This past monday my wife found out that I had an affair and that I had used the internet to do it, she is very angry and also was able to get into an email account that had explicit language and pictures of me. I have spoken with my paster, and to say the least my wife will not speak to me, and has put me out, I feel like a complete low life and very guilty. We have been married for 4 years and 2 years ago she moved out and in with a man that she had known from her past, she said that nothing happened, but in my mind I thought that something did happen. Well in September after an argument I decided to try to find a lover that would satisfy my desires, by using the internet, I started a club that was designed to meet a woman who felt like me physically unattractive to their spouse. She managed to figure out my password and found out that I slept with the woman last week, she printed out all the emails and pictures and tried to show them to our paster. I love her but realize that I messed up big time and have asked Gods forgiveness. I am a musician in the church and she is in the choir and I certainly do not want to leave the church, any advice would be helpful, and also prayer, like I said I love her very much and am afraid the divorce papers are on the way. Please pray for us. Also the woman that I was with was married and knew that I was married and never wanted a relationship but that does not make it right I know, any gotta go, need advice and prayer bad!!!!!

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

When your wife moved in with another man she broke her vows to "forsake all others". To say that she did nothing with this man while living under the same roof is questionable. She had no right as a MW to develop a relationship with old bf and then move in with him. Her actions hurt you and made you feel unattractive and undesired. She needs to look at herself critically and realize that by having the affair with an old bf she planted the seeds for you having an affair. She can't blame you without taking some responsibility for the disintegration of the marriage. I would recommend that you schedule an appointment with a marriage counsellor and address the issues of your feelings of low self-esteem. Hopefully your wife will accompany you to the marriage counsellor.

HI, I am not sure that radium's comments are marriage builders comments- while I agree that you might be valid in thinking and feeling the way radium does .... you may not benefit from the proposed course of action... because I tried telling my spouse how wrong he was to have an affair... and it got me zip!...., I would look into MB COncepts and also into going to a MB counselor.<p>GOod luck, keep posting and getting lots of feedback, read everything you can on this board.