My H and I have been separated for 10 months and D day was 15 months ago. He was the WS. Since he moved out I became involved with another man. We are in the process of divorce. I have asked him to come home repeatedly, although I don't know what I would do if he actually did because I do not see hope for our relationship. He also says to me, "How could you even ask me to come home while you are involved with OM?" To me that is irrelavent. The OM and I are very good friends above all else and he is aware of my still existing ambilivence towards my H amd my marriage. He knows I could stop the relationship at any time and understands my reasons for doing so. I do realize this would be hard for me, though.<p>In anycase, I'd love to hear comments on the above as well, but my real concern is this: Today my H called me to get health insurance information from me because he wants to see a counselor. He is severely depressed and sees no reason other than his boys for living. He has been hanging on to some hope that the other woman will leave her husband and come to him. Apparently they have been talking until a couple of weeks ago, but the affair is very one way. My H believes OW loves him, but feels obligated to her marriage and therefore is closing the door on my H. The OW's H does not know of her affair.<p>I am very worried about my H and I care about his pain. I know more than he understands how much he is hurting over this rejection by the OW. He loves her very much. Even though I went through severe depression and suicidal thoughts at my H expense, I do not wish this pain on him. <p>My question is this: My H has repeatedly told me that he does not want to be with me and that he does not love me. I have slowly tried to wean myself from the thought of ever working things out and have just in the past month or two begun to feel better about my life without him. I have begun to realize that I am capable on my own (my OM is far away, so I do not have him constantly to rely upon). I am taking a class I always wanted to take with my H on my own. I am a better mother to my children most of the time. I do not cry every day. Do I stop my life for the hope of ever having my H come home to work on things? I don't even think it would really work long term because I do have a lot of resentment toward him for all the pain he caused. I still get sick at the thought of them sleeping together when I pass places I know they used to frequent. I do not respect what he has done at all. However, I know that he will emerge a better person eventually. Do I stop my own life just to "see" if he could ever love me again?<p>If I am not clear, let me know. Thanks.
