I don't want to live any more .
Why did he do that?
He could be a father without marriage.
How could he do that to our girls?
How could he erase 22 yrs?
What now?
I don't want to live<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: betrayed and desperate ]</p>

so why are you taking a crazy man so hard?
is marriage the goal line? the end of the game?
are their any people who you know who has survived a divorce?<p>i realize you live in europe, but is life different over there than here?<p>sg

But everyone thinks I am crazy and HE finally did the right thing after 19 yrs of prison, almot kids also partly believe in that.
So that means I am wrong. It IS the end of the game.
The life stoppes when you are 43, alone too educated, almost poor, left with two kids-who even think to go to live with him cause "he is always happy, ful of money, satisfied, has fun, enjoys life..."<p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by sportsguy:
<strong>so why are you taking a crazy man so hard?
is marriage the goal line? the end of the game?
are their any people who you know who has survived a divorce?<p>i realize you live in europe, but is life different over there than here?<p>sg</strong><hr></blockquote>

Please get help. Everyone thinks... who cares what everyone thinks? I am not even sure they do. I think you believe it so you believe everyone else believes it. <p>I dont believe you are crazy - I am somebody - so not everyone thinks...<p>I am sorry you are hurting so bad. It is very rough but get some professional help so you can get better.

BAD,<p>I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling today. This final stab in the back seems more than you can bear, but you will survive, yet again.<p>Do not let this make you feel that your life is not worth living. That worries us here, when people say that. It is not a solution. You are an important person to us and we care about you. Please do not think those dark thoughts anymore.<p>Did you get some anti-d's? It may be time to go to the doctor for another consultation, because this is a new, more difficult trauma. <p>You need to make an immediate appointment with your counsellor. <p>Is there a possibility that you can get away for a while, just you.........take some time for yourself? I feel that you need some space from the situation.<p>As to what 'everybody' thinks, well, I am not so sure they do think that. Who tells you that you are crazy? Who tells you your husband did the right thing? I would bet it was your husband who said that. Of course, he would. It justifies his actions.<p>You MUST not let this drag you down....it is power to them. Everytime you let it get so bad that you want to die, it is power to them. Tell yourself, PLEASE, that you will NOT let them do this to you.<p>You are a valuable and loved human being (yes, loved, by your daughters - okay neither are good at showing you right now, they have their own issues about this). And I believe the fact that no-one told you of the marriage is because they knew it would HURT you......that means they CARE.<p>I feel for you BAD, and I will send much love and healing light your way. Do you believe in God, or Gaurdian angels? You need only ask for help to get through this. They always answer.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Unfortunately I am an atheist so no one can help me.
No I will not die(unfortunately again) , I was afraid of myself so I have no meds at home (like a real MD) and now even OD takes me of the computer.<p>I rely don't know how to hold on, what to hold on.
It seems everything is ove, have no future.
And I am so afraid of more loneliness

You are valuable. You have lots of friends here who care about you.<p>In all sincerity, your post is that of a woman who needs help. Do you have a physician? I don't care if it is a general practitioner, internist, ob/gyn, any kind of dr. will do. Talk to her/him!!!! Tell them what is going on and how you feel. Ask them for help.<p>They may be able to help you with medication. Trust me, there is much to be said for antidepressants and antianxiety drugs. They can be real lifesavers. <p>And they can probably help you find emotional help - a counselor to listen to you. Someone to help you resolve your issues and to look at the situation in a more healthy manner.<p>For your own sake, as well as for the sake of your two children, do this. Monday!!! Don't wait. The longer you wait, the heavier the load will be.

B&D<p>Please keep posting here as you will get some of the support you need. However, as many others and myself have said, you need to speak to a doctor. Also, may I suggest you speak to a missionary or clergyman in your country. I think Mike said Crotia, but I'm not sure. Find out if there are any missions around. You may think of yourself as an antheist but God loves you and if you reach out to someone, I pray you can find the comfort and emotional support you desire right now. Please convince your daughters that you need to post in this forum too. However, I suggest getting someone in person in your country just because we all need that personal connection too. <p>God Bless you, <p>PP

Thanks once again,
I wrote much more on another thread.
You are right, about meds. I am MD and I hate drugs , every drug, and I mentioned on the other thread that my C is in the hospital and you can't talk each time with another and start from beginning. But anyway he helped me a lot last night. In spite of his illness he wrote me few SMSs and tried aand helped me.<p>I have in a local Catholic church a young priest who is said of being possible to see the future. Whether this is or is not the truth he is so nice man who is so well to talk with so I do that from time to time. He is welll educated, young, with modern thoughts , full of simpazthy and talking to him helps. Of course I have to admit that it helps a lot when he says that even with a baby on the way he see he would be back and that I strongly punish him with my love and offering him forgiveness. He thinks that will win.
i am not so sure but it's nice to hear. On the other hand maybe that stopps me from finding strength to really change my life.
Don't know.

Don't put too much stock in the young priest being able to tell the future. <p>Personally, I have found that being nice to my x helps me cope sometimes because I do not feel as good about myself when I allow my anger or dislike for him to take over. I have to treat him in such a manner that I can respect myself. And sometimes this is hard. But I get such a sense of wellbeing from doing it.<p>And, as for the meds, if you were diabetic, would you hesitate to take medication? If you had a seizure disorder, would you hesitate to take medication? If you had a heart condition, would you hesitate to take medication? IF YOU ARE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED, and I believe you are based on your posts, you have an organic problem. And it can be helped.<p>You are causing yourself and your children more distress by ignoring the chemical nature of part of your condition. Please don't continue to ignore it.<p>And as for this man who has so hurt you, is his behavior that of someone you would trust and welcome back into your home? Would you have him to do another child what he has already done to two?<p>Do you see yourself as an individual without him? Perhaps you need to work on that part of your spiritual life - the life that deals with your inner self rather than with predictions of the future. Ask the priest if he can help you find yourself.<p>(By the way, at a low, low point in my life, I was driving through the night -it was after midnight - in a rural area where there were almost no signs of life. My children were asleep in the back seat of my car. My x had moved out only a week or two before. There was no one around but me. I drove by a church and the sign in front said "Seek God and He will find you." And that was what I needed right then - when I was as low as could be. Perhaps, though you don't believe God is out there, you need to consider the possibility that talking to him - just as you talk to a friend - would help. Yelling at him is ok? Asking him questions is ok. Just be sure to listen for the answers which could come from another person, something you read, or a sign by the side of the road.)

Hi Sweatie. The first thing I want you to do is take a breath. Slow Down and Relax. I agree with most of the posts above. You are depressed as Cinder says. Go see a Doctor. You are a bright educated person. Go see the Doctor. <p>Did you make a list of your strengths.. I seem to remember I sent an e-mail to you that explained why you should do that. <p>Please believe me.... IT WILL GET BETTER!!. It just takes time. <p>Let the healing begin. I know its tough, I know he betrayed you, I know he's neglecting his/your childern. Stop worrying about him. WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF. Nobody wins if you take this thing out on yourself. And belive me, IT AIN'T WORTH IT!!.<p>1.)So go see a Doctor and get on Anti-Depressants.
2.)Stop focusing on the betrayal and start focusing on YOU.
3.)Take a breath and Relax.
4.)Go write down your list of strenghts.<p>For the sun will shine on your face in the morning. Things will be OK.. <p>Tex.

I hope you are doing better this morning. <p>Kids act in different ways to this situation. And mostly it is trying to get through it themselves. It is not fun for anyone.<p>Please take care of yourself today. Take a bath, relax and think about what you want from your life. <p>I know it is not easy...and neither you or I wanted this when we got married. But there is still life to enjoy and things to experience. Don't let this situation destroy you. Write me again...I am pulling for you.