I doubt she's playing mind games..she's probably found that OM isn't what he said he was..and that she really screwed up..or he found that she's not what he thought..but, my guess, is she found life isn't greener..<p>Do you still love her? You can if you do, give conditions to her coming back home..1st and foremost..Counseling..either w/ the Harley's or
a counselor w/ the same basic type principles to work on a marriage..if you can go to a Marriage Builders Seminar..make plans to do that..as a stipulation as well as both of you reading all the material..taking the questionairres and working out a POJA..<p>You can have her move back home and her sleep in another room, and the two of you learn to date each other again..or she can have her own place and you two start dating again..<p>As most WS's feel..the A wasn't the problem in the marriage..their were already problems in the Marriage..you both need to discuss those and work through those so that you can make a true effort to have the type of marriage you both want and need to be happy..<p>You need to have total openness and honesty about your feelings with each other..and what has happened..no matter how much you think it will hurt the other..there needs to be honesty and openness..without getting angry..and blowing up
at each other..no name calling..just sit and listen to each other about how you both 'feel' and have 'felt' so you'll need to know the names for those feelings...other than I'm hurt..or I'm angry..some feel ambivalance..mixed emotions..of wanting to now work on the marriage..or just giving up..<p>There needs to be forgiveness..you would need to forgive her for the affairs..(this is where that unconditional love comes in) and learning about God's love..of hating the sin (what she did, and loving her anyway) loving the sinner..and not throwing it back in their face..it's also the way to learn grace and mercy..knowing that we are all sinners..and we've all done things wrong (sinned)..so we don't judge them or throw stones at them because they screwed up..<p>If you really love her, you can give her another chance..and let her know that this is
something that if it happens again..your not going through all the heart ache again and that yes you love her very much, but..it will be over, that is setting up honest boundries for your own heart..<p>Or you can go ahead and divorce, and then date each other again if you so choose, so that you can try and rebuild the trust you've had destroyed..
or just end the relationship all together..but, you must remember, it's YOUR choice to make..you set up your boundries..if you find she's lying to you..then you end the relationship based on past experience w/ her about lying..because the lying destroys any type of trust you may have tried to rebuild..<p>There is a reason the Bible says -<p>"be angry and sin not; let not the sun go down on upon your wrath" (anger, hurt)<p>I personally feel that this means if you have someone that has hurt you..you talk about it before you go to bed, and you try to resolve it then..you acknowledge the persons feelings that okay you feel this way because..I'm sorry that this hurt you..and it requires learning a new way to communicate w/ each other..by being totally honest and open about how you really feel about things inside..without holding back in order to protect them from being hurt..you need to learn that if they get hurt because of your honesty..then those are their feelings, and they need to learn to face them..and and work through them..and not blame you or someone else for feeling the way they do..
