H left 4 days ago to get "some space". I let him go. He knows I want him back. My question may sound trivial, but should I insist he give me his key? He has come over a couple of times after I had gone on to bed and was sleeping. (which isn't much these days) He let himself in and woke me up. Just to spend a few minutes he said . Then as soon as we start to get a good conversation going... he has to go.(after about 30 min.) Is he just playing mind games or what? Any imput is appreciated. Thank You.

Hmm. That is a difficult situation. Do you go to bed at a certain time each day? Because if your sleeping patterns are predictable, and he knows you'll be in bed when he comes over, I'd be more inclined to think he's playing a game than if it's possible he didn't know you were asleep yet. If you want him back, consider that you asking for him to hand over his key adds a touch of finality to your arrangements. For what they're worth, here's my two cents: it sounds to me like he's sincere. He left to "get space", not because he didn't love you anymore. Particularly if he comes over at bedtime, maybe that's just the time of day when he misses you most and feels lonely. I'll assume by your saying "when we get a good conversation going" you mean a meaty conversation, really getting to some of the issues you both need to deal with. When the conversation turns serious like that, maybe he gets scared off. It's difficult to say without knowing more about what he says, how he says it, etc., when he leaves, but it sounds like the "serious" conversations give him cold feet. Does he give a reason for coming over? Does he give a reason for leaving? Do you visit him wherever he's staying now? Sorry to have raised more questions than I've answered....

younglove,<BR>Thank You for responding. These days I don't know if I am coming or going. I don't trust my own judgement. <BR>No, I don't visit him. or call him or ask him over. I told him I was going to leave that up to him. I did "accidentally" run into him at his work yesterday.(he works at a local furniture store) I had my sister with me and said she needed some new furniture. He stayed and talked to me for Quite awhile. I told him several times if he needed to go back to work - I would understand. He kept saying no, He was fine.<BR>He walked me out to the car and gave me a huge hug. He said he would come over and call when he had more time. (he works 12 hr.days- 5 to 6 days a week)<P>I always go to bed about the same time every night. The first time he did this, it was the night after he left. He called and my mother told hin I was in bed asleep. She went home and not more than 10 min. later there he was. He did want anything. Said he just came by to see me. He wwoke me up again the next night - same reason, but he did not call first. And the 3rd night he said he needed his pillow and his bath scrubby. Each time he stays about 30 min. and then says it's getting late, He should go. He always hugs me good-bye. I tell him I love him. Sometimes he says it back.<P>The conversations aren't extemely meaty. Once, I asked for some time for us, and he said" I'm here aren't I?". And yesterday, I asked if he had thoght any more about us, He said he did not know, He was perfectly happy with the ways things were going. <P>I just feel like I am getting mixed signals. Sometimes I think his heart is softening and he is just scared of failing again. Other times I just feel like a doormat. I wasn't sure about the key. I did not want to make him feel like an outsider to our home, but I don't want him to feel like he can go play for as long as he wants either. He has made comments to people in the past that he knows no matter what- I would take him back.He has not told anyone that this is a perm. situation. He says he just needs some space to figure it all out.<P>Sorry to dump all of this on you. This started out to be just a question about a key. But is helps to get it out. Thanks!<BR>

WOW we should get together and have coffee! The only difference with us is.. he doesn't come over. I go to his place, with the story " I was just in the area, thought I'd stop by" He really wants me to call first. So, ask you H to call first. I wouldn't ask for the key back, he might need to feel that he can come home and that your door will be open, so to speak. That's my opinion for today, with my irrational thinking these days who knows what I'll think tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you.