Hi everyone,<p>My wife filed papers on Tuesday and I am going to be served next week sometime. We still live under the same roof for right now and probably for the forseeable future. She is starting night school night next week and I will barely see her. We have 3 beautiful children. She wants to move on with her life. She told me the other night that she wants her own place and be an independent women. She is "plutonic" (she says), with an old high school friend that she just hooked up with about a month ago. That is another story...a long story at that. At first she wanted me to move out and pay child support but still come over every single night and babysit the kids while she is at the school and get the kids every other weekend so while she wanted FULL CUSTODY, she would only see the kids for about an hour in the morning and every other weekend. I on the other hand would have the kids every night (3-4 hours, 5 days a week) and then every other weekend. So that means that I would have the kids 26 days out of 30 in a month....but she wants PRIMARY custody. <p>Well, that was a few weeks back. Now she says she wants to be on her own. She also wants me to pay more than the DISSOMASTER program will give her. I have a friend that makes the same ammount of money that I do and we have about the same expenses. He pays his EX only $1200/month and pays child support too. Well, my wife WTHOUT the kids wants $2200/month. If that is what it takes to get the kids, I will pay it.<p>This isn't about "I don't want you to have them". This is about that she isn't a good mother at all. She went to her mom's house (400+ miles away) over the Holidays (She left on the 22nd and did come back until the 6th). She saw the OM while she was there. She didn't buy any presents....NOT ONE for the kids...I had to. She didn't spend anytime with the kids over the holidays.....I fed the kids, I dressed the kids, I bathed the kids...I did everything....like I have been doing for most of the kids lives. I don't mind, because it is so much part of my life that it is 2nd nature. She goes on these "super mom" spirts like after thanksgiving weekend (the weekend she hooked up with this guy), she got up with the kids, made lunches, made dinner. That lasted about 2 weeks. <p>She is a dianosed Bi-Polar (manic depressive) and I don't think she is "cycling", but I don't think she is in her right mind. She isn't a drinker normally but this week she has finished a half bottle of wine (and she shouldn't be drinking with the meds she takes). On Tuesday (the day she filed papers), she went to a restaurant and didn't come hom until 1:30 in the morning. <p>While she was down there at her Mom's, our daughter (10 years old) said "I miss Mommy, but I wish she wasn't coming home". Our other 2 feel the same way. They only show her affection if I tell them to say "goodnight" or she asks them. Me on the otherhand, they never forget to say "I love you" or "I miss you". <p>Am I making myself to be ther"good guy?"...NO, I am just as faulty as the next guy, but I do have responibilities to the kids and I sacrifice what I have to to make sure that they are taken care of. <p>I guess my question (after this lengthy explanation), is, "What is fair compensation to the wife?". I don't want her to feel cheated and possible try and get the kids back. But, I do have to pay for daycare, food, clothes, rent, car payment, insurance, utilities, food, supplies....etc.

Holy cow! You mean here I've worked my tuckus off for 15 years, and when my cheating H finally decides I'm too old and unsexy for him and leaves, I don't get alimony period 'cause I work too, and he only has to pay $450 in child support, and you've got one you're considering paying $2200 per month? D**n I married bad!<p>Karen

Shw works also....she only makes (after taxes), about $800/month. If I get to keep the kids, I have to basically pay her a BRIBE....I hate to look at that way, but, you have got to call them like you see them. I will pay her whatever, as long as I get the kids. Even her family (Aunt) wants me to have the kids. She knows how her niece (my wife) is.<p>My wife had 3 affairs in the last 6 years. I on the other hand have been faithful. My only sin is that I surfed the net and viewed "Adult material"...something I am not proud of, but when you only have sex 3 to 4 times a year (if I am lucky), you have to do something. I am not a cheater so even though I entertained the thought, I never would have. Sex isn't what I wanted, it was love and tenderness is what I want.

Cut it out, or you'll confuse me and my new view of the male sex in general. I'm extremely bright, creative, outgoing, caring, earn pretty good money...but once I put on that extra 30 pounds, blammo...all those vows at the alter are long forgotten...<p>Karen

Check with an atty..You may get custody..
and her paying you child support..although based on her income it may only be $50 or $100 a month..<p>Not sure about the alimony laws in your state..but you may not have to pay that either..a lot of states have done away with alimony do to the number of women working 'outside' the home..but if she was a stay at home mom during the marriage..
you might have to pay so she can go to school
(temp alimony) so that she can increase her income..<p>But, I'm not an atty..so check with one..and find out.

out of the 10-1/2 years of marraige, she has worked about 5-6 of those years, although they have been various jobs from admin. assistant to Wal-Mart to presently a special education teaching assistant (almost 2 years). Me on the other hand, have only been unemployeed for a total of 4 weeks in that whole ammount of time. Personally, I don't want her money....I would refuse any sort of child support from her....or I would just turn around and give it back to her. Money to me isn't the issue, it never has been. My concern is the way these kids will be treated. Our babysitter has said that our daughter has said to her that she wants her mommy gone so the yelling and screaming will stop. <p>My wife was gone 2 weeks and within an hour of her returning home, I was called an "A-Hole" and she had our daughter in tears. <p>I am not a strict diciplinarian, but my kids know my limit and they know what to expect from me. While she was gone, they where acting like kids....I had no problem with that, she gets home, throws everyone into a frenzy.<p>I just think it is unfair for her to expect for me to pay her such a large ammount. But, if that is what it takes, I will do anything to keep our kids.....anything!<p>
BTW.....she does go to school and has for the last year, so, got that base covered!

The courts don't care about if you want the money or not..it's not for you..its for 'child support'
to help support the kids..you could take it and put it in a savings account for the kids for all they care..<p>Have you gotten the kids into counseling? How about yourself? It sounds like you all might need it..and a professional counselor can step in with the courts during the custody hearings..to speak on behalf of the kids if needed..

Not sure how long you have been married, but here (in AL), alimony is not even considered unless it is a long term marriage (15 years plus). Even then, the wife's employment prospects and education are considered. Basically, if she is able to work and support herself (even if it is not at the same level you have been providing) then usually alimony is not awarded.
Child support is for the custodial parent. If she is the non-custodial parent she will not be awarded any child-support.
I cannot imagine a scenario in which you would pay her $2200 per month, unless you just wanted to agree to do so. I don't see how a judge would award that.

What she is asking for, since she won't have the children, is spousal support, and I believe $2200 is excessive. <p>Check the laws in your state.......are you able to use her affairs to weigh the case in your favour...........sheesh, it is very unfair to me that you should have to pay her ANYTHING, since she is the one who upturned everything, AND doesn't want the kids to boot.<p>I think she is using scare tactics on you............go see a lawyer and find out your rights. Put a claim im for custody. Even if you don't MIND paying the money to her, it is wrong. She knows it, and deep down, you do too.<p>Pay what you have to, and not one cent more.........if you have custody of the kids, every cent you give to her is taken away from your children. Think of it that way, and you won't want to be so generous.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Well, <p>She is calling off all contact with this guy (this is what she said to me on the phone with tears). She has used the tears in the past to make me feel sorry for her. I can't this time. I can't feel sorry for someone that abandons her family over the holidays and pretty much all last week also. Then carrying on under the same roof as the kids and I are under. <p>She has agreed to step out of the kids lives but wants full custodial rights (medication, treaments, etc), but they will be with me 100% of the time. I can live with that, but now she says she wants to have me pay her not $2200/month but $2500/month. That will not happen. They way she has acted over the last week or so, she will be getting a letter from my lawyer stating what she is going to get.<p>She also thinks that she will be on my insurance....I found out that no matter if I pay extra a month and demand the insurance keep her on, by law, she can't be. So that is another thing that is not working in her favor. <p>
I personally think this guy wanted to back off of her and her behavior. She lost it last night and tried to grab my journal of events and screaming "Lies, lies, that is filled with nothing but lies". She then picked up my guitar case and proceeded to throw it outside before I could stop her. You know why this all happened?.......because I would go out and get her something to eat. Despite the fact that I just got home from my parents house (2 hour drive) and it was 11:00pm. <p>I am documenting everything and I think she needs professional help. <p>She will end up in the looney bin (for the 6th time). I don't want her back but I still love her. I don't know!

Child support is based on the amount of time you have the children.
Let's say she is awarded primary custody but you have them 26 of 30 days a month. She would not receive any support and should have to pay you.<p>She lost it last night and tried to grab my journal of events and screaming "Lies, lies, that is filled with nothing but lies". She then picked up my guitar case and proceeded to throw it outside before I could stop her.
Be calm, be gentle, don't grab her. Call the cops.<p>Sucks yes, but it will bite you if you don't.

I must have had an awful lawyer. After 17 years of marriage, I walked away with nothing. My ex bought me out of the house, he pays a few hundred in child support, no alimony...I was told I should be making big bucks with my education and experience. I had to take most of the money from the house to pay my attorney. All the invenstments, all the savings...he hasn't paid me the half he was told to. I didn't even get a car out of the deal.<p>My ex's philosophy was I wanted the divorce, so I got it. He gets evertything else. So, unless, I drag him to court again, he gets everything. He wouldn't even pay childsupport until I had probation garnish his wages.<p>It has been rough going, but I am taking care of myself and my children. It hurts to think that I was with this person for so many years of my life and this is what I have to show for it.