I am going to be divorced soon, there is no way it is ever going to be. <p>I am having problems meeting people, (my X seems to have no problem) <p>I am lonely and tired of having nothing to do, on the weekends,when I don't have my kids. <p>For the past fourteen years he has always chosen the people to be friends with and now for the past two years I have had no one --friend or lover **My best friend moved to Geogia a year ago to divorce her husband, I have family but they are too busy.<p> I have gone out to places by my-self, with people from work and hang out at Barnes and Nobles occasionally.<p> I am a friendly and attractive person and have a lot to offer, but everyone seems to ignore me-- I feel cursed or something.<p>I feel like shouting Please be my friend ! It's very frustrating.<p> Does that make sense to anyone?<p> I really just what to make a new life with new friends and companions to have fun with, but I am have an extremly difficult time do so !<p>Help ! Any suggestions ?<p>Kimberly [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Kimberly,<p>First of all....<p>"I Put myself through school have a great job now."<p>WOW! What an accomplishment! You should be VERY, VERY proud of yourself!<p>Do you have any hobbies that you put on the back burner during your marriage and never picked back up or an interest you've not dipped your toes into because you never had the time?<p>How old are your children? Do they have activities that bring you in contact with other adults?<p>I discovered the more I worked on myself the more I paid attention to activities that fullfilled me, people found me an interesting person to be around or at least I exposed myself to people with common interests.<p>Don't forget to learn enjoy your time alone! With three children and a 14 year marriage you probably haven't had alot of time with YOU. You know, the long hot bubble baths with candles glowing around you, reading books, things you can't do when the house is bustling with noise. This is uncharted territory for you and it can be scarey because you've never had this kind of time on your hands before. I do believe it takes time to get to know yourself again especially after such a life altering event as divorce.<p>Make a list of "to do's" or "to try" for Kimberly!<p>Girl if you can put yourself through school you can make new friends! Become your own best friend first!<p>Best of luck!<p>Gayle

I do have many interests, and have done all the get back to me stuff, I know me very well infact all I have had is me in our marriage, he was never there for me, I enjoy being and doing things alone, but I want to have someone(s) to share my interest with at least sometimes. I have my children and we spend alot of time togeather, but I want someone for me. <p>ya know ?<p>Thanks
Kimberly

Good healthy places to meet people are at church -join one or more of the community activity groups that your church offers. <p>Also, to find women friends take a class in an activity that you find interesting like scrapbooking, crafts, cooking, sewing. Some of these are offered free or for a small fee at shops that sell these products, and sometimes the local library offers classes.<p>Another source is taking your kids regularly to the library for story time and other regular activities there. You start to see the same moms. Or if there is an activity at the local museums or something - check the local community pages to find out what's going on.<p>Or if there are activities that your kids are involved in you start meeting the parents from their classes at B-day parties, and other school functions.<p>Just a few suggestions that I've come up with. I'll be using them myself pretty soon. K

Hi Kimberly -<p>I know what you mean. I want someone to share things with too. I moved from the mountains to a new town this Fall. I've made some women friends through bible study and through kids activities, but I haven't even SEEN a single man my age, much less met one. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] My kids are young - 4, 2, and 8 months. The ex H doesn't take the baby on his weekends, so I'm never without all of them. But even if I was, I'm not sure what I would do differently. I turned 32 on Friday, so I'm not about to hang out at the college bars, and that really isn't where I'd like to meet someone. Everyone at church is happily married with kids, and I just get a bit bitter seeing all those families together sometimes. I go to aerobics, but again, all women, and no one really my age. I think singles groups would be full of losers, [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] and I stay home with my kids, so have no potential to meet anyone at work. I am considering working on my Master's, as the divorce arrangement states I will go back to work when my youngest is 5, so maybe that will be a place to meet people? <p>Anyway, just wanted to tell you I think I know how you are feeling, and I have to admit I think things look a bit grim for me on the romance front. People tell me I am attractive and fun and "a great catch for someone" but I don't feel that way after being rejected and cheated on by my ex H.

I appreciate all your suggestions, I just think I would handle knowing he has someone, if i did--but I am not sure if I am ready,at times I think I am, but when I see whats out there as far as men are concerned, I can't even waste my time on them plus the fact that my view on men (sorry guys) is very untrusting. I want to skip all the **** and get to the good part where we live happily ever after,I don't want to deal with the whole dating scene, which doesn't give me much hope. It is really is frustrating. <p>I never wanted to be here !

Hi Kim, I now its kind of strange "being single". But on the other hand it sounds like it was worse being married. Give yourself a chance it will take time but you are still young. You have a whole life time a head of you. You will find happiness, but when you least expect it. It always comes when your not looking. Start thinking positive with a smile on your face and others will start to see the difference. "Give yourself a chance and don't expect so much give it a chance to happen for you. And by the way when you start dating have fun. You will be meeting a lot of guys and they all want one thing "You". So be picky. You have a lot to offer. AdamS

Hey everyone thanks for the advice <p>Here's another ?<p>I am having a very hard time with this and I don't know what to do with all the pain anymore, my soon to be X has told me all during our marriage that he didn't like to go and refused to go most of the places I wanted to go- I ask and begged him to take me and if we did end up going he would be miserable the whole time.<p> Now I find out that he is doing all the things he refused to do with me with the OW and it is killing me, I asked him why he couldn't do them with me and he doesn't have an answer. I just want to understand why/how a man who says he loves you can ignore and neglect you so bad saying it was his selfishness,making it impossible to stay in the marriage and turn around and treat another women the way you were begging to me treated. <p>I know we can never be togeather, but the pain/hurt seems to be getting worse not better.<p>Where do you put it ?
Kimberly

Hi Kimberly10!!!!
I am 42 yrs old and my husband left 6 months ago and he is living with the OW (who moved 1200 miles to be with him)....anyway...I too wonder about where I will meet someone and when...everyone says that I will.... in time....and I am not in a hurry...but the dating scene scares me. I do not want to go to a bar to meet someone....and to be honest I would love to just erase the past six months and have my H come back home. I do firmly believe with all my heart that if there was no OW (tramp), he would be home with me and our two wonderful kids.
I have lost about 27 lbs. and I have gone back to school. The class is great...although I could be a Mom to every single kid in the room!!! I don't think I will meet someone at school! I am trying to have a positive attitude and I think that I will probably will meet someone. I know I deserve to! <p>Good luck to you!
Max [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Boy do I know how you feel Kimberly. Not so much about jumping right to the happily ever after part, as I am not divorced yet. But it is getting closer as well. <p> The feeling of wanting to Love someone and Be loved by someone is certainly growing stronger each day that I live with this A crap. <p> I, too, have very few friends and none outside of work and on these boards. See, I made my family my best friends. Refused any and all invitations to go do things with work friends in order to be the perfect freind to my wife and children. HAH! What a joke that was. Too bad the joke was on me.<p> At any rate, people get tired of asking a person to go do 'things' with them. So I lost out on many would be friends. <p> Now I am pretty much alone in my troubles. <p> We, all of us here, have much to offer to others as friends. We simply need to let down our guard and get out there. <p> Hang in there and don't beat yourself up. You give away some of your power to STBX if you do that. Don't lament what you don't have, go get it [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p> jd

Hey kimberly <p>I Am new to this area as well. I have my daughter who is 17 and just broke up with a boyfreind. (good Move) Her seeing the situation with me (wife left)I think made her think about the future. But I always try to find the good parts (pos attitude).We had a chance for some Quality talks and decided you need have a smile in order to attract smiles.So ya Hang tough [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I thought I was the only person who felt this way, I wondered where I would meet people and if I could ever get a date. I was never very good at making friends or getting dates. It was me not willing to take the risk of being rejected. Oneday I realized others felt the same and they to did not want to feel rejection. I started taking small risk realizing I might get some rejection, but I knew it would not hurt as bad as what I have been going through to my surprise, I started slowly making new friends and meeting some ladies, the ones I went out with I kept in mind that if nothing else I would make a new friend it has worked for me. As for places to meet people that was scary since I didn't do bars, but I found my grandson to be valuable, he had ball games and karate the were alot of single parents there and grandparents who needed friends also, once I started taking the risk of just talking to people I realized I could meet people anywhere I wanted.

Hi Kimberly_<p>I don't have much advice. I am in the same situation as you. As I look back at my marriage I realize he hadn't been there for me in ages if ever. Now he is with the OW and he is doing all the stuff I begged him to do as well. To make matters worse he does stuff with our kids that he never used to do and he usually only does them when she is around, otherwise the kids complain that he is quite boring. My STBX has always focused on himself so of course my rational mind tells me that he is only trying to win her overand that this not last, but I admit at times even rationalizing doesn't help the pain.<p>I honestly don't think I miss my STBX as I miss the feeling of being part of a couple. I would like someone of the opposite sex to do things with.Then comes the dating scenario. I will be divorced in 3 weeks. I am ready to meet someone, but where do you find them. I feel exactly like you. I have had a couple of offers, but they weren't right for various reasons. My friends tell me it will happen when I least expect it, but that is easy for them to say, they are all married. <p>
All I can say is best of luck. If you find any great answers to this question please make sure to post the results.<p>Take care,
K (stands for Kim, another thing we have in common!)

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Kimberly10:
<strong>I just think I would handle knowing he has someone, if i did--but I am not sure if I am ready,</strong><hr></blockquote><p>(((Kimberly)))<p>1st off let me tell you that it does get better as you find happiness within yourself. I've been alone since May and in the past 3 months I've watched as my X has went through 2 relationships and working on her 3rd. <p>My first reaction was to go out and get me a woman but I quickly through that by the side realizing that wasn't what I needed. There is no need for me to compete with her and quite frankly I've invested most of my time in helping my daughters heal. Plus I did find some people, mainly woman, to be "friends" with.<p>I feel that I'm an successful attractive 30yo male who has a lot to offer the right woman. Like you my apprehention lies in the "dating" scene, so what are we to do?<p>Well I've chosen to be rather passive in this area. Sure I long for romance but for the time being I have replaced that desire with the satisfaction of healthy friendships. I've went out a couple of times and really had some fun times.<p>I'm really just rambling here with no real words of advice. Just wanted you to know that there are men who feel the same way you do.<p>Best of luck,

Thanks -it is good to hear that I am not alone, although I'd rather hear that no ones has to go through this mess,but that's life "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger" so I have heard anyway. I am trying to be strong for my girls and I think I am doing a good job, we start family counceling in February,to help the healing process. <p>Best of luck to you !
Kimberly