I need help with this...<p>How do you put this all behind you when they keep flaunting this crap in front of your face. xh shows up to pick up my younger son with the WH**E (OW)in his vehicle. So once again I get angry and sad, crying... calling friends for support.... I know I'm smarter than all this... why is it I let this affect me in such a way.....I just know I can't live like this any longer... I can't get over the feeling of being discarded. He must have been right... here he is still with her 2 years now... ok so they only see each other 5-6 times a year.... but how can this last soooo long. Last week he introduced her to his family...... then flew her back here.<p>Don't people care how they treat other people??? What they do to them.... I jsut don't see any guilt....<p>s

I am sorry you still hurt and I am not sure the pain ever goes awya since it still hurts me also, I do know that as long as I focus on myself and stay busy it gets better. I have not seen any sign of quilt feeling from my EW. I think they must feel quilt, but will go to any length to prove they did the right thing

Dear scoick,
I understand how you feel. Read my thread "feeling rejected". People sent me some wonderful advice. My StbxH left almost 2 years ago, and it still kills me. So many times, when the spouse leaves, they will say or do anything to validate their decision. I know mine looks to find the negative in anything I do or say - so he can say "see, I was right to leave you after 26 years". So many people wrote to say that we must remember that the leaving was their responsibility. We can only take responsibility for any mistakes that we have made, and to keep reminding ourselves that THEY were unfaithful, THEY broke their promises. It is hard to not start believing the negative stuff they keep throwing out at us. But remember, they are just feeling quilty and trying to justify themselves.<p>And you are right...It often does not seem like anyone else holds them accountable for the pain they have caused with their selfishness. My STBXH makes friends very easily. He always has someone to go drinking with or to the lake or movies with. These friends seem to not care about the pain he has caused his family. But I agree that it is hard wondering why someone that pledged to love you preferes someone else. But you know, maybe they deserve each other. Maybe neither of them believes in keeping their promises, maybe neither one of them believes that marriage vows are sacred. I know it would scare me to be involved with someone that could walk away and cause that much pain to others. If they did it once, couldn't they do it again even more easily. And if they marry, don't you think the OW will always wonder if he is cheating on her like he did to you? Maybe we deserve someone with higher standards than that. At least this is what I try to keep reminding myself.<p>I think Jabber is right. Maybe the pain never goes away, because something we have cherished and have tried to keep intact has died. But if we keep acting with integrity and honor - surely that counts for something.<p>God Bless,
Lisa