I read about Plan B. Great idea.<p>Only... my wife doesn't want child support or
alimony. Then acts like a sacred cow and
waltzes in and out of my life when she pleases.
Kids are much better off when she can come and
go to/from my place and we can talk about their
needs and 10,000 other things and not fight or
be angry.<p>All I want is to get frisky with my ex wife.
She'll have none of that. <p>"no real motivation to choose one over the other"<p>I cut and pasted that from the texts.<p>I'm between a rock and a hard place. Financial
and legal suicide and make the kids life miserable
v.s. plan B.

I read about Plan B. Great idea.
Only after an effective Plan A for 6 months.<p>Only... my wife doesn't want child support or
alimony.
??? Plan B you do not give her alimony. Besides, alimony is only after a divorce.<p>Then acts like a sacred cow and
waltzes in and out of my life when she pleases.
No, she waltzes in & out of your life when you let her.<p>Kids are much better off when she can come and go to/from my place and we can talk about their needs and 10,000 other things and not fight or be angry.
No, kids are much better off with mom & dad in their life.<p>All I want is to get frisky with my ex wife.
What? No marriage or relationship for you, eh?<p>"no real motivation to choose one over the other"
You must give your wife motivation to pick you or the om. Plan A shows your spouse you can be a better person. Plan B you give them the choice of you or om. This is their motivation.<p>I really have no idea what is going on with you.<p>Are you divorced?<p>Who has custody of the children?<p>I'm between a rock and a hard place. Financial and legal suicide and make the kids life miserable v.s. plan B.
???
Plan B you still visit your children (or have custody & let the ws visit. Why are they miserable now when you are not in Plan B?<p>Are you saying if you went to Plan B, then you would not be in financial or legal trouble & your kids would be happy?<p>If you are divorced, custody, child support & alimony should already be worked out.<p>How about telling your story a little bit.<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</p>

OK, I guess I have to get into the specifics of
reality.<p>Lawyer's computer says $2100/mo. for two kids. $600/mo. for alimony.<p>She says, keep it. She has a professional
job and doesn't need it. For her it was
immigration, then support through university.
That's enough. She could clean me out
financially but doesn't want to.

I updated my profile with pertinent info BTW.

I guess we have to do this one question at a time.<p>Are you divorced now?

Yes, I'm divorced now. And she is remarried
with another guy.

All I want is to get frisky with my ex wife.
She'll have none of that.
Of course she won't .She is you ex wife & she is married to some one else. You should not even be seeking to "get frisky" with her.<p>Have read about Plan A?
Do you understand it?
How long have you (tried to) applied these principles?

Married 1990. She needed US
immigration papers.<p>She planned divorce 1991, but...
Uh, I'd be careful about posting illegal activities (getting married to get someone immigration papers).

WOW sums up my comment for this, but......<p>First of all, I really, truly do not intend to hurt your feelings, flame you or put you or your emotions down in ANY way. I just feel that you need to have a bit of a reality kick here, and if you get sore, I am truly sorry. Well here goes........<p>back2gether, you really cannot expect w to get frisky with you any more. She is someone else's W, and has a new life, much as this hurts you.<p>I am wondering if you think that having her in your bed will change her mind and get her to return to you? I don't think that is realistic.<p>The terrible truth now is that you do not have any claim over her emotions for you, and if she is being less than a good mother to the children now, you cannot control that either.<p>What you CAN control is YOU. Your emotions, your reactions, your raising of the kids, without her.<p>I believe that since she has married someone else, you ought to be in Plan B, for your own peace. This is a hard step to take, but if you are accepting that your communications will ONLY be about kids and business, and nothing more, I believe it will help YOU get on the road to recovery for yourself.<p>My 2 cents, anyway.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky