Top 20 Signs You Drink too Much Coffee<p>1- Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
2- You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
3- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
4- You sleep with your eyes open.
5- You watch videos in fast-forward.
6- You lick your coffeepot clean.
7- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
8- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
9- You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
10- You can jump-start your car without cables.
11- Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low.
12- You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.
13- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
14- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
15- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
16- Instant coffee takes too long.
17- You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
18- You name your cats Cream and Sugar.
19- Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
20- Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty
thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.<p>She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm completely nude."<p>With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the
dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"<p>Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She
jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.
She then picked up all the money and clothes and
quickly departed.<p>The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU
were watching!"<p>Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

GUARDIAN ANGEL<p>A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall on your head and kill you." <p>The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while, he was going to cross the road. <p>Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." <p>The man did as instructed, and just then, a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" <p>"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. <p>"Oh yeah?" the man asked, "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Coffee Break <p>A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. She asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."<p>"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."