I am not sure if what I am about to write has any relavence to this board, but I am feeling so overwhelmed I don't know where else to turn.<p>For those of you who don't know I was divorced 19 Oct 2001. Gosh its been 3 months already, I have been separated from XH since July 2001. I really think that I am over my XH, but I am feeling so down and so depressed right now, I don't know if my feelings have got to do with him or with my life or what...<p>I met this guy on the internet dating service, but he lives about 1500 kms away which I think is about 700 miles? Anyway with the distance involved we never got to meet in real life but were planning to. He was so perfect for me, my soul mate, we clicked immediately, you know, the connection of minds. We called each other and emailed and had msn chats, so we got to know each other, at least that which gets revealed over the net. There was something though that set me at alert. And that was when I would phone him, he'd get off the phone very quickly, abruptly but always apologised and had a reason to give me. I asked him countless times whether he was single and he affirmed he was. I was suspicious, the last time this happened, I told him we have to end the friendship. That was Friday. It felt almost as bad as my divorce, considering I have only known this guy since beginning of Dec 2001 that hardly seems logical - does it? The sense of loss was totally overwhelming, I feel totally devastated. So last night I wrote him a romantic email telling I still cared and that all I wanted to know was if he was single or not. Well I haven't received any reply from him, and now I feel I have laid my feelings open and I am being rejected yet again. I am so incredibly hurt. I don't know if these feelings are justified or not....<p>To top that off.... Today was a bad work day for me... I was told that people think that my attitude is not very good. I asked for back up of accusation, but none was forthcoming. My manager resigned so now the whole management structure is changing and I feel that I am being targeted. He admitted nothing was wrong with my work performance. I was so angry, I told him if I am giving attitude it is right there with him at the time I was speaking to him, I told him he'd definately know when I was giving attitude. I was so pissed. The reason that I think I might be getting targeted is because last week I found a list of the entire companies salaries on a company server for any one to view. I tried to be discreet about it, by going to my manager (that resigned - probably a spin off of the salary issue..), but it was leaked out and I still do not know exactly who knows about the list. The thing is that the salary structure from person to person is vastly unfair, basically a lot of politics involved there. So the guy who is crapping on me today ('scuse my french) was the one who was distributing this list around, until I informed the manager... this guy seems to be the one who is now going to be taking charge... My only option seems to be resign, which cannot do until I have another job lined up.<p>How does one person deal with all this? But then I know there are a lot of you, who probably have worse dilemmas that I have got... So I am sorry if I am whining, but I am still feeling overwhelmed. If you have read this far, thank you, I needed to vent and hopefully you guys can give me some feedback? ideas? input? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Pantha

It doesn't seem fair does it. I mean we have to go through all of this pain of the spouse leaving and then you'd think, well maybe now God will give me a break from the misery of life because of what I just went through with ex-spouse.<p>However, I have seen more of this - bad things happening to good people thing with others who have just gone through the loss of a spouse due to an affair, divorce etc.. <p>I will pray that these situations work out for you. Keep your trust in God that He everything that is happenening is for YOUR GOOD. Maybe the relationship was a learning experience to help you get through the period after the divorce adn now there is someone who lives closer and is better for you that you are about to meet.<p>Maybe there is a better job out there for you, but you would have never started to look if you didn't have to face this crisis at work.<p>I know you're probably not in the mood to hhear about the silver lining, but you can't give in to despair - you need to continue to hope and focus on the good - the wonderful changes that you've made in you, and the wonderful possibilities for your life. <p>I've been feeling down too lately, but we can't give up hope. We may not know the entire plan for our lives and how the plan will turn out - but we can trust that God does and that He will lead us in the right direction, so that we can have happy peaceful lives. Hang in there! K

Pantha - I just wanted to say that I feel for you..It seems that these @#%@ problems seem to come in groups.<p>From the description you provide about work, I can't see that there was anything close to bieng wrong w what you did. That's the problem w politics..<p>I think feeling loss at the end of a relationship is pretty normal. If you weren't comfortable, you need to set boundaries.. your feelings don't need to be justified..<p>Tommorrow will be better..<p>Dan

Thank you GiiC for pointing the silver lining [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
I never thought of it that way and it helps a bit to think those thoughts [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks Dan for your support! Its good to know that there are people out there that care.<p>Life just does seem vastly unfair... I saw a lady today get into an old run down car, with her daughter. I thought I want her life rather... I have a nice car, a house and no one to share my life with.... I see couples and I think I want what they have... My internet friend made me so happy, I miss him incredibly...<p>Pantha

Hey I'm posting again because this still remains very high as one of the worst days of my life. Its now 12:40 am which actually means its Thursday in South Africa... My night continued to get worse when there was a power failure. I was scared, but thought hey at least the electric fence has an 8 hour back up! Well surprise, surprise, it cuts out after 10 minutes. I live on property that borders a major national road, and lets bear in mind this is South Africa. Its at times like these that I get angry at my XH again, how could he leave me alone, to cope on my own. I never asked for this. Yeah I'm feeling deeply sorry for myself. Well electricity was back on after about an hour. Thank God. But my nerves were very rattled and thats basically why I find myself typing this post. Watched a sad movie on TV and cried my eyes out, both for the sad story of the girl on TV as well as for myself. <p>I dread having to go to work tomorrow... I hope that my manager (the one who has resigned) is there tomorrow, just so I can get his opinion on things. That would help me a great deal, as he is fair man and if it is that people have a problem with me well then I guess I need to change. Talk about kick a person when they are down... Its not like my self confidence and self esteem have taken a knock after the divorce (sarcasm..). Oh the other thing this guy tells me is that everyone in the company likes me. Hello? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Didn't he just tell me that they think my attitude is bad? I really don't care whether I am liked at work, I am there to do a job, it bothers me if someone doesn't like me, but if they are just neutral thats very cool with me. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyway thanks for reading my griping... <p>Pantha

Hi Pantha,<p>I am sorry things are up and down for you right now. I guess the roller coaster ride goes on for a while.<p>I like the message one of the posters gave you about God giving you your IM buddy to teach you to love and care again, and that now you are more ready for someone closer to home.........that just sounds right to me. Take heart in the fact that for a little while you had made a very nice connection with someone, and look forward to the future.<p>I can well imagine the fear of not having the electricity working......people who have not lived there may not understand the situation. I am glad you got through it. Do you have street guards? At least there is some comfort in them.<p>The work situation is a tricky one, and I know from my H's company, there is ALWAYS politics in SA'n companies (and guys in America - it is a heavily based ranking type system, mixed with the politics of the country - hope I said that right Pantha.) <p>I recall with H, that the managers were in the BIG houses provided by the company, even if they weren't married, had no kids etc, the plebs got the smaller ones, even if they had six kids, and as soon as you got a promotion, you HAD to move, even if you didn't want to.<p>I would think the person who made that list available is trying to cover his/her own a** by deflecting blame/attention onto you. Stay calm, be sure that you have done nothing wrong...........but do not get into a slinging match over it, that will just boost their case.<p>HEY! Why not try to Plan A this person! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Sorry to hear about you Job issue, but hang in there and go through the fire, you'll stronger at the end of it. As far as the relationship goes, you may not want to hear this but its best you save yourself some longterm heartache, This person is hiding the truth, all the signs point to just like my WS/W would tell the OM's she was single, seperated, divorced, while were in the same house, same bed and everything....therefore when I came near the PC, she closed screens [instant messenger] and said so and so said hi [a girlfriend we knew]...I'd be downstairs,she uptairs, I would be on my way up the steps, she'd hurriedly say " well so and so [fake code name] I have to go, I'll talk to later girl. Starting cleaning up herself on the computer [meaning files and cookies] because she was a dirty computer user.<p>Now that was 1 year ago and she still feeds these people the same line today....Please understand that your words are building his Ego or any many so be careful and set a high standard for yourself, don't be afraid also to do a background search on the JOKERS, its not wrong its public information, save yourself pain, do you want some man that beat his wife, steals, sexual predator that raps kids, etc....<p>Remember no man can Love two masters, either he will cling to one or to the other.
Its apparent he serving something or someone else.