p

Truth,<p>I know how much this hurts and that constant nagging pain. It's just always there isn't it?
No matter how great you look, how much money you make, great house, etc.<p>A year or more is not such a long time to need to "recover" from what has happened to you. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's so hard to really, deep down accept this. But, tell me, what is it you think would be a recovery or healing to you? <p>And, I hope you are getting some therapy for yourself.<p>It seems like you really need to talk right now. Hopefully we can help. I am NO expert, just been through it myself a couple of years ago. BTW, I survived and am happily remarried now - further along than most on the boards. But I remember, yes I do, "that" feeling, sorrow.<p>
V.

In Shock,
Thanks for replying to me...yes that feeling is always there...it never seems to go away, even when I sleep! Last nite I had vivid dreams of my H and how he had come back to visit me and reconcile...these dreams following a date with a very nice gentleman the nite before.
You ask what would help me to heal...Firstly, I think an in person apology from my h. You see, he told me everything while he was overseas (military) and then proceeded to put me through emotional hell for several months after. He didn't have the nerve to tell me to my face, after 10 years together! Secondly, I guess to know that he is remorseful??? That probably is not the case, but it would help a little to know that he is sorry for ruining our marriage, telling me he didn't want me anymore, telling me it was my fault, almost literally killing me by choosing the OW, who also was married...just any tiny ounce of remorse would do.
It seems like the last year of my life has been a dream. I am a new person in a new city with no family here at a new job with a "supposed" new life. Yet, it is so very damn hard to leave my old life, and love, behind. Harder for me to leave behind than for him obviously.

Well Truth, I have zero respect for people who do this crap and your X certainly doesn't deserve respect or any more of your time, or energy.<p>I was married to infidels - two of them. I have never gotten an apology, remorse, nothing like that. And ya, they get mad as he!! when it comes time to actually split the lives and pay the bill. They just want to do what they want to do and they are COWARDS about it. They can't face us. I've given some thought to these actions and it boils down to doing something so nasty and ugly that they are have to hide. <p>Look at these boards Truth - your X didn't do anything unique. Some of these jerks do the same thing to their kids! Add to that the horrible stuff they say to us to justify their disgusting actions. They sure do make it look easy don't they? We are in horrid pain and they are off in La La Land.<p>I have got a lot of time under my belt on this. I know what it is to feel like the livng dead in a dream state. Time helps, therapy helps. Getting back your self esteem - you are NOT whatever he said. Deciding what you want for your future and acting on it. Getting it into your head that what this person has done is awful, not your fault. You deserve better and refuse to be around anyone who even comes close to having this huge character flaw, lack of morals, etc.<p>My shrink told me our dreams are often our subconscious working things out for us. I wrote to someone here last nite having trouble with a new guy - won't commit thing. Last nite I dreamed about a guy I dated years ago and would not commit. In my dream that was all different, everything was good and we were having a relationship. I have no idea what that means, but same as everything is okay now with your H.
Maybe we just feel better about things for a little while, get some healing hormone release. Perhaps your dreams may be the only place you get your apology?<p>Exactly what would an apology or remorse do for you? <p>V.

Hello Again.
I wrote you on another two of your posts. I hope you are doing okay. Sounds like you are in alot of pain and with just cause, to boot you are in a new place, new job, no support system around. That can be hard. We sometimes want to run to a new place to start over, where no one knows us, a fresh chance but it's hard to do so soon after a split up and being alone. I feel sad for you and can hear the pain in your words. Did you write an earlier post? Wondering what the background is? You say you have not spoken to him in 10 mos...that is hard to. I am in a different situation but there are many people here that can help you and this is a good place. Please come back for support. I think you are suffering from two things, but I am not the guru on this. You are first of all lonely, without a support system and second you are going through the grieving stages. They say divorce is like a death. You go through 5 steps in a death, which are the same as a divorce. If I recall right from a class in college, You go through Shock, Deniel, Anger, Grief and then Acceptance.
I hope you get some counseling, seek a support group for this issue, check the yellow pages, check with your health insurance also, they probably offer counseling or your company does with little or no cost to you.
We are here for you. You are not alone.
God Bless You,
*T*