Here are the highlights...please bear with me.<p>25 years ago met my college sweetheart..married him, 2 sweet boys, moved cross country.<p>6 months after move, he wants a divorce. Find out OW involved from work. Nasty divorce..they find out she has cancer in Jan. they marry in June, she dies in July.
3 months later he is dating again...they have a child (not married because of ??) they marry one year later.<p>I remarry (too soon and didn't heed the red flags cause "I was in love"). My STBX was an alcoholic, and financially unstable. He emotionally abused my boys and I for 13 years. He has been in recovery now for 5 years.<p>He would scream and throw things and put holes in the walls etc etc..and the boys would hear this!<p>When he started recovery (AA) I was all for it, knowing he needed a new start. What I didn't know was that he would go to meetings 6+nights a week and turn his back on his family. AA BECAME HIS FAMILY... he spent no time with us at all.<p>We have a daughter who is 11. I had two miscarriages one before and after.<p>Our house burned in '96, 2 weeks later he lost his really good job (due to the alcohol)<p>My youngest son went through major depression because of the fire. He is now fine and doing great as a college freshman.<p> My oldest became involved in drugs and wouldn't go to school, got caught 2x with drugs and is still on probation.
BUT..he is now clean and working and happy (I think)<p>I worked for the first 7 years of our 13 yr marriage and have been a mom for the last 6.<p>3 years ago I was diagnosed with major depression and have been on medication since.<p>I found out H was having an A (with someone from AA) 5 months ago..he moved out 2 days after i found out.<p>The pain has been overwhelming.
He told me that he felt that "he was just a walking checkbook" in our home and no one cared about him. <p>I know I am rambling...sorry...this has been so hard.<p>I have been in a divorce group now for 2 weeks and my daughter went to her first one this week.<p>H says he has now broken up with OW as she was mad that he had time for his daughter and not her and that she was "just too needy".<p>My boys (now 19 and 21) are so angry with him and have no respect left for him at all.<p>My daughter (now 11) is having such a hard time. She loves her daddy but hates him so much too.<p>I am so angry that he broke up our family over someone he really didn't care that much about. <p>He is still supporting us (TG) but is spending so much money on boy toys...new car, computer, household furniture etc...plus what he spent on the gf...we have no extra $'s ...just what he gives me for groceries.<p>He became very sick before Xmas and had to be in intensive care for over a week...my daughter and i spent the first 3 days (24hrs) at the hospital with him...then he asked to see OW. I refused to see him again but took my daughter back to visit.<p>He had another emergency last weekend and ended up in the hospital again (i took him) and my daughter and i spent the weekend with him again. As soon as he was better he said TY and began ignoring me again.<p>I am so confused.<p>On top of all of the above WE HAVE NO HEALTH INSURANCE...so the bills are just mounting up. yes, i know...i am so angry about that too..as I have begged many times to please get us insurance. He can buy his toys but can't take care of his family.<p>There's so much more to tell but I think this is enough for right now..<p>THank you all for reading ...<p>At this point in time, I am still trying to decide if I want a divorce or if I want to try reconciliation.<p>Any and all advice welcome..<p>Thanks again all

new here and confused...sorry for the double posts all

Hi Roz and welcome-<p>Read everything of the Harleys' it is very good. Also, have you tried Al-Anon? They have so much info. <p>My WH is an alcoholic in denial. Our marriage was definately suffering when he started his affair with a 20 year old, college student who was a summer worker at his job, he was 31 at the time.
He too claimed he didn't feel loved, was only wanted for his paycheck, etc. I realize now how bad the alcoholism really had effected us and my part as a resentful enabler in our problems. <p>Anyway, they are still together a little over a year later and we are getting divorced, his triple fog of addicitions to the affair, alcoholism, and gambling has simply been too thick for me to break through. I have however between the Harleys' stuff and Al-Anon found an inner peace and am much happier with my own life.<p>I wish you the best of luck. Come here whenever you need to vent or have questions.<p>K

K thanks so much for the warm welcome. <p>I am just trying to get by day by day. It has been a struggle and hurts so much.<p>But I am a survivor and will make it through with help.