What an overwhelming, shocking, emotionally draining day.<p>I had a doctor's appointment and two job interviews. STBX called me before the 1st appointment about his truck he is selling. I mentioned I had back to back appointments today and would be gone all day...<p>HUGE MISTAKE...Lesson learned, don't tell stbx's when you plan to be gone all day...It didn't occur to me he'd try to get in the house while I'm out. BTW, I have temporary possession of the house.<p>So, as he talked to me about selling the truck, I told him I'd discuss it later, that it was time for the first appointment.<p>After the appointment, I had to stop off to get a map at the house for the next appointment. I called STBX on the way to finish the discussion on the truck. I told him I'm on my way to second appointment, and I didn't mention that I was stopping by the house, I pull on to our street and imagine my surprise as I am talking to him and his truck is setting in my driveway...<p>Shock and disbelief were my first emotions...I said, "Ohmygosh! What are you doing at the house?"<p>He said, "Uhhh? What?"<p>I said, "What are you doing at the house?"<p>I pulled in the driveway, still stunned, as he appeared from side of the house, where the gate is to the backyard. Thinking back now, the look on his face was priceless. I saw him trying to worm out an answer.<p>Still talking on cel phones to each other, he said, "Oh I was waiting on you?" (he knew I'd be gone all day!) He said, "I needed a tool out of the garage." I said, "You never told me you were coming and I've been talking to you all day..." Then he said, "Well, I thought I still had a garage door opener and I needed a tool out of the garage." (he knew he didn't have one anymore!) (btw, the garage isn't close to the backward...)<p>Anyway, shocked I just told him to never come over again without my permission. Which I have already stated to him several times.<p>Later that day we talked again. I said, "Why did you come from the side of the house?" He said, "I refuse to argue with you about this." I repeated the question a couple of times and he never answered it.<p>He told me...the house is half his...what am I hiding?...Then he started trying to intimidate me and getting mad by saying over and over, "What are you hiding?" He said he couldn't understand why I don't want him there...Well, he finally sort of admitted to being in the backyard, then when I said something about him trying to get in, he said, "I never tried to get in."<p>I told him my lawyer is concerned enough about this and she is sending notice to his lawyer about the incident. I also told him I am informing my neighbors if they ever see him there and I am not home, or if he is ever there at a strange hour, they are to immediately call the police. He screamed at me, "You and your lawyer can kiss my f'ing A**."<p>I am still overwhelmed and stunned by today's events.<p>I had two job interviews afterwards and needless to say, I was a little off balance interviewing but tried hard to just compose myself and not think about it.<p>Well, typing often helps me deal with things. I hope it does this time.<p>As soon as I land a job, I am getting a security system.<p>Little by little I have started sleeping better and feeling safer. I am sad about everything that happened today, I am concerned as well...<p>Take care and thanks for listening.<p>ANNA<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

Ooooooohhhhh Brooooother!!!!!<p>I say, set up a "nanny-cam" and DON'T tell him. <p>I'm so sorry for your day...hope you have a better weekend. What a jerk!<p>Aloha,
Ms.O

Thanks Ms. O I appreciate the support. He was a jerk. What was he thinking? <p>Just to let you guys know...<p>I slept okay last night. <p>I called the police this morning. They told me I needed to call yesterday, that this is a tough situation because even though I have temporary possession of the house the divorce is not final.<p>They did tell me that if I called the police right away he could be arrested for trespassing, and if he broke into the house he could get arrested for breaking and entering. However, he warned me the police are often concerned with arresting a part owner of the house for tresspassing, even if I have temporary papers.<p>If this ever happens again, which I truly hope it doesn, I won't be taken off guard, I will not let him see me if possible and I will call the police. I am also going to tell my neighbors unless it's day time and I am there, if they see his truck at an odd hour or while I am not home to immediately call the police.<p>I am going to get a lock for the backyard gate and as stated before as soon as I can I am going to get an alarm system.<p>We have been separated for 8 months this is weird for him to pull this crap now.<p>
Again thanks for responding Ms. O, last night I was not handling this very well.<p>ANNA

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Perhaps this is a little off-topic on your thread, but I have a similar situation from the other side. I moved out a couple months ago under plan B (I'm the BS). When I have the kids, sometimes I have to get into the house because my wife forgot to send their medicine, cub scout uniform, winter coat, something like that. And she's rarely home when I have the kids. Usually but not always, the kids are with me when I enter and I'm only a few minutes.<p>A couple weeks ago, she called and requested I just leave some of the kids stuff on the porch while she was out. Including a new Sony Playstation 2, and a saxophone, in sub-freezing weather for who knows how long. Wouldn't have done it, but fortunately, she happened to be there when I knocked on the door.<p>She hasn't changed the key, but she bars the front door now and has changed the garage door code. My son knows the code, and he's not supposed to tell anyone, especially not me. A couple days ago we needed to get his medicine, so he opened the garage door and we went in together. (Her car was in the garage but she wasn't there. Son asked why and I sort of sloughed it off).<p>Anyway, on these occasions there is no choice, and I'm not so worried about her privacy. Her concern is too much like her obsession with privacy while I was still living there, and she was carrying on her MLC. Actually, since moving out I don't spend nearly as much time thinking about what she does, which is great.<p>We own the house jointly. No divorce papers have been filed. So here's my question - what kind of papers or ruling would keep me out of the house? What kind of argument would that take on her part, to get such a ruling?<p>- Tom

Tom,<p>When I called the police today I told them I had temporary papers stating I had possesion of the house, then they asked me if I informed him in writing that I did not want him in the house, I said, "Yes in an email.", they told me this would help, but to also have my attorney inform him, they also told me next time it happens to contact them, and if he's just on the property only they'd warn him the first time and arrest him the second time. If he's inside the house they will arrest him. They also told me it would help if I were to get it stated in my divorce decree that he is to not go in the house unless he has my permission, the children's permission is not enough. I am going to talk to my attorney about this next week.<p>Tom, you moved out, you have your residence, she has hers, it is obvious from the steps she is taking, she doesn't want you in the house, she considers it an invasion of privacy, before it gets out of hand and lawyers get involved, before she changes the garage door code every time you have custody of the children, or before she gets an alarm system and turns it on when you have them, I would suggest you send your children in the house for their items and stay out of her residence, the children should be able to locate their items.<p>Take care and good luck,<p>ANNA

mylife,<p>I have been so busy looking for a job and learning new software, I have not have much time to read post on here. It does sound like you are going through a lot of what I am going through, but yours even took it a step further and broke into the home. I went through a lot of emotions over this yesterday, disbelief, sad, concerned, anger. He has no right to put me through this.<p>I had told him I was upset and I was just starting to sleep well, to please stop whatever it is he is doing.<p>He wrote me an email regarding that today and here's the part about what he did yesterday...<p>I have done nothing wrong or inappropriate. I am concerned about the kids. I'm sorry you don't sleep well. May I suggest an individual counselor. It's obvious you have a lot of unsettling emotions you can't deal with. I'm just trying to help and survive in this state of
limbo we find ourselves drifting in. I won't bring this up again or further respond.<p>I wrote him this back...<p>Please note I am taking your actions of coming in my backyard without my
permission seriously.<p>After my shock and disbelief wore off I contacted the Houston police today, the
Northwest Substation, to file a report. I told them I have temporary
possession of the home, the officer informed me because I didn't call them
immediately there isn't much I can do as far as filing charges this time. He
told me to call them immediately next time, he said I should warn you since I
have papers stating temporary possession of the residence and I have informed
you to stay off the property you could be arrested for trespassing if found on
the property, and arrested for breaking and entering if found inside the
residence. This was a big lesson learned to me, I want to inform you I will not
hesitate to call the police immediately next time you come on the property
without my permission. If you are not picking up the children, I will only give
you written permission otherwise. I have also informed my neighbors around me,
if you are on the property at a strange hour or when my vehicle is not in the
driveway to immediately notify the police also. I have given them a written
statement stating you shouldn't be on the property.<p>I am also going to lock the back gates from now on so any entrance into the back
gates would only be by breaking and entering. I am looking into a security
system and other security devices. My attorney has been contacted and she will
be in touch with your attorney as well. This is so sad that it has come to all
of this, and now I must take steps to protect myself and to feel safe in my own
home.<p>Please note again, you are not allowed on my property or in my residence without
my written permission, and the only written permission I am giving you is
permission to pick up the children in the driveway during your scheduled visits,
there is NO written permission allowing you inside my residence, for any reason,
ever.<p>Anyway, there's the latest, just in case he tries it this weekend I wanted it in writing.<p>ANNA

Soory to here what happen.<p>When my ex (then H) would stop by, he thought he had evey right in the world.. it would drive me crasy when I would see something missing in the garage/house... I had my lawyer talk to his lawyer and got it worked out. He also wanted to store his tires etc in the garage... I told him I wasn't his mini storage and to go elsewhere.<p>The nerve of them....<p>Stay safe and do alert all your neighbors... give them you're cell number too. <p>s

Thanks Shoick, <p>I am getting my lawyer involved too. He just sent me another email and it just made me realize I can only secure the house so much, but I can not concern myself with what he will or won't do, I have no control over his actions and I refuse to let him control my emotions...<p>Here's his latest email which I will not respond too.<p>I did not go in your back yard. I was inspecting the water system I
installed long ago on the side of the house, the same house you are letting
go to ruin, thereby reducing my equity in it, and I am certainly not guilty
of breaking and entering.<p>If you saw me coming from your back yard you are either having delusions or
guilty of lying.<p>If you are spreading malicious rumors to the neighbors about me I will sue
you for liable.<p>And, for your information, I will not settle out of court until I get
permission to inspect the premises for any of my personal possessions. Feel
free to contact your attorney.<p>You have proven in the past you can not be trusted and you are once again
confirming this fact.<p>I will not step foot on the (address deleted) plot for you can not be trusted not to call the police anyways.<p>Please submit your request to me via certified mail so I can be sure I have
something in writing.<p>Furthermore, I will leave word at the front desk you are not allowed access
to apartment ***, as you are obviously psychologically unstable, and to call
the police if found on the premises.<p>I will send you backup via certified mail as well, for your own personal
records.<p>I too am sorry its come to this. Please seek psychological help for the benefit of everyone involved.
<p>You know, it's great to read all this BS and not be affected by his words anymore. I see them for what they really are now, "munipulating words".<p>BTW, he had months to go through his personal possessions and take what he wants, it was in the temporary documents that his own attorney composed and he initialed that he would have two more weeks to go into the home and get anything he needed out. I tell him always whatever he wants I will give it to him immediately, but he says he doesn't want anything right now.<p>I think he is trying to munipulate the situation to make me look like I'm losing it or something, it is not working with me though. I also think he is probably going into a panic mode over all this, so far he's told me the reason he was there is "Waiting on you." "I thought I had my garage door opener and needed a tool." and the latest, "I was at the side of the house inspecting the water system." <p>I feel kind of sorry for him right now. <p>There is no need to respond to these emails anymore I am going to let my attorney handle the matter.<p>ANNA<p>[ January 19, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

I think you have my x as your stbx.<p>Talk about being a legend in his own mind. I bet this man is like my x in that he thinks his personal issues are all copies of the magazines to which he subscribes.<p>First thing I did when x moved out was to change some locks and the code to the garage door opener. And, believe it or not, he fussed.

Cinderella, <p>I believe it. So did mine.<p>He also got upset about me changing the utilities to my name. Check out this email he sent me last weekend.<p>(Just some background first, our light company messed up on our bill and is now back charging us for months of service) Here's the email...

This is none of my business so feel free to ignore me. If you changed the electric service to your name
and misrepresented yourself as already being divorced you could be liable for fraud by HL&P. In a
community property state, I can’t see HL&P opening two accounts for one couple when we back payments are due. I just don’t want to see you getting sued or disconnected due to an honest mistake.
Please ask your lawyer if in doubt. I’m not writing because I want to prosecute you. I just don’t want
you getting into trouble. Thanks.<p>That one was a weird email. I have never told anyone I was divorced, I just told them to change the bill in my name....sheesh! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He asked me over the phone, "What makes you think you can change these bills? You can't do this" I said, "Because I live here, if the utilities get shut off for nonpayment, I have to sit with no electricity." Sheesh!<p>Anyway, your spouse and mine may be long lost twins.<p>BTW, Cinderella, IT'S SATURDAY! Cool to see you on line. What's up girl?<p>ANNA<p>[ January 19, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

This is just getting out of hand...<p>My son tried to call his dad today, he said, "Dad just hung up on me." I said, "I'll email him and tell him you are trying to call."<p>I said, "**** is trying to call you, he says you hung up on him."<p>Here's his response back....

You're insensitive, vindictive, and delusional in my opinion.<p>You are mistaken or lying once again. I never hung up on *****, I was on the other line when your phone beeped as an incoming message. I guess you better call the police (just kidding). I'm sure you can come up with some delusion or lie to justify it.<p>My cell phone is dead and I'm going to the store. Have **** email me. If you refuse to let him use the computer I built I will be in touch with my attorney on Monday to reopen custody issues. By the way, you just reminded me I need to get a reduction in child support to reflect my unemployment check.
<p>Again I am not responding to this email either...<p>ANNA<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

Wow,<p>I TOLD you he would email back, Anna! It is all about power. This man is grappling for some kind (ANY kind)of hold over you in any way he can, and trying to make you out to be the crazy one to boot!<p>Make hard copies of those emails; the references to you being crazy may come in handy one day.<p>Stop writing to him, hon, you are just feeding his over-inflated, delusional ego.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Women, these men are nuts. <p>They all think that the only issues they have are copies of magazines.<p>Anitahitman - I have been hanging out at my new job. Where I will be tied to the telephone by my headset and working as fast as I can to help the unemployed people of Tennessee. It wasn't my first choice for a job but I know I can do this job well because I used to do have this very same position with some of the very same people. This is the job where I got the offer before we really did the interview. Anyway, though it is a big step backwards in my career, it is a step in the right direction. I got creamed by all those years I stayed home with my children. But we'll be ok - if we can make it for 4 weeks without a paycheck - with only the child support.

anna , I am sorry that you are going thru this, but you seem like a very intelligent woman. YOu seem to be handling things in a thorough manner. YOur posts have stressed the importance of changing the locks in my house. My husband has just starting coming in and walking around the house, looking for things. I also have temporary "custody " of the home, due to a domestic violence incident. My stbx also repeatedly tells me that i need pychological help and am losing my mind. If we continue to put any stock in what they say to us, we will lose our minds. I have started telling myself that nothing that comes out of my stbx mouth is truth. Im sorry that your son is being used in this way by your ex. I will keep you in my prayers. Hang tough and stay firm...<p>Rosita

Ladies - <p>In case you are unaware of it - threats, and comments about your mental health are considered to be ABUSE in most states - better keep a paper trail and start reporting it. <p>Do NOT let these guys get away with this kind of emotional abuse - that's the reason we have such lenient laws on emotional abuse - not enough people take it seriously.<p>Thought I'd let you know. <p>Make it a great day!!!<p>Jan

Rosita, Shoick, Cinderella, Mylife, Nina, and all,<p>Yes these men are just nuts.<p>He calls me a lyar and tells me I can't be trusted when...<p>He's the one caught in my back yard, he's the one who made up three stories why is was in my yard...and he then he tells me he never entered the back yard...oh yea... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He's full of crap.<p>ANNA

Jan didn't see your post. Good point!<p>ANNA

Good Lord, Anna & cinderella ... I was married to him too!!!<p>My saga continues. I think X is actually allowing the land we own jointly to go into forfeiture so I lose my 50% ... never mind that he also loses his ... but anything to try and hurt me ... these men are certifiable.