I am a 30yr old, mother of 3, Ive been married for 10years, In February I stepped out of marriage, I had what we call "A One Night Stand" with a 24yr old I met in a bar, I told my husband, the guilt was eating at me. Now we are trying to get through this, I dont think I have forgiven myself because Im not sure why it happened in the first place, It has been even harder for my husband I betrayed his trust and am hoping I havent destroyed the strong relationship we did have. I made a mistake, and I know this, is there hope for us? Will he ever forgive me?

Yes, there is hope!<P>I, also, betrayed my husband. We are rebuilding. Some things you can do are counseling, both for yourself and for you as a couple. You and your husband can read lots of books, including those recommended on this site. Read and post here. I can't tell you how much understanding I've gained about myself and my marriage or how much support I've received here. Is your husband committed to the marriage?

It is possible for him to forgive you. I forgave my W after 8 affairs. I beleive the most recent one has gone physical at least once though she won't talk about it because she thinks I am judging her. I am not because that authority has not been granted to me. I love her dearly and am trying to deposit as many love units while standing back to let God take care of the rest. He is using me to show her that she should forgive herself. This morning she told me that she thought she had to learn to love herself before she could love God or anyone else for that matter. The Bible says that you have to love God first and ALL others next and yourself last. In loving in this sequence you love yourself.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

You do have something in your favor...the fact that it wasn't an emotional affair and only happened once is a good thing as far as recovery goes. Mine was emotional too and that has made it harder for my H to get past it.<P>I would still encourage you to seek out the reasons you may have done this to keep it from happening again, but also be sensitive to his hurt and try not to point fingers.<P>He should be very happy you told him! Shows strength and commitment on your part.<P>Good Luck<P>Tracy<P>------------------<BR>"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."

He will probably forgive you. But it's not likely that he will ever trust you the way he did before. You and other betrayers constantly validate what I read when I first came to this board; BLIND TRUST IS A FOOL'S TRUST. He can forgive but of course he will never FORGET what you did. There is a certain childlike innocence in the love between a man and a woman that once betayed can never be rebuilt completly. I think of it like that feeling you have after you find out there is no Santa Claus. Of course you know Christmas comes every year, but it is never the quite the same after the Santa fantasy is ruined. <P>Your betrayal will haunt him for a very very long time. Inside he will die, maybe a little and maybe a lot. I know I did. My wife and I recovered from her one night stand but something pure and innocent is gone forever. And you can believe I will never again set myself up for that kind of emotional trauma by trusting anyone so completly , especially her. Reality sucks.

TryinAgain,<BR> Yes he is committed to the marriage, weve been through alot together. I dont think I realized just how much he really loves me, and the sad thing is I had to make a mistake to see it. Ive asked him about counseling, He says he cant talk to anyone, I was the one he came to when he had a problem and now the problem involves me.

Thank You all for your input and advice, it is so nice to be able to talk to others with simular relationships, Thank YOU!

Dear NoMatterWhat,<BR>I found out my wife had an emotional affair with a coworker for seven months. NEVERAGAIN is right as far as trust, but only in the beginning. It will take a lot for your husband to completely trust you. I've used my wife's affair as something to build on. It made me realize what was wrong with our marriage. You should do the same and help your husband realize the good that can come out of this tragedy. But you can't do it without counseling. I was the kind of guy who did not beleive in it. Wouldn't even hear of it. But now, I go with my wife and it helps to have someone help us communicate. It helped me. I still don't trust my wife completely, but eventually she will gain my trust back. It all depends on her and how much she is willing to put back in the marriage. How much are you willing to put back in?<P>Take care & good luck.

My H and I talked!!! It was wonderful. He needs time to heal, can I help him in anyway?<P>I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!

NMW,<P>Just remember this -- your husband will have to process these feelings...and it may take some time to do that. He's probably going through the *shock* stage now, kind of a surreal in a way, and may experience some major emotions through the following months. But let me say that it's good that you admitted to this early on, and as another poster wrote, this was not an emotional involvement.<P>Be there for him, answer his questions truthfully, and if he expresses anger, understand that this is only natural. Tell him how sorry you are that this happened when he asks you *why??*. I was in your position as well, so I do understand. My husband did not want to go to a counselor, he didn't want outsiders knowing of our problems. Remember, with time and your reassurance to him, it does get better. Good luck to you.