Forgiveness has been one of my greatest struggles, as I overcome the hurdle of getting past an abusive relationship.<p>What is important to remember, and has helped me immensely, is that forgiveness is not condoning the behavior of the person who is being forgiven. Forgiving is allowing oneself to heal.<p>From a friend's church bulletin:
"Forgiveness is not denying that you have been hurt, explaining away the wrong behavior of someone, or trying to understand why a person has acted in a certain way. Forgiveness is consciously choosing to release others of the debts we feel they owe us because of the hurt they have caused."<p>I have another passage somewhere on forgiveness from a small groups study I attended at my church, I'll have to share. When I find it. *g* So much in that study helped me to realize that it is God that my X must deal with, and seek forgiveness from, because on Earth he has yet to realize he's done anything wrong. I don't punish him by not forgiving him, I punish myself. So it is not my responsibility to make him repentant, and I handed it over to God.<p>I can talk about the abuse most days without anger and without hurt, and that surprises people. Myself sometimes too. I do get angry over things he does NOW, and have to work at not letting him see my anger (or pain) because he can no longer receive that reward for his actions. It's MY show now.<p>Life is good. Stay safe.

Thank you for this post....<p>I agree that forgivness is healthy for us... hard to do at times and to stick with it... but when we keep the anger in... its like a posion to us... it doesn't affect them at all. It only is damaging to us.<p>Thanks again... this is one I will read again and again.<p>Blessings,
s

Hi Princess... I like what you found about forgiveness... I too have something posted in front of my computer that I read and re-read to remind me of the power of forgiveness. It goes something like this <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>When you forgive someone for hurting you, you perform spiritual surgery inside your soul, you cut away the wrong that was done to you so that you can see your "enemy" through the magic eyes that can heal your soul. Detach that person from the hurt and let it go, the way children open their hands and let a trapped butterfly go free.<p>Then invite that person back into your mind - fresh, as if a piece of history between you had been erased; its grip on your memory broken. Reverse the seemingly irreversible flow of pain within you.<hr></blockquote><p>Not sure who wrote that... may H. Norman Wright. I loved this but also realized that this is not possible (in me) with out the Spirit of God enabling me to do this... forgiveness is so very hard - wrongs have been done. Rights have been trampled all over... yet this is why Christ came... as an agent of forgiveness and reconciliation so that we can be in relationship with God in the way HE intended it from the very beginning - the garden of Eden.<p>But, the reality is that we live in a fallen world... the only way to navigate thru that fallenness and choices of people's sin is via forgiveness... without it, we become shriveled up bitter old people. <p>In my year of peace... I'm asking God for joy... I think joy will come thru learning and trusting HIM whenever there are occasions for forgiveness... so, will it be painful? Yes, but joy and pain are linked. Joy cannot be found without pain and release... forgiveness is the lever that brings the joy. Joy is what will bring peace and contentment. Philippians 4:11-13 - this is the only Way. God help us all!<p>Thanks for your thoughts on this!<p>Shalom,
Nicole

Princess-<p>Your words are so true. I think most people find it very hard to forgive, but once you do it you do feel better and do release yourself.<p>I am getting to a place where I feel I may be able to forgive my WH. He is an alchoholic and there have been many problems/abuse issues prior to the affair. As I detatch and am able to forgive him I find myself with many friends and family members who think I am nuts because he has done so many rotten things, however, I know how much better I feel when I forgive and let go.<p>Take care and best of luck!<p>K