First time poster here-but I thought I'd get right to it. My wife (48) and I (47) have been married almost 20 yrs. and have been really struggling with our marriage. We are now in counseling and have made progress. In terms of our "intimacy",we have a problem. She says 4 cesareans have diminished her ability to enjoy sex. <P>She says she's willing to continue relations and says she is satisfied with the emotional aspects of our coupling. I am very attracted to her sexually and almost always achieve orgasm. My problem is that I want to please my wife sexually, and not to do so really leaves me empty. After sex I feel like I've used her and get very frustrated-it just doesn't seem right for me to be the only one realizing physical pleasure.<P>I asked her to look into it and she did mention it to her gynecologist. He said that 4 sections may have done nerve damage etc. and this could inhibit sexual feeling. My wife accepted his answer and says she can live with it. I said OK, but did you mention our marriage difficulties? She said no,why would that matter? To me, it was very important to give the professionals "full disclosure" before relying on their answer. If the sections have done permanent damage I can live with it because it's certainly not her fault and she is worth it. But I don't feel the issue has been fully explored.<P>Here's my questions: Has anyone ever heard of C-sections causing permanent sexual difficulties? And, What would you do? I look forward to your help as this is really bothering me. Thank You.

Well I really don't know for sure if having a cecerian 4 times can cause a low sex drive but I do know that marriage problems can. I'll just toss in my guess based on some of my past experience. In my first marriage (ya, I'm on number 2), when we started having marriage problems one of the first things to go was my desire for sex. I would come up with any excuse in the book to avoid it. At the beginning I didn't contribute my lack of sex drive to our problems, I just assumed I had a low sex drive. Not true! I also know that when a woman is not feeling connected to her husband emotionally it's difficult if not impossible for her to be sexually connected. My guess is that it's your marriage problems that are causing her to feel this way more then the surgery itself and deep down she knows this too. That's why she never bothered to mention that to the doc. Maybe the surgery conversation never happened with the doc either. Maybe it's made up so that she doesn't hurt your feelings by telling you that she isn't emotionally attached enough now for a strong sex drive. Really the best thing for her too do is to be honest about it because that's they only way that you can fix it.

BonnieSept,<P>Thank you for taking the time, and for the thoughtfulness of your reply. As a man it is hard to remember the connection between emotional comfort and sex for women. With regard to your comment that my wife's low sex drive may be connected to our marriage troubles, it rings true to me.<BR> To give you more information, for many months my wife has been living with the knowledge that I wasn't sure if I loved her.<BR>(our counselor asked each of us how we felt-she said she loved me but I said I wasn't sure) On my part it was a very honest answer, but when I think about the emotional connection you mentioned in your response, how could that not impact our sex life?! In fact BonnieSept, your response inspired me to come to a decision about my feelings once and for all.<BR> Last night when we went to bed I told my wife I loved her; she didn't seem to have any problem becoming aroused and satisfied!!<BR>Thanks again for your help.<BR>

Well, your welcome. The emotional tie and the sexual tie are linked for women. Wow! I would imagine her hearing that you were not sure if you loved her did set her back. I know I wouldn't be too excited if my husband told me that! It sounds like you have decided where your heart is. If you love her tell her. Tell her often! Also, just as importang as the words are is the showing her how much you love her. I know when I read the part in marriagebuilders on depositing love into each other's bank I smile to myself everytime the thought about my husband pops up that he just made a deposit in mine! When I'm feeling on top of the world because he's been considerate, loving and just plan wonderful you can bet I'm anxious to get to bed that night! hhahaha Good luck!

I am a labor and delivery nurse. I have had 3 c-sections. I have also assisted as surgical nurse in hundreds of c-sections. There is no way that I am aware of that this could be the cause of your partners low sex drive.There are no nerves connected to the uterus that would affect a woman's ability to enjoy sex.The vagina is not manipulated as part of the surgery,neither is the clitoris,the main source of a woman's sexual pleasure. I'd also opt for the relationship problems being the cause.

mthrrhbard,<P>Thank you for your reply. That clinches it for me-it's the marriage. Although why would my wife tell me she spoke to her doctor?<BR>Anyways, I was thinking of showing my wife this thread. Any thoughts or comments on that?

I was in the same mental place as your wife. I knew that something wasn't right with my marriage and that I wasn't receiving what I needed from my H. I even bought books for us to read together, but he wouldn't use them. I needed intimacy that did not involve sex. I've also talked to a counselor- who agreed that my emotional needs were not being met. I tried everything I knew how- at the time- to tell my h what I needed- but he wouldn't listen. He only heard the negatives. That pushed him into his affair.<P>I wish I could turn back the clocks and have taken Dr. Harley's emotional needs questionaire back then. We've both done that now and it was a real eye opener for us. Try it- you'll both be happy you did. <P>Do use the books on how to be romantic. Women need different stimualtion then men. You'll both come out on top- in more ways than one!