I originally posted this in the Emotional Needs forum (because that's where I spend the majority of my time) but felt this was more applicable to this forum. Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated!<p>>>>>>>>>><p>A friend of mine at work is part of a blended family. She came to me seeking some perspective on an issue regarding her 16 year-old stepson and his girlfriend. This girlfriend showed up at 8am this morning expecting to spend all day with the stepson at my friend's home (there was no school today). The husband (the boy's father) doesn't have a problem with his son having his girlfriend over all day in their room with the door shut. My friend (the wife/step-mom) doesn't think this is a very good idea and also doesn't think it sets a good example for her 11 year-old daughter. <p>I searched through the forums here on MarriageBuilders but couldn't find a similar situation. Any suggestions for how to deal with this situation? I told my friend that POJA should be applied, but she's thinks that because the stepson has been allowed to do this for a long time (weeks or months - not sure which), it will be "impossible" to take the privilege of having his girlfriend in his room with the door shut away. <p>Any thoughts, comments and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. <p>Thanks!

Does the stepson have a mother and do the mother and father agree on values and morals? Did she discuss any of this prior to marrying a man and subjecting her child to another person's morals and values? I am on the other side of this. My ex has remarried the OW who is twice divorced. Her values are in the gutter and now my children are in the middle of rules at my house and rules at the new house. Perhaps this is why God does not address re-marriage in the Bible.<p>erigby

Does the girlfriends parents realize she's over
there all day in his room? They might not approve either..<p>But,if her daughter brings it up to her..she can
explain to her..that just because someone does something..doesn't mean it's right..just like just because one person gets mad and kills someone..doesn't mean it's right they did it..and there are consequences..and the consequences these
teens face may not be 'prison' time..but if this girl gets pregnant..it may seem like prison time
if they marry...or if she gets pregnant and aborts the child..thats something they will both have to deal w/ so there are always consequences..<p>and if they break up and this girl ends up w/ a reputation about being easy..those are also consequences..so she can use it as a learning tool for her daughter..<p>but, it is something that she should discuss w/ the father..(and unfortunatley we don't always think to discuss those things BEFORE we marry,
but I guess we who are going through a divorce now
have this to look at and learn from)

Thank you for the replies. Apparently, the parents of this girl don't care what she does - that's why she spends every minute she can with my friend's son at my friend's house. She is a "needy" girlfriend. <p>Thanks again for your insights.

Maybe you can be a mentor for her and take her under your wing..and help her learn the meaning of self-respect? So that she isn't so needy??