Everyone, <p>I do not know what happened here, but I do know that the hateful, spiteful, vicious part of my H is back and just ripping me to shreds. He came home from his last trip, and ever since then I have not even been able to get my feet back under me, and I don't even understand what happened or why. All I do know is that I was starting to feel love feelings for him and I was starting to finally be happy after TWO YEARS of patiently waiting and Plan A-ing and learning about anger and helping him get into counseling--and now this!<p>I am so hurt and stunned I can barely function. He has said stuff to me that would probably kill most of you, like he never, ever did love me; it has just been a lie all along; he doesn't care about what he's doing to me; he's wishes I would go away and leave him alone; he's canceling the MB Weekend; he's never going to counseling again because there's not point; there's nothing wrong with him--I am the one who has mental problems; I am to blame for EVERYTHING! <p>If I try to explain, I am saying everything is worse for me. If I leave the room and leave him alone, I don't care. If I type HERE on MB, I am obsessed and addicted. If I go to my own job rather than staying home and working with him, I don't love him. The house is TRASHED because I don't keep it clean. On and on and on...there's NOTHING I can do right; he doesn't appreciate what I do do; he is very, VERY angry about something and blaming it all on me.<p>My heart is crushed. I can't think or walk or sleep. I started to love this man! He has cheated on me, verbally abused me viciously for years, and just when I started to think we had finally turned the corner and might really recover, due to his personal counseling, he rips into me like this like razors. <p>I don't think I'm gonna make it, and he doesn't let me on the internet very often, but BOY, I sure need some hugs, advice, and prayers. <p>CJ

Oh CJ,<p>I got your email and responded there, as well... I have no idea which, if either, you'll see, considering your H's being threatened by the internet... <p>Well, first things first:<p>((((((((((CJ))))))))))<p>When you began seeing changes in H, I was so happy for you -- but inside myself I was cautious, because changes like the ones you were seeing are so often fleeting. I so wanted to believe that he was the exception to the rule! However, my worst fears (and yours) have been realized, and this man has proven that he is indeed an abuser who needs professional help -- far beyond what he has received thus far.<p>CJ, I have never told you to just quit, but I'm going to this time - FOR YOUR SANITY and YOUR HEALTH. PLEASE do not allow this man to ABUSE you any longer!!<p>I am very, very sorry for your continued pain. I know you've read and researched a lot about personal growth and abuse... Your H's changes were temporary, as they often are... YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS!!!<p>CJ - YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS - Please hear what I'm saying. Go to the mirror and say it to yourself. Look into your eyes and SAY IT - "I am worth more than this"...<p>Honey, I'm praying for you... and I love you...<p>Sheryl

CJ<p>Sending lots of hugs your way.<p>Not sure what is happening CJ, but you need to set some boundaries and not let him take this anger out on you. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You can't make him stop, but you can stop allowing yourself to be there for it.<p>Take care of yourself. <p>Jan

CJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ!!!!!!!!!!<p>I am extremely sorry for your pain and hurting. You are a wonderful woman and we all care for you very much. That may not help now, I know, but I hope it does something for you.<p>I feel helpless. You are in terrible pain and no one can do ANYthing for you from a distance. I want to hug you a big BEAR hug ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((CJ)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))).<p>CJ.....email me if you can I really want to hear from you!<p>All my best,
vb_guy<p>[ January 22, 2002: Message edited by: vb_guy ]</p>

((((((((((CJ))))))))))<p>Darlin', Darlin', Darlin',..<p>I also thought (as NB posted) things were getting better, but remain cautiously observent.<p>I wish there was a way for me to be able to take the pain away, but I can't. I can only offer moral support.<p>Sweatie, YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH THIS, SOMEHOW, NOW!!!.<p>I believe it was you that told me something along the lines of, When the pain of change is less than the pain of staying, you'll go with the change. <p>In the time(what seems years)I've been on this board I've come to trust your wisdom and advice. I now ask that you heed your on advice. <p>Right now I think you need some time to yourself to think about the things that have been going on for many months now. You and I both know this type of actions on his part has happened before and rather you choice to belive it or not THEY WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.. You H has a problem, He refuses to admit it, and by proxy you have a problem (here agian) in that HE REFUSES TO ADMIT IT.. The bottom line is that YOU have a(the) problem.<p>My dad said to me once a long time ago "That you can't keep a [censored] dog from chasing [censored]." I remember when I was in the Navy and thier policies on the the use of force to get acomplished you you need acomplished and that was, "Use the degree of force necessary to get the job done, no more no less" And probably the most import advice was/is, "To thine own self be true."<p>Your H has alot of pent up frustration and dosn't know how to channel it into a productive situation to benifit anybody least of all himself. You know this, your C knows this. The problem is your H doesn't know it or refuses to even try to see it. He may never have been tought how.. He never learned it from his parents, he never learned it from his friends, and he doesn't have the trust in his wife (you) to learn.. Which in my humble opinion is were your relationship w/ your H is the most hurtful. With the love and trust of a working relationship ALL things are possible. However he refuses to see the light, hear the wonderful sound, much less revel in the pure joy that a warm confortable place called a marriage can be. <p>My advice: Next time he goes out on a trip. 1.) Retain a lawyer. If for anything else for the piece of mind it will bring. 2nd.) Start documenting what has been happening, for the courts if nessesary. 3rd.) Start preparing yourself for a change. ergo, Either he changes or the nature of the relationship WILL change. <p>I'm here if you need me. <p>Tex. <p>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi CJ,<p>Just thought I would chime in and tell you I am sorry that this is happening. You have received good advice. Heed it.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

Taking a risk, I will respond to say,
{{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}
there are alot of people who care, even if only in cyberspace. . . . and yes, you are one of the good ones. . . . a wise person whose devotion to marriage exceeds most of us mortals. . . I posted this on the EN board, but it applies here to long term problematic relationships, and I only post this quote for you to sit and think. I have another long quote, not posted yet, from the book,
"if the Buddha married." I recommend the book.<p>The following quote came from a book i bought about building stock market timing models, titled "Being Right or Making Money" by Ned Davis of Florida. It's a funny place to find such a poignant quote, and the bold and italics are directly from the book, so here goes:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><p> MAKING OUR OWN REALITY <p>Looking further, I have become fascinated over the years with the concept that we all "create our own realities". This is a difficult concept to grasp so I will try to explain it and give a few examples.<p>An important truth I feel I've learned over the years is that people will view reality according to the way they want to perceive it or believe it should be. This was beautifully illustrated to me during a human relations class I was taking. I read where a long-time warden from New York's Sing-Sing prison said, "few of the criminals in Sing Sing regard themselves as bad men. They are just as human as you and I. So they rationalize, they explain. . . . Many of them attempt by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical, to justify their anti-social acts even to themselves. . . the desperate men and women behind prison walls don't blame themselves for anything." Rationalization is a powerful coping mechanism. <p>Another good example is people who seemingly have to gamble. Despite the fact that casinos make hundreds of millions of dollars every year, I've almost never met a gambler who claimed to have been a loser. They will look you straight in the eye when they tell you that. It is my belief that the pain of losing is so great that they actually forget the losses. Denial is a powerful defense mechanism. <p>Yet another illustration - In listening to the sexual harassment testimony given during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearing, I found that it was impossible for me to discern who was telling the truth and who was lying, but clearly I believed that one of them had to be lying. That is, until I heard a wise psychiatrist say that she thought both of them were telling the truth. At least it was the truth as far as each of them saw it. Illusion or delusion is a powerful psychological force. <p>. . . . <p> A person's mind can sometimes get badly twisted under intense emotional pressure. <p>. . . . <p>So the bottom line is that people often create their own realities, based upon things that may have happened to them as far back as the very early years of life. We are all subject to that condition. We are human. This means what feels right and easy and obvious in your gut is quite often wrong.<p><hr></blockquote><p>Until each can begin to share the same reality, there is no ground to begin reconciliation. . .. and if the situation cannot be resolved together, the situation can only be resolved apart. . . .<p>WIFTTy<p>[ January 22, 2002: Message edited by: WhenIfindthetime ]</p>

((((((((((((((CJ)))))))))))))))))))))<p>Oh I am so sorry for this latest development. Please know that we all love you and care for you.<p>I have sent you an email, and I am around all day, should you wish to IM me.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Dear Faithful-<p>I am so sorry for what you are going through. I like so many was hoping he was changing. I think you need to take some time and take care of you. You have done so much, much more than most of us, but he is in denial and he is hurting you so deeply. <p>Like someone else has already said, you can't stop him from doing and saying things, but you can control if and how you put up with them. It is time to protect yourself. I know you are hurting, but you are an amazing woman who will get through this. We are with you every step of the way.<p>Take care and God bless!<p>K

Well, unfortunately the saga continues. <p>Yesterday was also a day where he got up at 5am to do some work, and he ended up working almost all night. However, thanks to my C, I was able to stand up for myself a lot better. We got home about the same time and headed upstairs to change into "comfy clothes." While he was changing, I threw a little chocolate at him: the shape of kissey lips wrapped in red foil. Then we talked a little about the night and what the C had said and stuff. It was a good talk, and that&#8217;s when I said "I would like it if you would put down your work and spend time with me, but I&#8217;m not going to beg for your time. If you want to spend time with me, you will, and if you don&#8217;t, you won&#8217;t. But if you don&#8217;t I will carry on with my own thing." I was very proud of myself for that. Good for me!! <p>After that, we had dinner together and I gave him a little stuffed dog (very little, but I thought it was cute) that I had picked up for him during the day. Then we watched Enterprise together. There was an interesting situation in that show in which the Doctor of the ship disagreed with the Captain about an ethical dilemma: whether to provide "a cure" to a race that seemed to be undergoing a genetic change, not an illness. He explained his side to the Captain, and basically did his best to present the facts and figures supporting his reasoning, but then he did something cool&#8230;he allowed the Captain to make the decision. He was not sure whether the Captain would decide to go with his judgment or the Captain&#8217;s own judgment, but he gave him the chance to rise to the occasion and be a better person. He also took the risk that the Captain might choose to go with his own judgment (which would have been a mistake in the Doctor&#8217;s opinion), but even if he had made the mistake, I think the Doctor would have continued to be loyal and show his support to the Captain. Of course, in the end, the Captain decided to heed the Doctor&#8217;s advice, and the Doctor said (in a personal log) that his respect for the Captain had risen considerably. <p>My H and I talked about the situation on this show, and I told him that I often felt that he did not give me the opportunity to show that I can be a better person. If he were the Doctor and I were the Captain, as Doctor, he would just decide for me and withhold the medicine&#8230;never allowing me the chance to show that I have the moral character to rise to the occasion or do better or learn. Thus, I am continually stuck in the roles of "the past" because in the present I never get the chance to do anything differently. Anyway, we only talked for a brief second, but it was a good illustration and the talk went okay (I think).<p>After Enterprise, my show comes on &#8230; West Wing. My H stayed and sat with me and watched it for about half an hour, just to hold my hand (isn&#8217;t that nice??), and then part way through the show, he returned to his work while I finished watching the show. I thought it was VERY thoughtful of him to spend this time with me, and I told him so several times, and told him how much I enjoyed holding his hand, and told him how happy I felt having him there. So, I think I did a pretty good&#8212;I&#8217;m happy with my efforts, anyway. So far, so good, right?<p>Well, after my show was done, I went into the home office with him and he barely raised his head. At one point, he looked quite haggard and tired, so I said, "Honey, I know it&#8217;s early, but let&#8217;s just turn off our computers tonight and go to bed. I know you have things to do and I have things to do, but we have both been through an exhausting week, physically and emotionally. Let&#8217;s put it down and pick it up tomorrow." He declined, saying he had no time in the next two days to finish this work that he HAD to get done, and so he sat back down at his computer and proceeded with his work. This was a little bit of a wound to the heart. Since he was busy, I sat down at my computer and started to respond to emails and MB and just everyone. As you might imagine, there are several people who were concerned and wanted to know if I was okay. I considered working on my emails as "doing my own thing" since he was doing his work and not communicating or connecting with me in any way, and to be honest, I had a fine time writing to folks and it helped me to think out a few things, etc. So for the next two and a half hours, I felt like we were in the same room, but separate and each one doing "our own thing." Suddenly, at 11:30pm, he says, "How long &#8216;til you&#8217;re done? I&#8217;m shutting down and going to bed" and I replied that it would only be a minute or two, because I&#8217;m going to finish this last email I was writing. Well, he stood over my shoulder and started reading the email, and I said, "If you want me to, I&#8217;ll just CC you", and he said "No" but continued to read. Finally, he went off to bed and I finished my last email. <p>Now, here are the additional circumstances: the last email of the night was to a person who happens to be a guy&#8230;and like with all my male email pals, I have gone to GREAT LENGTHS to be sure that it is only a friendship. We have agreed to each guard against emotional attachment, and we are each responsible to set up whatever boundaries we need to set in order to protect ourselves and keep it that way. In addition, I have not made any effort to prevent my H from looking at my emails or tried to hide them from him or anything like that, because I really believe in total honesty. I have nothing to hide and no secrets to keep, so I don&#8217;t mind if he looks at them as long as he just lets me know that he intends to do so. On occasion, if there&#8217;s a good portion in an email I receive, I&#8217;ll copy it and send it to him and see what he thinks about it&#8230;stuff like that. Furthermore, although not every word in my emails or MB posts is complimentary, I do not try to hide them from him either, because I think he deserves to know the truth, even if the truth is not pretty or is painful. (Just an aside note, he does not extend this courtesy to me. He hides the truth from me on a regular basis&#8230;will not tell me what he REALLY thinks and feels&#8230;and then blames me because he is afraid to open up.) So, when I was done sending my email to my friend, I copied the parts that I thought he was "concerned" about and sent them to him&#8212;I didn&#8217;t send the generic greeting or the conclusion, because they were irrelevant, but I sent him most of the "body" of the email, because it involved him.<p>Well, back to our story. After I finished the email to this friend, I took a minute and wrote a little note in a card that I had gotten for him during the day&#8212;a congratulations card for doing a good job. I came to bed and gave my H the card, and he was just as cold as ice. He did not reach out for me or roll over to hug me or kiss me goodnight or anything. So, I told him, "I feel like you don&#8217;t even WANT to connect to me." His response: "Okay." After we had lain there for about half an hour and started to snooze off, I said, "Are you falling asleep?" His response: "Yes." Another wound to the heart. So, I said, "I wish you would roll over and snuggle behind me or something. I&#8217;ve been trying to connect to you all night." (Remember? I threw kissey lips at him&#8230;a stuffed doggy&#8230;compliments while he took the time to sit with me for a little while&#8230;asked if he wanted to put work down and go to bed&#8230; And each time, he turned me down. Okay. I realize now that I&#8217;m still trying to "earn" his love, but I didn&#8217;t see that until this morning, so give me a little tiny break [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ). Finally, I just said, "I feel like you are punishing me" and he said, "What for?" and I replied, "Whatever it is that you&#8217;re mad about&#8212;you&#8217;re punishing me for it"--to which, he replied, "Yep, I am" but then proceeded to roll over and snuggle behind me. What did that mean???????<p>This morning, we woke up a little late, so I just pretty much threw on clothes and wanted to get out the door, but he was still being standoffish. Apparently he had read the email that I sent to him, in an effort to soothe him and settle his concerns, and he was&#8230;well frankly angry. He said, very spitefully, "What meeting are you talking about on Friday? I have counseling first and the meeting is at the same time as the anger group. You make it sound like I&#8217;m going to blow off counseling. You always make me sound bad." Another wound to the heart. Well, I said that in my opinion the counseling is VITALLY important (it ends at noon and this BIG meeting is at 12:30 across town). I think the anger management class is also very helpful to him because it gives him the chance to learn strategies how to deal with his anger, and the chance to see he&#8217;s not the only man with an anger problem, and the chance to be sort of accountable to the group of men, BUT, in this instance, the BIG meeting is very important. Since it is SO big, though, and since it was right after counseling and across town, I was concerned that he would also try to blow off counseling "because he wasn&#8217;t ready for the big meeting." I told him that Friday was going to be a very telltale day to me about what (and who) is and is not important to him. Then he started right in AGAIN on punishing me and blaming me and making his little underhanded, under-his-breath remarks. I just told him, "No. I do not accept this. It is not my job to take care of your feelings&#8212;that&#8217;s your job. When you want to talk respectfully, I&#8217;ll talk to you." Of course, then he replied, "Fine&#8230;I&#8217;ll be gone by the time you get home." This time&#8230; a dagger to the heart.<p>Later this morning at work, he called me on the phone and said, "I feel unimportant and I like my concerns don&#8217;t matter to you." Well, that&#8217;s reasonable, so I told him that I understood how he could feel that way and that I did not want him to feel unimportant to me. I told him I could understand why he would feel bad that I didn&#8217;t just stop everything and come right to bed with him, and that if I knew what to do, I would definitely do it. BUT, I also reminded him that I had several attempts during the night to connect with him, and he had turned me down&#8212;I was hoping he would recognize that I HAD indeed reached out several times and just not responded so well on the last event of the night. Well, of course, I was being defensive&#8230;argumentative&#8230;uncaring&#8230;you name it. Another wound to the heart. <p>Then he jumped in with, "I have a HUGE problem with (this guy) and I think you&#8217;re having an affair and I want you to stop writing to him." Well, this whole week, my H has been giving me HUGE pressure to come back to work at home with him (even though he does not recognize my value or appreciate the work that I do), to leave all the people at work who support me and see my value, to stop emailing everyone, to stop writing on MB&#8230;it&#8217;s like he is trying to isolate me and keep me from all the people who tell me I am lovable and valuable and wanted!! So, very calmly, I suggested that maybe he could speak to his C about what is and is not an appropriate friendship and how being friends with other people is not wrong&#8230;you know, that kind of thing. He said, "You&#8217;re just having an emotional affair and justifying your actions with this friendship crap. You&#8217;ll do anything to continue having your affair." Yet another wound to the heart. Then he continued with, "How about if I just get a girlfriend and start writing her long, emotional letters. She would find my work and my customers interesting." Yet another HUGE dagger to the heart. So, that&#8217;s when I had had it. I said, "You know, (hubby), I want YOU. I want to spend time with you and talk to you about your interests and customers and stuff. I want to meet your needs, IF YOU WOULD ONLY TELL ME WHAT THEY ARE! And you know what? I want YOU to be the one to meet my needs and talk to me about the topics that interest me and enjoy spending time with me. I want YOU, not them. But I am NOT going to be cut off from all the people who tell me I&#8217;m lovable and valuable when you are unwilling to fill the gap and take the time to show me that I&#8217;m lovable and valuable to you. I&#8217;m willing to fill the gap for you, if you would let me, but you won&#8217;t let me."<p>Then he says, "Well, I spent time with you last night watching Enterprise and West Wing, but enough is never enough for you. You are never satisfied and you are never happy." To this, I replied, "I am not the one who is upset about last night. I do indeed WISH that you would have put work down and sat adoringly at my feet&#8212;I could soak that in for a little while. But, you didn&#8217;t and I did my own thing and had quite a fine time and was perfectly happy. This is part of the new stuff I am trying to learn with my C, but I AM able to be happy, and I AM able to be satisfied. And BTW, what if I HAD actually wished that you spent more time with me? I am allowed to say how I really feel and ask for what I really want. You are forcing me to take it the way YOU want it or the way YOU want to give it, and if that&#8217;s not my way, you&#8217;re punishing me." <p>I don&#8217;t know, guys. He is walling off more and more and more and blaming it on me. I am doing my best to keep my focus on doing what is right for me and being the person I want to be, but I feel like I&#8217;m all alone&#8212;cut off because I&#8217;m not doing it "his way" and "fixing his feelings." I want him and I wish that he wanted me, but I just don&#8217;t see that. <p>Any thoughts? <p>
CJ

yup,<p>double your counseling sessions. . .<p>arguing your case doesn't seem to work,<p> and don't start an opening set with a serve of I feel that you . . . . that is total projection, and will get a volley to the heart pretty quickly. . . <p>its not a feeling of yours, never will be. . . .<p>if you want to state a feeling to him, do it right:<p>I feel ____________ when ______________<p>you need a good linesman if you can't call the lines yourself. . .<p>sg<p>sg

((((((((((((((((CJ)))))))))))))))<p>Just know your in my thoughts. Sorry so short, after my week away I'm getting ready to go pick up my babies.........<p>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

At long last, I am here for a visit. I hope you have gotten my e-mails. Call me sometime, my telephone number has not changed.<p>I love you and it pains me to see you hurt so.<p>CJ - what are you gaining by staying in this marriage? <p>Are you gaining the respect of your children for putting up with Mark's treatment of you? Are you gaining mental health? Are you gaining happiness? Are you gaining financial security? Just what is this treatment doing for you - in a positive sense.<p>I know it's hard to throw in the towel. Trust me. I held onto the towel just as long as I could. When my therapist heard me tell him my heartbeat was becoming erratic even when I was still on the couch watching my favorite television shows, he told me, for the millionth time, I think it is time to throw in the towel. When the dr. said the EKG didn't show up anything and it must be stress, he sort of took the towel out of my hand.<p>DON'T LET IT COME TO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!<p>Whatever you do, take care of yourself. One day I should make you a medal for perserverance beyond the call of duty. Or, perhaps, I should bring my castiron skillet or 5-pound rolling pen to Colorado and knock some sense into your head.<p>How much longer can you take it.<p>By the way, you are in my prayers. That you will be safe, that your heart will be protected, that you will be guided by God, and that you will take care of yourself.<p>How many rescue boats have to be sent to you?<p>Sorry, but I don't know if I should cintinue to applaud your efforts to stay. It seems like I am encouraging you to get emotionally beaten up time after time after time. After all, I did get attorney referrals from my minister after he had talked to my x. There is only so much a person can take. <p>And now a quote from Kenny Rogers: "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run."<p>((((((((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))))))

Hello Faithful!<p>When is the MB weekend you signed up for? Has H already cancelled it?<p>Maybe he's not consciously sabotaging your chances, but he's screwing up.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by FaithfulWife:
<strong>Everyone, <p>I do not know what happened here, but I do know that the hateful, spiteful, vicious part of my H is back and just ripping me to shreds. He came home from his last trip, and ever since then I have not even been able to get my feet back under me, and I don't even understand what happened or why. All I do know is that I was starting to feel love feelings for him and I was starting to finally be happy after TWO YEARS of patiently waiting and Plan A-ing and learning about anger and helping him get into counseling--and now this!<p>I am so hurt and stunned I can barely function. He has said stuff to me that would probably kill most of you, like he never, ever did love me; it has just been a lie all along; he doesn't care about what he's doing to me; he's wishes I would go away and leave him alone; he's canceling the MB Weekend; he's never going to counseling again because there's not point; there's nothing wrong with him--I am the one who has mental problems; I am to blame for EVERYTHING! <p>If I try to explain, I am saying everything is worse for me. If I leave the room and leave him alone, I don't care. If I type HERE on MB, I am obsessed and addicted. If I go to my own job rather than staying home and working with him, I don't love him. The house is TRASHED because I don't keep it clean. On and on and on...there's NOTHING I can do right; he doesn't appreciate what I do do; he is very, VERY angry about something and blaming it all on me.<p>My heart is crushed. I can't think or walk or sleep. I started to love this man! He has cheated on me, verbally abused me viciously for years, and just when I started to think we had finally turned the corner and might really recover, due to his personal counseling, he rips into me like this like razors. <p>I don't think I'm gonna make it, and he doesn't let me on the internet very often, but BOY, I sure need some hugs, advice, and prayers. <p>CJ</strong><hr></blockquote>

I will definatly be praying for you and the healing of your marriage, your husband can be changed, it depends on him. You can pray and love him but the rest has to come from him. Know that you are loved and prayed for.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by FaithfulWife:
<strong>Everyone, <p>I do not know what happened here, but I do know that the hateful, spiteful, vicious part of my H is back and just ripping me to shreds. He came home from his last trip, and ever since then I have not even been able to get my feet back under me, and I don't even understand what happened or why. All I do know is that I was starting to feel love feelings for him and I was starting to finally be happy after TWO YEARS of patiently waiting and Plan A-ing and learning about anger and helping him get into counseling--and now this!<p>I am so hurt and stunned I can barely function. He has said stuff to me that would probably kill most of you, like he never, ever did love me; it has just been a lie all along; he doesn't care about what he's doing to me; he's wishes I would go away and leave him alone; he's canceling the MB Weekend; he's never going to counseling again because there's not point; there's nothing wrong with him--I am the one who has mental problems; I am to blame for EVERYTHING! <p>If I try to explain, I am saying everything is worse for me. If I leave the room and leave him alone, I don't care. If I type HERE on MB, I am obsessed and addicted. If I go to my own job rather than staying home and working with him, I don't love him. The house is TRASHED because I don't keep it clean. On and on and on...there's NOTHING I can do right; he doesn't appreciate what I do do; he is very, VERY angry about something and blaming it all on me.<p>My heart is crushed. I can't think or walk or sleep. I started to love this man! He has cheated on me, verbally abused me viciously for years, and just when I started to think we had finally turned the corner and might really recover, due to his personal counseling, he rips into me like this like razors. <p>I don't think I'm gonna make it, and he doesn't let me on the internet very often, but BOY, I sure need some hugs, advice, and prayers. <p>CJ</strong><hr></blockquote>

I messed up, I don't know how to use this. I want to say that I am praying for you and the restoration of your family. Your husband can change, but he has to want to, you need to pray for him, love him, but most of all protect yourself. It sounds like he was trying and then just quit, he is struggling I believe, but you hav egot to protect yourself as you work through this. I have some thoughts that I would love to share, but I am not sure of your religous background. I am a born again Christian, finding my self in a marital mess also. Prayers to you. If you would like to hear some of my thoughts let me know