Hey everyone i don't want to get hopes up..And i don't really know if it's what i want..But i hit rock bottom today, and had to leave work early because i was about to break down and cry..Everything suddenly caught up with me and it was awful..I did what everyone usually warns me not to do..I call the stbx H and asked him for help..And i poured my heart out to him..I expected him to turn me away and just be mean like always..we haven't spoken in over a month..And he just listened..after we got off the phone..He called back..And to my suprise the person i expected to not really care actually is going to help me...<p>So i'm going to pray..I'm scared and if i allow help from him ..That means picking up and moving to another state and not knowing anyone..We are going to still be seperated but legally..I guess all i have to do is trust in god and pray that he leads me in the right direction..Wish me luck on my journey..

good luck, but have continguency plans jc, to rescue yourself if this does not work. Also I would suggest you negotiate BEFORE you leave, how this is gonna work, and what he is gonna do (especially re counselling, rules of protection, meeting needs), so you have something to judge against. I would be remiss if I didn't ask you to keep in mind these things rarely work, and if you are leaveing a good job, etc. and isolating yourself from support, you will most likely be even worse off. It is quite possible he is doing this cause he thinks being nice this way makes him feel better about himself (and has nothing to do with really caring about marriage, more about his guilt, and not hating you so wanting to be helpful while you are distressed). You manipulated him with your breakdown and the relationship is now based on pity for you, and guilt for him, keep in mind that is a very poor foundation for reconcilliation. It would be much better for you to become independent get on with your life, plan a him from afar, and he return and pursue you, that is healthy. Good luck again, but personally I would reconsider, and negotiate, and I would absolutely not go to him if he is there cause of ow....at the very minimum, you should both move somewhere else then. Look very hard jc, and if it quickly becomes obvious he is calling all the shots and you are just reacting, you will know the truth.<p>God? Maybe....or satan (working through your weaknesses) maybe too. Do not put on rose colored glasses jc.<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: sad_n_lonely ]</p>

I am at a really touch place right now in my life..what you are saying is ringing so true..But if you've read my other posts..I have 3 options..Stay and live where i am and continue to be abused or go and get out on my own live in poverty and worry and live from paycheck to paycheck and not being able to have a home that i can call my own jumping from place to place with a baby..or i can let him help me..You don't know how much i am praying about this..I don't want to trust him and that's what i have to do..We both have a big issue with trust..And me going out there is not to repair our marriage were still going to be legally seperated..which is okay with me the marriage isn't all that important anymore..But he is going to be a part of our son's life which is really important to me..My prayers is for me and the stbx H to be able to be friends and co parent..Which is going to take alot of work..You don't know how conflicted i am with what's the right thing and the wrong thing to do..All i know is i have to change the way i'm living and raising my son and right now i'm so broken i can't do it alone..

ah yes, I had forgotten about your abusive living conditions. I can see where the risk is different cause you have less support now and less to "lose" while still keeping your eyes open. Let me modify my suggestion a bit, move in, plan a, but with independence, try to get some kind of employment, (either daycare, or oppisite shift from H), and save money (discreetly probably) for a while so you have some kind of a cushion...also continue to make continguency plans if you have to seperate again (how and where you would live), also longer term plans for your economic well-being, try to get some kind of training etc. etc....oft times the medical feild is good, and trainging times not to long. I can understand the rock and hard place you are in....and whatever you do DO NOT get pregnant again, in a few years the pressure will ease up as your child gets older and easier to care for.....Good luck jc, keep us posted.

Gosh i am such an idiot..My stbx is the last one i should of asked for help..For some reason since we hadn't spoken for over a month i guess i thought maybe he cared again..We had spoken on the phone a couple of days ago and i even spoke w/his pastor and explained everything..Then the stbx called and said he was going to help me get out of there..etc..etc.Said because i'm his friend..I don't think were even friends..I wanted so badly to trust him and believe him ..But i have a big feeling he is going to just change his mind like he did last time and let me down..I wanted to count on him so much..But i guess i have to face the truth that if he really had cared he wouldn't have walked out on the baby and i in the first place..I guess i was stupid to think that almost 7 months apart would make a difference..I know i'm not going to hear from him and he's going to end up avoiding me again..I just prayed that he would honestly care about our son's situation and how he is going to be raised..I'm such a fool..I want to trust him so much..