For those of you that read my posts months back, this is the outcome. Got a call from my cousin that said that somebody heard my husband having sex with his secretary, in his office. My husband & soon to be X never had 3 affairs but one cozy one with a woman that I speak to everyday. I am furious. I took it one step further. He has been making me crazy with all the lying that I finally hired a private investigator. Let the snake pay for his honesty. I have asked him numerous times if it was her & he laughs at me claiming that she is not at all his type. He swore that he stopped the affairs 8 months ago but was heard having sex last week. I also made him promise me that if he needed sex that, at this point, he hasn't been getting from me, that he has to leave the marriage 1st. He agreed! I have 5 children ranging in ages 1yr. to 11yrs.I am a decent looking woman of 41, have been hitting our home gym every day with a vengeance. I am contemplating getting breast surgery & a tummy tuck, for now one other than myself, to add a little self-confidence into the mix. I’m tired of being Bula, which is not my real name but a name that I gave myself do to mommy wipe my tush, mommy he hit me, mommy wipe my nose yada, yada, yada! I live for the day to bust her marriage wide open. I live in a beautiful big house but what I really am is a glorified babysitter, while he is out f-----g the woman who wants my life. I am reading his needs her needs & dr. Harley states that if a woman wants to change her hair style that she should clear it with her husband 1st because he married a certain image. BULL****! That was a very sexist remark, I might add. He never mentioned the fact that if a man loses his hair does he have to clear it with his wife to shave it off. This turned me off to his philosophy. I will never turn to so-called plan A & try to lure my husband back. He f----d up & I am over drawn in the love bank. I’m done for now & probably for good. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

1. Counseling for depression
2. Anger management
3. Learning forgiveness<p>These three things will do so much more for you than a boob job and tummy tuck, my friend.

((((BULA))))<p>I'm so sorry that you found out this information about your h. I just don't understand how they can continue to lie and all. Not to forget that he is doing this to not only you but your children.<p>I was a plan a failure... by the time my ex left the home to be with the ow.. I was down 65lbs and was a mess. I sat the entire summer in my room, only left for work and groceries or if the younger boy need to go somwhere. Then when I was reading the paper in the vets office in sept/00 There it was... he filed for the divorce... he didn't even tell me.<p>Maybe you should try something else.... I don't know... there is a book out there Love Must Be Tough... by James Dobson. There are also other websites...www.divorcebusting.com and http://www.affairs-help.com/<p>Gather some more info and see what might work best for you.......<p>With paln a, I was the doormat... plain and simple. He was going along whisteling and all continuing his affair and I was dying inside... I had lost so much weight, that people at work thought I was dying of cancer!! I guess at that time I wish I was... EXCEPT that I didn't want the dirtyWH**E moving in my big new house too.
Hes still with ther and all... she lives in another country.... he would tell me how bad she felt about our marriage breaking up etc... right ...... then why didn't she leave him...ok... I'm getting angry...<p>Hey... I know this is hard, but keep your chin up.....so your homework... read the book and go to the other websites...... <p>I wish you peace......s

1. Counseling for depression
2. Anger management
3. Learning forgiveness
These three things will do so much more for you than a boob job and tummy tuck, my friend.<p>
Yes you are so right but the boob job & the tummy tuck is my perk.Mine,Mine,Mine!!!

Hey.....<p>I even thought of the boob job... by the time he left I was skin and bones... no tummy what to speak of....<p>Know what changed my mind... The doctor showed me what the boobs looked like 2,3,4,5 days after the surgery..... OUCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought.... I can't do that.....I even think I covered my boobs with my hands....<p>But Honey, I'll tell ya what.... if thats what you want...and you think you're gonna get divorced... get it paid for before the any legal papers are signed. (Throw it on a charge card... and tell them you we're distraught and wanted your H back and you thought this would help get him home...) then he'll have to pay for half of the surgery and Guess What... he won't be able to enjoy them either !!!<p>Sorry that is the other me.... or maybe I shouldn't have treated myself to a Baileys and coffee this am !!! OOOOppps<p>Keep your chin up....Take Care of YOU !!<p>Blessings,
s

IMHO, these things are great advice but not at this time.
1. Counseling for depression
2. Anger management
3. Learning forgiveness<p>One thing I have learned in counseling is the timing of everything. People can give great advise at the wrong time. It is called meeting the need of the moment. It is a need - but not at this moment.
Now is the time to be angry and be depressed and be resentful and bitter. The others will come as a desire in a couple of weeks. Right now you need to feel your feelings and be true to them. They serve a purpose in the healing. Read MYOWNME's post on detaching. That is what you need right now. Call it Plan B, call it tough love, call it whatever you want. But know this.... it is o.k. to contemplate divorce. it is o.k. to not want you marriage. I just ask that you take some time before to sort through it. Let the anger subside. Take your time. You have the rest of your life to get a divorce and it really doesn't change anything. The healing doesn't come from a piece of paper. It comes with time and working on you - start that process first then you will be able to make your decision on what is best for you and your family - not based on emotions, but wisdom. Read my signature line. I have been there and honestly I am at a place now where I can say - I am in recovery for me - do I think my H will never have an affair again? I don't know. But for now we are both trying and working on our marriage. I am becoming strong and no longer believe in marriage "at all cost". I think I became healthy and set healthier boundaries when I came to the acceptance that divorce IS an option and IS necessary sometimes.