Please I am begging for help.
Because of an abusive situation my children and I left my husband of 19 years. He is military and in another state at this time. He has just told me he has filed for divorce and I have no idea what I need to do. The divorce decree should be getting to me this week. I don't have much of an idea what it is going to be saying, or what I need to do. I am inquiring about a lawyer in his state at this time.<p>Please I beg of you to please give me some advise on what I should be looking for or asking for in a divorce. <p>Anne2000

Anna - <p>If he left you where you are - change venue back to your state - because that's where you and the children are. IT will also be cheaper for you to fight this where you are living.<p>Check the laws online - go to www.ask.com and search Divorce (your state) you will find information about your state and how the divorce laws work. www.divorcesource.com is a great site - they offer books on the topic as well.<p>Don't go into this without any basic knowledge of the laws - you should also check laws for his state.<p>Blessings,<p>Jan

Anne,<p>About the only thing you can do right now is get an attorney.<p>Also, I hate to say this but your name is Anne2000 and mine Anna 2000 and this is going to get awfully confusing for people... [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>c'ya,<p>Anna

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

I can't thank you enough for replying to my message. I am so lost and scared right now. I am looking for things on the internet and have found a few things. I do know that State to state is going to be hard. I can not do anything here in Ga because the laws do not have any controll over a person in another state.

Anne2000-<p>I'm sorry that you are going through this. One thing you have to remember as you begin to walk this path is self-care! You need to take care of yourself and yes when those times that you feel like your world is crumbling...try to take a step back and think about something, even if it is a small thing, that you can do for yourself or your children.<p>Your emotions will be up and they will be down...and try to not make important decisions or talk with your husband or children when you are in an emotional storm...try and find higher ground and a calmer time when you are trying to deal with all that is going on. In short...decisions you make when you've emotinally exploded are not going to be sound ones. So...listen to your soul and your emotions as you go through this.<p>The input from "mylife", "anna2000" and "Seekingjoy2" is all very good and most often each state has very specific stipulations about how you have to go about filing for divorce, how long you have lived in the state...in some cases...there are rules about how long you have been "Separaged" also plays into the process. Each state does define what it will consider as valid grounds or reasons that an individual in a marriage can file for divorce.<p>Here is some general information from some of the divorce sites but I'd suggest that you call your county (You in Cobb County?) Bar Association and as them if they have a divorce/family law referral service. Some divorce lawyers in some states will offer you a visit (normally 45min-1 hour) to discuss all the issues you may have to consider if you are a) going to be the one that files divorce in the state of GA...or b) if your husband is going to file in the state that he lives in.<p>They normally give you a pretty nice discount on the hour for $40-$60 for the hour vs. $125-$195 per hour. You are not obligated to hire this attorney, and you are not obligated to file the paper for divorce either. It is kind of an education / fact finding meeting with the attorney to help you try and understand as much as you can about the process in your state.<p>The five areas that you will need to deal with are custody, child support, maintenance (previously called alimony) division of personal property and assets(furniture, the house, car, savings, stocks, stock options, any other items you purchased while you were married and last is the debt you owe on things like your mortgage, credit cards, etc.<p>Take a look and read, read, read! Best wishes to you and remember self care for you and those children...they had no vote in this decision and they need to be treated very carefully as they go through this process with you.<p>Take care...<p>Mr r<p>http://www.divorcenet.com/ga/ga-divorce1.html [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

I can't thank you enough for replying to my posting. I am currently residing in Bibb County,, my H is residing in Biloxi, Ms. He has also filed in Ms. He told me that the "divorce decree" will be arriving in the mail to me this week. I know that Military divovce is different. I do not want this to turn into a court thing.. that would be too hard on the kids.
We have only been separated for not quite 3 months. NOt even enough time to know we are apart.<p>He has told me a few things that it will say and he is really getting the best of me. What do I do if I don't want to sign this divorce decree. I have looked up some things and it does say if I don't reply in 30 days it is an automatic divorce.
How do I go about getting things changed that his lawyer has written. In short.. put things in there that I want.<p>Anne2000<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by mrrlk:
<strong>Anne2000-<p>I'm sorry that you are going through this. One thing you have to remember as you begin to walk this path is self-care! You need to take care of yourself and yes when those times that you feel like your world is crumbling...try to take a step back and think about something, even if it is a small thing, that you can do for yourself or your children.<p>Your emotions will be up and they will be down...and try to not make important decisions or talk with your husband or children when you are in an emotional storm...try and find higher ground and a calmer time when you are trying to deal with all that is going on. In short...decisions you make when you've emotinally exploded are not going to be sound ones. So...listen to your soul and your emotions as you go through this.<p>The input from "mylife", "anna2000" and "Seekingjoy2" is all very good and most often each state has very specific stipulations about how you have to go about filing for divorce, how long you have lived in the state...in some cases...there are rules about how long you have been "Separaged" also plays into the process. Each state does define what it will consider as valid grounds or reasons that an individual in a marriage can file for divorce.<p>Here is some general information from some of the divorce sites but I'd suggest that you call your county (You in Cobb County?) Bar Association and as them if they have a divorce/family law referral service. Some divorce lawyers in some states will offer you a visit (normally 45min-1 hour) to discuss all the issues you may have to consider if you are a) going to be the one that files divorce in the state of GA...or b) if your husband is going to file in the state that he lives in.<p>They normally give you a pretty nice discount on the hour for $40-$60 for the hour vs. $125-$195 per hour. You are not obligated to hire this attorney, and you are not obligated to file the paper for divorce either. It is kind of an education / fact finding meeting with the attorney to help you try and understand as much as you can about the process in your state.<p>The five areas that you will need to deal with are custody, child support, maintenance (previously called alimony) division of personal property and assets(furniture, the house, car, savings, stocks, stock options, any other items you purchased while you were married and last is the debt you owe on things like your mortgage, credit cards, etc.<p>Take a look and read, read, read! Best wishes to you and remember self care for you and those children...they had no vote in this decision and they need to be treated very carefully as they go through this process with you.<p>Take care...<p>Mr r<p>http://www.divorcenet.com/ga/ga-divorce1.html [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote>

Anne2000...<p>You surely will find many many questions as you try to navigate this difficult path.<p>I can not stress enough that you need to take action, and call your local Legal Aid Society or Local County Bar Association and see an attorney IMMEDIATELY!<p>All the questions you have are very valid ones...what if I do not want the divorce, what about the military courts, what about the 30 day clause.<p>Get on the phone right now...call and arrange to see an attorney...you must not let this process take a course of it's own. You need to understand how the law will impact you, your children and the divorce.<p>Call for the appointment and as soon as you get the papers from your husband, all the questions you have you need to put in front of your attorney to have him or her guide you on what to do.<p>Remember the 5 key areas you are dealing with...<p>1. Child Custody
2. Child Support
3. Alimony
4 Division of Personal Property, Real Estate & Assets
5. Divisoi of Debt / Bills / Expenses<p>Waiting will only but you at a disadvantage...GET ON THE TELEPHONE AND CALL RIGHT NOW!<p>You need to be prepared to make this as "Fair" as possible for you.<p>Regards,<p>Mr R<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]