About two weeks my wife and I had a discussion about our relationship. I had noticed that something was bothering her so I took the opportunity to talk. To get to the point quickly, she no longer has any feelings for me any more. At the time she said that I wasn't giving her attention. It is true I have not been doing so. I just assumed she knew I loved her. (We've been married for 18 years). There are a few issues that I know I have screwed up. To address these issues she and I have been going to councilling. One of the issues was kids. At the time we were married I had said I wanted two kids. However when it came time to deliver, I was deathly scared to have children because of my perceived inadaquacies. I have not lived up to this.<p>Two weeks ago my wife had told me that she no longer had feelings for me. She says she loves me but that is in a friend sense. She says she's in a wierd state (a confused state is a better way to put it). I love her dearly, however I rapidly learning I've come very short of showing it. The feelings I am going through are sadness, depression, grief, and anger at myself for being so dumb.<p>The other thing my wife mentioned to me is that she's spent 37 years satisfying others (e.g. parents and me), and now it is time for her to satisfy herself. I can understand how she feels because I felt the same way toward my domineering parents. I suppose I, with my type A personality am my parents son. (Looking back I regret hadn't sought help sooner).<p>I spoke to a couple of divorced friends. Both told me that she's made up her mind. She's virtually gone and we will be divorced. I wish they were wrong but unless I find evidence to the contrary, I'm afraid that they're right. Or are they right? My question is, with the appropriate professional help and a lot of work on my part, can this situation be reversed or is my marriage doomed?<p>Of course I haven't included all of the details, as it's difficult to summarize an 18 year relationship in just a few sentences. I hope I've given enough information to either give me the hope to make the effort or to tell me that I've lost my best friend.

read the stuff on this site especially plan a and b get the book his needs her needs and get to work, it is never to late to turn it around, you can make good changes and be happy

Hey Cy sorry to hear your delima but we all been down this road at the start just work on yourself and try to meet her needs she's ccomplaining about..
Here's a piece of a letter I found from year 2000 that my wife wrote she was going to give me, she don't know I have this so keep this a secret . <p>Letter:<p>Well, were faced now with a decision. We knew it would have to be made. You're right there is no communication, a lot of distance. Lets not pretend anymore. I don't want to fight. No one in this house is happy. We're not teenagers anymore. We can no longer fulfil each others needs. I'm not happy and hav'nt been for a long time. I've express to you on several occasions. You can't be happy either. I'm not the wife you need. I feel awful because while I may have once been her, I've changed and you've changed. With each effort I make to become her I dislike myself that much more because its not who I've become. We have diff ideas about many things. Thats not good or bad it just shows we are to very different people.<p>
Now all that sounds good, justified, meaningful. But the only problem was she was in an Emotional Affair at the time and I didnt know it, not saying your wife is. As you see my wife is excusing herself from the relationship and also giving me the reason why I should move on. AS you see she left the relationship many years ago as she said she was unhappy thats why you are so in shock and caught off gaurd. But I do my wife is going through a MLC, therefore hang in there and read and pray.

could you clarify something, it sounds like you said your wife wanted children, and you reneged...is that true, you have no kids? I can't imagine a bigger betrayal (next to that, an affair is hardly a walk in the park), why do you think she would want to be married to you? Do you plan to have kids now? She wanted a family, and has nothing, it is easy to understand why she would be done.