Help me but I'm confused here. A couple of weeks before Christmas I gave my husband the option of getting counseling for his explosive temper/rage or leave. He chose to leave 5 days before Christmas and moved in with his youngest son. He is very much into taking care of all the details of our separation/divorce right now. I told him from the start of all this that I hoped we could remain civil and friends. When I talked with him by 'phone this evening, we discussed some more of the "details" and he asked what I thought about a type of "do it yourself" divorce kit which someone had told him about. I am okay with that if the court allows it. He went on to say that after we take care of all the "details" that maybe we can go out and do things together. I told him I wasn't sure that was a good idea, but he said it was important to him that we remain friends. It's like he thinks once we get all this legal stuff and the remainder of our marriage out of the way, we can pick up like it was when we were dating and having fun together. I'm not telling him at this point that there's not much chance of that because I want the divorce to go smoothly. Yes, I did ask him to leave, but I guess I thought he would take some time once he was out to realize that maybe the marriage was worth trying to save. Instead, he's moving as quickly as he can to end it, but yet thinks we're going to have this relationship afterwards. Has anybody else out there experienced this? I'm hurt that he didn't care enough to want to go to counseling together, but yet tells me he misses me and still wants to have this ongoing relationship.

Dear Helga,<p>I am sorry that all this has happened.
My STBXH also said that he wanted to be friends and that maybe we could do things together after the divorce. In my case this was just said to make him feel better about his behavoir. I did not realize this until his behavoir showed that he was not acting like any friend I that would want. He was just trying to ease out without any trouble. I think he just hoped that I would fade away.<p>That said, there can also be another reason that he has made these statements - maybe he IS conflicted about your marital state and does want you in his life. So if you do want to keep this marriage going, this can be an encourageing sign. Read all the data at this site and follow what you can. The love busters data is great in my opinion. Is there infidelity? If not, that is even more encourageing. You stated that he had a bad temper - does he abuse you? <p>Good luck to you. I think it takes a little time to see if what your husband says and what he does coincide. Mine would say one thing but do another, and the saying "actions speak louder than words" is one I take to heart. Many people here have started through divorce, but through regular communication, have found their way back together.<p>God bless you,
Lisa

Don't sweet it. Its probably 2 things: 1.)Guilt avoidence. and 2.)He just wants to get through the paper work and not get screwed. <p>A word of warning here: Don't let freindship get in the way of you getting what are your rightfull things to get from the breakup. You are entitled to 50% of all assets as well as 50% of all liabilities. Amoung other things. Beware the smooth talking of a friend during these times.<p>I said the same thing to my X when all of my cr@p started happening. <p>The X and I talk on a regular basis but never do anything together. And I kinda like it.
[img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Tex.

[ January 03, 2002: Message edited by: sportsguy ]<p>[ January 03, 2002: Message edited by: sportsguy ]</p>

Will post later.
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ANNA<p>[ January 03, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

Helga,<p>You are smart to just be nice through the divorce process. My stbx said the same thing at first, now he doesn't mention it anymore. I think a lot of spouses have the attitude that they may be able to date afterwards. <p>He probably thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. He won't have to change and will still get to see you at times... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care,<p>ANNA