My husband and I have been married for almost three years, and the last year has had its MAJOR ups and downs. His job is very stressful (he works for himself) and we are constantly having money problems. About once a month, he decides he is unhappy being married, but tells me he loves me, just not the situation. This makes me an emotional mess and after a day or so he is back to normal and is telling me how much he loves me and would never leave me. Well, you can imagine what this does my emotions. And it just keeps repeating. I need advice. I love him and do not want to divorce, but I also can't live with the emotional roller coaster.

Hope:<P>It sounds to me like your husband is overwhelmed by the responsibility of marriage. He is carrying the load of trying to make a business succeed, which can indeed be very stressful, and he also has to carry the additional “weight” of a wife. It can be very scary, especially for men, to even think of failing in business and financial dealings, and to have to worry about another person and how it might all affect them on top of that is pretty rough.<P>However, the wonderful thing about marriage is that joys are doubled and burdens are halved when shared. Your husband needs to find ways to see you as an ally rather than a foe. And you need to make sure that you are doing your share in showing him that you are on his side always. Allow your husband to talk about his concerns – even if they come out in a gruff manner – without freaking out. Let him feel your support so that he can carry forth as he needs to. Try not to overreact to his “threats”, but the next time he says that he doesn’t want to be married, do look in his eyes and ask him point blank, “Do you really mean that?” Point out to him how it makes you feel when he says those things to you. Tell him how much you love him and how it frightens you to hear those words come out of his mouth.<P>Just stay calm and keep being there for him. He’ll soon come to see that you are an indispensable friend that he couldn’t possibly do without – ESPECIALLY when times are tough. Good luck<BR>