I was posting here last summer, then moved to "recovery" when I thought that's where we were. But I was wrong. I went away for 4 days at Christmas to visit my family since H has still not come home after a year away, and that's all it took for him to be back with OW, hating me, lying to me, and verbally abusing me. <p>It seems he's been stringing me along because he wanted me to drop the restraining order I had against him and to reinstate him as a signer on our company checking account. Last spring we went through this and as soon as I made him a signer again, he kicked me out of the house and moved OW in. This time, same thing, though I'm still in the house and he is living in a B&B with the OW paid for by the company and he has the company checkbook.<p>I'm a mess grieving the loss, but this time, I also feel some relief. Is that weird? I just can't face anymore of the insanity. It feels worse than the thought of being alone, of giving up on our relationship after all the effort, all the plan A'ing, counselling, hoping, etc. <p>H is an addict/alcoholic who was sober for almost 10 years but has been drinking/using for the past 2 years and is heavily in denial that he has a problem. We've been together for 20 years. I'm 50 and the OW is 22. She's not physically attractive, but she's young, she parties with him, and adores him.<p>I know this will be a difficult time, but others have survived it and so can I.

I remember you from last summer. (I was TLC back then.) <p>Sorry you're "back" but don't worry ... you WILL survive, and you'll be a better person for what you've learned from the experience.

Princess, thanks so much for checking in. Yes I remember you as TLC!. This is a really hard time for me. I've reached this point so many times with my H during his drinking years (including these last 2 years and the A) and he's always managed to talk me out of it. <p>Somehow I could always "forget" the verbal abuse, but I can never forget the pain of the A, it's always with me, the insecurity and hurt, and I just can't bear to go through it again.