel a sense of loneliness that can only come from being in the divorce process.<p>My home is small, but it feels like an old and drafty (draughty?) mansion--empty and alone. Today was beautiful, but I could see only grey skies. Went to Mass, but just did the motions. Listen to Pat Metheny on the CD player, but the notes sound dull.<p>I have a constant fatigue, which dogs me day and night. The only thing that helps physically is the walking I do for exercise (Anna2000, take note) and what helps mentally are my IM buddies (Nina Too Poss, Anna2000, FaithfulWife and Deb take note) But today, my little dogs, my cats my friends at home and far away cannot reach me---I cannot reach me it seems. I feel like a ghost in the world.<p>I am on antidepressants, and do not want to know how I would feel without them. My physician is going to look into raising the dose soon and we shall see how that affects my mood---for the better, I pray.<p>My W has moved on so completely that it has made my head spin. It has only been a few months and I still have not figured out who I am by myself---I feel a sense of incompleteness as if half of my being has been amputated.<p>It is dark and cold both outside and inside as I write this and I do not know what to do. Does anyone out there know what to do? When does the rollercoaster ride stop? I hope it is soon, because I cannot take the bleakness which comes over me, a true winter of the Soul.<p>I am preparing to out for a long walk at a brisk pace and I will see how that affects me. It cannot do me any harm.<p>I know this post sounds very bleak, and that is for a good reason, but can I ask that some of you out there in MB Land reply and lend some aid? I know there is nothing anyone can actually 'do', however, knowing that I am not alone in my feelings on this, the first day of our New Year, will help quite a lot.<p>Thank you in advance,
vb_guy<p>[ January 01, 2002: Message edited by: vb_guy ]</strong><hr></blockquote>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by vb_guy:
<strong>Hello, All and Happy New Year:<p>Well Christmas is about done, the New Year is here and I feel a sense of loneliness that can only come from being in the divorce process.<p>My home is small, but it feels like an old and drafty (draughty?) mansion--empty and alone. Today was beautiful, but I could see only grey skies. Went to Mass, but just did the motions. Listen to Pat Metheny on the CD player, but the notes sound dull.<p>I have a constant fatigue, which dogs me day and night. The only thing that helps physically is the walking I do for exercise (Anna2000, take note) and what helps mentally are my IM buddies (Nina Too Poss, Anna2000, FaithfulWife and Deb take note) But today, my little dogs, my cats my friends at home and far away cannot reach me---I cannot reach me it seems. I feel like a ghost in the world.<p>I am on antidepressants, and do not want to know how I would feel without them. My physician is going to look into raising the dose soon and we shall see how that affects my mood---for the better, I pray.<p>My W has moved on so completely that it has made my head spin. It has only been a few months and I still have not figured out who I am by myself---I feel a sense of incompleteness as if half of my being has been amputated.<p>It is dark and cold both outside and inside as I write this and I do not know what to do. Does anyone out there know what to do? When does the rollercoaster ride stop? I hope it is soon, because I cannot take the bleakness which comes over me, a true winter of the Soul.<p>I am preparing to out for a long walk at a brisk pace and I will see how that affects me. It cannot do me any harm.<p>I know this post sounds very bleak, and that is for a good reason, but can I ask that some of you out there in MB Land reply and lend some aid? I know there is nothing anyone can actually 'do', however, knowing that I am not alone in my feelings on this, the first day of our New Year, will help quite a lot.<p>Thank you in advance,
vb_guy<p>[ January 01, 2002: Message edited by: vb_guy ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>When one door of happiness closes there is ALWAYS another that opens for us........sometimes,however, your eyes are so focused on the closed door that you don't even notice the one right in front of your face. Look around you vb_guy...........your next opportunity is waiting for you!!!!
Good luck
dawn

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>