My marriage is down the tubes. We were married 2.5 years ago before 400 family and friends by her father, a Prysbyterian minister. I know we had communication problems, but I was totally shocked when my wife mentioned she wanted a divorce. She had felt empty emotionally. I did not provide her with the emotional intimacy she craved. Yes, most men don't need the emotional intimacy that women do, but I understand now. I was latter to find out the she had filled her emptyness by going ....<p>ONLINE and having an affair. <p>She started spending 4-5 hours a night on the internet. Yes, I should've figures something was wrong here. I don't think she intentionaly went looking for love, but she did feel a part of a new community of friends.<p>Last month, she has avoided contact with me by staying late at work and then not coming home until after I have gone to sleep. She said she wanted a divorce and that I deserved some one else. She must have rehearsed this speech. It sounded pretty reasonable.<p>After a Thanksgiving day argument, she asked me where I would like to be served with the divorce petition. This was supposed to be compassionate. I just felt like she was asking me which arm would I like to amputated.<p>I delayed this by stressing our dire financial situation. It's now 3 weeks latter and she will hold off at least until after christmas.<p>Problem
She felt so much hurt and pain, she is willing to break her word and marriage vow. She believes I am the source of her hurt and pain. She is now trying to fill her emtyness with a new infatuation. I really believe this will not be a lasting true love. I love he deeply and it hurts so much. I have changed and am willing to do what it takes to save our marriage. I feel anger at times and then I feel despair and then peace.<p>Friday 12/14/01 we attended a christian marriage councelor for a marathon 3.5 hour session. My hope was reconciliation of the marriage. She said she only came because she was pressured by our pastor Eric and her parents. At the end of the session she refused to come back. Her only goal now is to divide up our assets.<p>I confronted her and asked her if she was in love with someone else. She avoided the question at first by saying there are other people I would rather be with. When I asked again she lied straight to my face. I couldn't believe this. I already knew in my heart from so many things. I wanted to believe her, but couldn't. <p>This was not the woman I married. She always held true to her word, commitments, and would never respect a liar. I feel the truth is too terrible for her. Everything she is doing goes against her moral fiber, but she feels in love. Emotions can lead you astray. <p>I know I can learn from all this pain. God has strengthened my faith.<p>I did not truly understand the depth of my wife's unhappiness.<p>I didn't know how to speak her Language of Love.
I was a bad listner and didn't know my own emotions.<p>Marriage Failure is never just one sided. She was quick to anger and very impatient. She wanted the emotional intimacy and love that she didn't even know how to give herself. She Wanted: <p>Emotional intimacy
To feel valued
To be listened to<p>I Wanted:
Verbal affirmation of her love for me.
To Feel accepted and loved
Lifelong Companionship<p>Both of us were speaking a different love language. Now it may be too late. <p>Sadly, I contacted a divorce lawyer last week. I took off my wedding ring 4 days ago. I first took down the wedding pictures and then I put them back up. I still have hope...but it feels so hopeless. I've tried using Dobson Tough Love techniques, but this has not stopped my wife from filing for divorce.<p>Divorce Petition: Tuesday 1/8/02 my wife filed for divorce. My heart alerady bleeding cried out. I expected this, but I dread being served with the divorce petition. Even though our marriage lays in tatters, the actualy filing feels like the concrete death of our marriage union. We are only married in name with no love left but mine...I wonder How will I cope, How will I survive, How will I move on when my heart is still held captive by the woman I vowed to hold and keep till death The saddness is less intense and shorter, but the ache is still there. I know I don't know the future holds for me, only god knows. <p>Lost my wife
Lost dreams
Lost my job
Lost my uncle
Lost my heart<p>Fugitive: 1/11/02 I went to Canada for my Uncle Funereal and need to grieve for his death before I deal with my pending divorce. I'm not ready to let go emotionally. I have been hiding from my wife and the divorce petition. If my wife can't serve me she can't divorce me yet! At least I will deal the loss of Uncle's. I'll do some soul searching, praying, and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'll deal with the divorce paper work when I return in a week 1/21/02. <p>How do you turn your emotions and Love for a person off?? I need to let go some day and accept:<p>She has fallen in love with someone else
She has left our home
She has moved her belongings out
She has filed for divorce
She will serve me with the divorce petition<p>I wonder if I'm just prolonging the agony? Well, at least I'll have a week in Vancouver to prepare myself before I have to deal with the divorce. I have decided not to give up on my marriage, but also not to give in to the financial demands of my wife who makes more money than me. (especially since I lost my job 12/27/01 partially due to depression over my marriage.)<p> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ January 12, 2002: Message edited by: captain ]</p>
