Thinker,<p>what if we all requested that you never bring up OW again? how about you make a request of yourself to not bring up OW to yourself, or to anyone here?<p>working on thinker means learning/reprogramming your thought patterns to only think about relevant and meaningful topics. OW is not even on the need to know list. . . you are not focusing on thinker. . . what is thinker going to do next, how can thinker work to improve her weaknesses (such as bringing up the OW?)<p>how can thinker learn to stop comparing herself to anyone else in the world? that does not mean you can't respect someone and want to emulate or learn their honorable traits?<p>how about quitting your job and getting another one? now that is a response that does not require an immediate answer or a rebuttal, but requires thought from you as to the pros and the cons, and the steps it would take, etc. . . <p>taking care of thinker means to reduce thinker's exposure to stressors, or stress increasers. . . so make a list of high stressors in everyday life and try and figure away to cope with them . . . by avoiding them, or a way to relieve them. . . .<p>you dtill haven't got the hang of working on thinker. . . focusing on thinker. . . keep trying. . . and would you put up with working for any boss outside your family that verbally abuses you? so why do it now. . . .<p>now focus on what thinker needs to do with her life. . .<p>good luck<p>wiftty

Wiffty - I am trying to work on myself. I know I am a good person, and that SNL doesn't like me. I have faced that this past year, and it does hurt, but someone will like me as a loving person, that wants to spend the rest of his time with me. I am not a loner, I would love to spend time with oneone and grow old with them, and have grandchildren to share with them. <p>Part of the process, like talking to the Dr. today, is having questions answered. I can't just sweep these questions under a rug. Nothing gets accomplished like that. Dr. feels that answers needed to be answered by SNL, so am going to ask him to answer the questions. I have low self-esteem, and want to feel good about myself as fast as possible. Going to look at group therapy, going to find this over individual session. Seems that it will help to hear outhers point of views that have suffered as I have. She seems to feel group sessions are more favorable. <p>Wiffty, I am trying to help myself, want answers on why SNL did what he did, and states opposite to others, what SNL actually did here. Why does he tell others to do, what exactly the counselors told him to do, but didn't? Why he can forgive an adulterer, and can't seem to forgive thinker? Simple questions, simple answers are all I need. <p>Now is there anything wrong with asking this? Be honest with me, with what I was told by my GYN today, and would like to know if I am still going in the wrong direction. Please respond, thank you.<p>Also, SNL came home, didn't say anything to me, ate without even telling me he was home, went downstairs and he already took a shower, and was of course on the computer. SNL is very cold towards me, basically if looks cold tell you feelings, he sees me as the wicked witch of the west. I am just stating to you how I see it. SNL may see it differently, would like an apology from SNL on his actions, and verbal abuse. I didn't call him a name today, just told him I would not accept his anger, and did not need to listen to someone verbally abusing me. An apology would be nice, and I would forgive and move on. Will in due time. It hurts to have the person you love show such anger. He did something stupid the other day when I was with him on service calls, just said, yeah your under agreat amoung of stress, and changed the subject. I could of tore him to pieces, but why. He made an error, and it is over. You can't change it, just move on.<p>[ February 05, 2002: Message edited by: thinker ]</p>

Hi thinker,
Just wanted you to know I'm still reading and listening...<p>It sounds like your questions can only be answered by SNL...<p>What if you quit the family business altogether and went back to nursing? Didn't you say you are a nurse?

Thinker,<p>I am still here too........<p>I had this amazing thought! What if you and he can POJA on this............you ask the questions in a form which ONLY have a YES/NO answer, and that is ALL he is allowed to say? Instead of all the mumbo jumbo that he can come up with, instead of all the justifications, just a simple yes or no.<p>Wouldn't that help?<p>Also, it would mean that if he answered yes or no to something you don't like, you aren't allowed to ask why.........just accept the answer and go to the next question. This may help you BOTH get this stuff out in the open.<p>I know with the A in November, I wrote a list of q's that could only have a yes/no answer............he complied. This time, I still haven't had an admission of an A. Oh well.<p>Can you guys PLEASE try this??? It did a LOT for my recovery of the November A, it really did. I found I didn't have to make up scenarios anymore...I knew the way it went, and while that hurt, it was better. I think the imagination can be very cruel.<p>I truly hope this helps.<p>Love and much healing light,<p>Jacky

Wiffty - yes I have an LPN degree. I was injured at work doing nursing. I injured my R arm 12 years ago. I have a lifting maximum of 10#'s. When I went out on interviews to hospitals, clinics, and etc. after the surgeries were healed, They said I am too high risk. They would call me if they think they could use me. I would be responsible for my patients in case of a fall, or rolling out of bed, or something like that. I can't pick up a body, my arms are too weak. Thought of going into x-ray tech, but the x-ray trays can be up to 50#. Now am possibly thinking of looking into nutritionist. A possibility, will have to see how much education I will need. But for now, we need to keep the money coming in, many bills to pay, college, insurances we have to pay, dental, eye doctor, doctor visits, etc. <p>SNL apologized last night for being out of sorts. I cried to myself after he apologized, and we went to sleep. This was nice of SNL to admit that he was getting out of sorts, and I realized during the day he was, and sort of earlier in the day was trying to calm him down. Things are stressful with all to do around here, and the service calls are coming in, which is good. Helps pay the bills. It is ridiculous when a call comes in at 2am in the morning and then you tell the customer how much it is going to cost for an emergency call, all of a sudden they don't want you till the next day. Some people just don't have common sense. All you have to do is put a few more covers on the bed, and start calling in the morning. With this service company, we have found that todays society is quite weak. A little hot outside, and everyone is crying to fix their air-conditioner. I will say that mobile homes do get hot quite fast, but go outside and sit in the shade. Then it gets cold outside, and everyone is screaming for heat. We keep our house cool during the winter. Many people of today, would not survive in a severe depression. <p>Anna - yes, I would like to start out by answering questions with an simple yes or no. I think that would be a great start. Is something we could talk about. Our oldest daughter and I are leaving in the next hour for Wisconsin, we will be back late Thursday night, or very early Friday morning. A good time to chill out and enjoy the ride, enjoy the music, enjoy the sound of the engine, and see the dark come into our eyes. Would be great if we could see the stars, we will see tonight. Anyways, thanks for all your help. Will read when I get back. Am looking at all your feedback and praying for God to help me.

thinker,<p>i applaud questions, however, your posts do not ask questions about OW, or have sentences with a ? after them. . . . <p>there would be tons of answers here if you asked questions. . . and there are no questions about OW that you need to ask. . . you need to ask questions of thinker, of thinker's reasons for reactions, of thinker's reasons for feeling this or that. . . . of how thinker got into this situation, of how thinker and her reactions have been formed by her childhood experiences, and if your actions that are conditioned by your past are not productive, meaning you are contributing to your own problems, then you must lean some new responses. . . as an old time ship captain told me, "people usually make their own problems."<p>i don't know one question about OW that you NEED to ask. . . . now forget about her,
forget about thinking you are indispensible at work, start working on thinker . . . ,
start working on figuring out how to come to terms with your dad's passing, come to terms with a new job/career path, some education to support the nursing field. . . my mom is a school nurse, and doesn't lift anything, she's 75 years old and still working. . . so use your imagination. . .
learn some problem solving skills. . . take some problem solving classes. . .<p>os are you working on thinker yet?
counseling is a good place to start qith questions, yet there are tons of books to read to take the place of a counselor that you can start learning about, the best one to start with is<p>The Road Less travelled, since you haven't travelled it yet, it will be a good start. . to find a path that is spiritually correct. . .
spiritually has nothing to do with religion. . .
spitituality could care less what religion you are. . . <p>so how about it, can you get the book????<p>wiftty