<small>[ August 05, 2004, 11:27 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

LauraLee,
Yep I'm almost there. Not quite sure if you'd call it a breakup since we've only been going out for a month. He's a great guy but I'm afraid that we are just not the right fit. <p>I agree with you 100% regarding the long term love thing. At 40 it's kind of a waste of time to just date for the fun of it. Especially since I would like to have a family. <p>Of course it is considered "dating" or "courting" in the beginning from there it moves to the stronger feelings and love if it is the right person. I just hope that it doesn't take forever to find love and a good relationship worth keeping. However, I'd rather be sure than to settle. Been there, done that. <p>I applaud you for being honest. How long did it take you to know that he wasn't the right one? How did he take it when you told him? Can you remain friends?<p>ASM [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 11:28 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 11:28 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

LauraLee,
Your guy and mine sound almost exactly alike in the way we view them. Good men, kind hearts but not the one. <p>And I am just like you in wanting to see what might happen. Do you feel selfish about this? I do in some ways and in others I think that maybe I'm just giving it a chance. <p>My feelings about the relationship not working are a bit more grounded. I want children and I think he is way beyond wanting to start a family.
I want to date, I want a relationship but with just any guy. I too want the "one". <p>When you talk about seeing the "one" do you mean your xh? Sorry to say that my xh was not the one for me either so I'm still waiting. <p>ASM:/

hi. We haven't met before, nice to meet you.

All is not lost ... i met "the one" when i was 16. We were highschool sweethearts, together for 5 years prior to marrying and were soulmates. We knew from the moment we first met and were inseparable. We shared the same views on life, could talk about anything, when i looked into his eyes i could see into his soul etc, etc. 12 years 3 children and several affairs on his side later, we divorced. We grew up at a different rate, family issues from childhood were dealt with in different ways, and life changed. 3 years after our divorce, after lots of work on both sides, a chemistry still exists between us. But over time he has become more like a brother (whom incidently i miss greatly due to my decision not to have contact with him except for children's issues as a sign of respect for my current partner, who has a different relationship with his ex and finds it challenging to deal with my friendship with my ex) <p>My current partner is "the one" for this part of my life. I did not date for about 18 months after separating from my husband. Then I dated several men, always making sure they knew i was not interested in a long term relationship. This was because i knew, as you all do, that they were not "the one". When i met D, i knew instantly that we had a soul connection, and we have been together for over a year. It gets stronger every day, despite the complications that come from having 2 ex spouses,5 children, 2 houses and a dog between us!! He is the total opposite to my ex-husband, and that i believe is the key. Often our soulmates in the first part of our life allow us to complete some unfinished business that comes from our family of origin. We continue the relationships that we learned as children. Then we grow up, change and do some self reflection. Especially if we are forced to go through the pain and hurt that infidelity and divorce carry. But afterwards, we find we have grown into different people. So "the one" for us now, is usually very different from "the one" from our past relationship, and it is often a stronger connection as we seek this person from our soul, not from an unmet need from our youth. This has been my experience, and the experience of at least 4 people i know who have gone through sad and difficult divorces. These relationships are often deeper and stronger. <p>So don't do as i did, and despair forever over a lost soulmate, as you may find another in the opposite place to where you are looking. (by the way, i found that when i dated men who were like my ex. i found there was just no connection, but when i got rid of all my preconceived ideas on who attracted me etc and let my heart do the searching, i found myself a strong and rich relationship with someone who was very different from my ex- husband). I now find that my ex does not attract me as a partner / lover etc, but that a connection exists due to our shared past, our friendship. It takes time and work for this change to come about, but it has been rewarding work for me, and when i witness the growth and change in my ex i get the same feeling i get when one of my friends overcomes some challenge in their life.<p>Anyway, just sharing my experience 3 years down the track.... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 11:29 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 11:30 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

I have dated a few some better than others a few really great ones, there might hve been something there who knows, I was not ready yet, but I did want some woman in my life, each one that I dated really helped me learn something about myself and who I am, even more important each taught me what to really look for in a woman. I have been seeing someone now for a few months and I am giving her an honest chance here, she seems to have everything I like in a woman. I think it important to continue taking the risk of dating to see if there is a right one out there, And then giving a realationship time to develop. There were a few I went out with once and knew that it was only a one date thing and others I knew i had to give a chance, they fizzled to, but I still have hopes and I am learning alot. I quess what I am trying to say is relax and enjoy your life.

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 11:31 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>