Hi K-<p>I'm glad you responded. Having done the whole pregnancy thing I think of you a lot. It makes this whole awful situation so much worse.<p>I have a question for you, what is a SH? I don't think I've even seen it before.<p>Interesting reaction from your WH to Plan B. It is amazing how upset so many WS's become when they are cut off emotionally from their BS's. Yours really went nuts. Sad though, that he's still in the fog.<p>Mine is as well, however in some ways it seems to be lifting a bit, but never enough to change anything. He lets his guard down or does things that show it, but then always runs. Of course, by now I have learned not to say anything or do anything when he does this stuff, but he's still caught up in his addicitions enough that he hasn't hit bottom yet.<p>My WH's OW lives out of town and since they don't see eachother a lot it is adding extra pressure as their relationship progresses. She is only 21 and in college three hours away, he is almost 33. I know she is starting to make more demands of him, which I realize is to be expected. I know that this little girl thinks he is the one, that he has left his wife and children for her, and they are going to be live happily together and raise their own little family. He of course has other ideas, but is keeping the fantasy alive by in my opinion stringing her along and playing the game. Furthermore, he is financially drained, but is managing to keep his fantasy going somehow. He is also telling a lot of people including her I'm sure that he will be financially set once our divorce is final in Feb. This of course isn't true, but she is young and in love and therefore believes everything he says. He continues to wine and dine her and then comes back home and complains to me how broke he is. Needless to say, I cut him off when he starts this. Anyway, I think more reality will set in after the divorce is finalized and things don't improve for him, but who knows, he always manages to squeak by.<p>As for the pregnancy, birth stuff. My WH showed very little interest. He also alternated from claiming she isn't his to I got pregnant on purpose to trap him. Of course neither are true and deep down I know he knows it. Anyway, I also really hoped that as the pregnancy progressed the fog would lift but it didn't. He was going to be present for the delivery. Part of me didn't want him to be, but I couldn't do it to my child. I didn't want her to ask why Dad hadn't been there and have to tell her because I wouldn't let him. So he was supposed to be there, but as God would have it my labor progressed so quickly that I delivered her myself at home a couple of minutes before he arrived to bring me to the hospital (So much for the movie like delivery where the WH experiences the birth of his child and is snapped back to his senses!)<p>Since she has been born he hasn't had a lot of contact. He has never been a baby person and when I pushed for him to force himself to make an effort since he isn't living with us and I was worried about the bonding process for both of them he simply told me he would get to know her when I was done with maternity leave. That was when she was three months and the damage was already done, the first time he took her she screamed for almost three hours and he really didn't know what to do. After that he was very tense and she screamed when with him, refused to eat, sleep, anything which is not at all like her. He has never taken her overnight, but I actually stopped all visitation because of how upset she was. I can't do it to her. The bad thing about it is that we never talked about stopping it, I just picked up early from the sitter one night when he was supposed to have the kids and I guess he was so relieved that I did that he never mentioned or questioned it. <p>It made me very sad that he didn't miss the time with her. It is probably the worst part of this whole situation. However, now he is getting a lot of pressure from our other kids and his family, maybe even from the OW about not taking her. I mean she is his child why wouldn't he want her? Anyway he has started asking me about taking her. She is now almost six months and we have just this week started gradually having them spend time together, it hasn't been a smooth process, but we are seeing little gains. My stomach is in knots because of it, but I have to get them to bond. This weekend is his weekend with the kids and just last night on the phone he asked if he was supposed to take her too. When I told him that I'd like him to take her for part of it, but not overnight he didn't even attempt to show his relief. <p>I don't know if any of this helps, but I know that knowing that I'm not alone always helps me. I am glad you are gaining weight again. I did the same thing. I actually lost 10 pounds when he first left. At the time I was three months pregnant and I didn't have a weight gain until I was six months. I was eating, but the stress was horrible. In the end I ended up gaining 25 pounds, which is 20 pounds less then with my other three pregnancies, but she was right around the same size as everyone else.<p>Don't worry about the housework etc. WHO CARES!!!! I know before mine was born I was really trying to Plan A hard and was keeping the house immaculate. Six days after she was born he came over and announced that we were done and he was going public with the OW. Needless to say, my house went to ****! It has since recovered and we are all doing fine.<p>Good luck with the counseling. I see a lot of pent up anger in my oldest, she is nine and I am seriously considering it for her. Money issues always suck. I think it is one of the worst areas for the WH to accept. It is amazing how quickly they forget how much it costs to raise a child when they have to support them while trying to pursue another relationship.<p>Good luck with everything. I am sorry that you too are headed for divorce. Hold your head high and enjoy those kids. Your little girl is a blessing in disguise. I know mine was a Godsend. As much as the pregnancy complicates an already complicated situation, she will get you through things that nobody else can. There is nothing like a newborn to reinforce what unconditional love and giving are all about. Treasure her and her brothers.<p>Take care and keep in touch. God bless you and good luck with everything!<p>K<p>PS- Sorry this was so long!
