I'd very much appreciate some advice and perspective on our situation, if you post, I'm likely to forward it on to my wife. I'm simply out of answers, and out of options!<p>
We've been married for a little over 2.5 years. My wife and I have known each other (we met in college) and have been dating on and off for about 10 years. We are both 28.<p>My wife is a peditrician in residency.
I am a software engineer.<p>This is our situation:
When we were first married, my wife was very positive, indicating that divorce would never be an option in her marriage. I was mildly unhappy, partly because I had to relocated and start a crappy, partly because she was working 80+ hours a week, and partly because I was suffering from depression.<p>As our marriage went on, I suffered one serious bout of depression and scared my wife quite a bit in an indicent where I was complating ending my frustrations. Afterwards, my wife insisted that I get medical attention for my condition. Of course, I did not accept her dianosis nor did I follow up for treatment.<p>She left me for a brief period due to my unwillingness to take anti-depressants. Basically, we had two incidents where she left me. The last one, I agreed to take the medication as a condition of my marriage.<p>She didn't think that I was willing to do it, but it was a lot easier for me to have things laid out and expectations (needs) written down. For the last several months, I've been doing everything that she expects and quite a bit more.<p>She's been very insistant that we join a church and find a place for our marriage in the church (which is also something that I hadn't done for her in the past). We've done that and have been part of a very good church with a focus on married couples - we go every weekend that we have time to attend.<p>We just got back from a great vacation and we were planning other activities. I stopped in to drop off a small gift to my wife and she was pretty upset. <p>
Basically, she tells me that she can see that I'm doing everything possible to meet her needs. I've satisfied her that I'm willing to do the things that she requires to make her feel comfortable with me and comfortable that we are going forward in our relationship. <p>The only problem is that she's not happy. She doesn't think she can ever get back to the idea state or happiness that she had before things occured in our marriage. She says that I've been doing a great job of being supportive, loving, and caring, but she can't find the energy to make an effort to try and make the marriage work. She sees no way that, even with an effort, she could be happy in the relationship.<p>She's very upset and tells me that she still loves me very much, but she's basically unhappy in the relationship.<p>We've had 2 counselors and have gone to counseling about 8 times in the last 8 months or so. Our last counselor would ask her, "do you want to try and make your marriage work" - she would say yes, but not really do anything for or against the marriage. I suppose she was waiting for me to fail and revert to unacceptable behaviors.<p>We were in the middle of changing counselors - to someone recommeneded by a friend - when this occured. <p>I told her before if she would see a counselor (the last one), that I wouldn't ask her to do so again.<p>I love my wife very much. My wife tells me that she loves me also, but just isn't happy and can't see a future where things get better.<p>I don't want to be manipulative, or hurtful to her.. If she can't be happy with me, then I do want the best for her and to see her get on with her life. It hurts very much to hear her say that she wants a divorce.<p>I'm not being impulsive or mean towards her. The result for me has been a lot of depression and high anxiety. I'm coping, but it definately affects my quality of life.<p>If anyone has advice on this situation, I'd greatly appreciate it.. Opinions would be welcome, I just don't have anything that I can say to her to make her see things differently.<p>-D
