do you think the ws ever has regrets for the choices they make? for chosing to live with ow instead of working things out with their family? <p>or do you think they are just living happily ever after? i do not want my ws back but i just wonder if they ever think they made a bad decision? he has been pushing for the divorce and i am going to get it started this month. he has been living with ow for months say about 10 i just wonder if he is as happy as he makes himself out to be.<p>he has always been one to go along with things so i believe even if he isnt as happy as he says he'll just go along with it(did it in the marriage for yrs)<p>i am trying to move on and deal with the hurt he has caused me and our 7 yr old daughter whom he did not spend any of the holidays with. not even her bday which was on thanksgiving <p>he calls here and there to speak to her
him and i don't speak

Yes, I believe the ws has regrets for what they have done. My stbxh walked out on me and my two boys (6 & 2) in August 2001 and hasn't looked back. I found out about the ow in Sept. 2001, supposedly they were "friends" while we were still together. I can tell my stbxh is not happy. Every time I see him I can see it in his face, every time I talk to him (what little I have to) I can hear it in his voice. He will never admit it but I know from his actions and behaviors that his leaving was not what he thought it would be, it is a whole lot harder than he ever imagined. He is struggling terribly and me and the boys are not. Me and the boys are doing really good compared to him and his "new life". It took some counseling on my part to realize I didn't want my h back in my life and to see the emotional, mental and verbal abuse that I took for 8 years. Have you thought about not filing for divorce and telling him to do it? My stbxh filed for divorce, he was the one that wanted it so I told him he would have to file for it. I did try to keep my marriage together and begged him to come back in the beginning but when I was able to see into my marriage from the outside I didn't want any of it back in my life. The boys father is okay about calling them, doesn't have much of a routine down, and they have stayed overnight with him once since all of this happened. I don't feel that their father has done everything to reach out to his children and be a part of their lives, mainly because he is ashamed, embarrassed and feels very guilty about what he has done. All I know is that one day when the boys are old enough they will see for themselves what their father has done and they can make up their own minds about him, until then I try very hard to make sure they get their time with their father.<p>Just be there for your daughter and let her know how much you love her. Try very hard not to say anything negative about her father (this can be so very hard to do). Give her the chance to make up her own mind about her father, this will happen. <p>Your h may not tell you straight out that he isn't happy but the little things you see and hear will let you know. I can see my stbxh is not happy but I am also careful not to be happy about this because I want to give my boys the chance to see for their own eyes what their father has done.<p>Hope some of this helps!
Kathy

Leftalone,<p>Yes, I do believe that the WS has regrets that they bail out of the relationship. I think that my WW will see the big mistake she made after the D is final. I have a idea that my W thinks nothing will change when the D goes through. She will find out soon enough. I was the one who gave her the papers, but I can only take so much as a BS. I need to move on and be the best father for my boys. Good Luck.<p>Dino