My husband has told me he wants a divorce. He doesn't want to go to counseling. I want desperately to make the marriage work. Even though I know this is HIS issue, I still fell physically and emotionally rejected. I told him if he wanted a divorce then he would have to take care of everything. Well today on the phone he told me he was going to start looking for a realtor. Even though I knew it was coming, it still hit me like a bomb. Has anyone out there recovered after it has gotten this far?

Dallas-<p>The only advice I have for you is to read all of the Harleys' stuff and to read through the old posts here. I don't think there is ever really a point where it is too late to work through things, even after divorce as many posts here prove. <p>The important things to remember is that you can't change him you can only work on you. Take care of yourself. I know how painful this is. I know how awful it feels even you see it coming. Nothing can prepare you for their actual actions. My H left when I was three months pregnant with our fourth child and announced when she was 6 days old that he had chosen to pursue a real relationship with the OW. <p>I did everything I could to save our marriage, but my H wasn't interested. We are now getting divorced in a month. It has been a year since he left and although it still hurts at times, it has definately gotten better. In that time I have accepted that I can't change him, but I can change myself and in return I have found me again and although my marriage is ending, I am content.<p>As for the divorce stuff. If he wants it let him do the work. I filed mainly because my WH wasn't paying the correct child support. Although I don't regret doing it, I have had to do a lot more work (locating documents, financial records, etc.)<p>I wish you all the best. <p>K

Dallas,<p>Like others will tell you... read all you can and post and vent here.<p>Here is another website www.divorcebusting.com
also read tough Love by James Dobson... gather allllll the information you can then see what will work best for you and your husband.<p>My heart goes out to ya kid.... its tough when you hear those words... eventhough you may have know this was coming... its still like being hit by a train. I would love to tell you to be prepared for other trains... but its difficult.<p>right now you have to gather info and take care of you.... I know its hard... I've been here....<p>I don't know much of your history... how long married... is there a OW??? Do ya have kids??? Stuff like that.<p>One other word of advice is .. on your own with out your H finding out, You need to interview at least 3 lawyers.... you don't have to hire them right away... but you'll learn what you're numbers are. Hide the business cards and do not tell him you went. You are only doing this to protect yourself. <p>Take Care and post here and look at the other site.
Please get the books and listen to others who have been here. <p>As time goes on, the blows get easier to recover from.... it still hurts... not to scare you but this is one heck of a roller coaster ride.... I'm still looking to get off!!<p>Don't know if I helped you.....<p>Peace be with you.....<p>s

My heart goes out to you...read my post...going through the same thing. Just a matter of time.
I wonder too if it ever gets better. But i do know for sure that it is IMPERITIVE that you take care of YOU.
What ever happens....you will still be left with you...and you will need all your strengh, to get through this. Make sure you eat..even if its only a bit at a time...healthy food....junk food the additives it it, can make you more depressed. Not to say we arnt entitled to a carton of ice cream...just the spoon and the box...can work wonders. Just saying...get your rest...get the support here...i am new...and already have had loads of great support and advice...talk to your freinds and family...surround yourself with people and things that make you feel good. Its hard I know, even sometimes to get dressed, but take a deep breath say to yourself....I am worth it..and do it...make that call to a special friend go for a walk..what ever makes you feel good. maybe look for support group in your area.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I do understand what your going throug....and you dont deserve it anymore than the rest of us do.
Take care....kathy