<p>[ February 11, 2002: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</p>

God is in Control...<p>Ouch..I can relate to the "NOW DAD TELL'S ME"<p>And the "I gave into him throughout our entire marriage" is another thing..if you 'gave in' you were in essence giving up control of our life to
'be loved' to have someone 'love you' -- why should he appreciate your giving in? When he apparently (from what you have said) didn't respect you to begin with...That was YOUR role..to
give in..to do what he wanted, when 'he' wanted..
and you weren't supposed to disagree or have your own opinion on anything..(women aren't supposed to have a brain or a thought of their own..dontcha know??)<p>You said your inlaws called you the 'bickersons' what is their relationship like? Does it appear that his mom always agrees w/ whatever his dad says? and they 'never' disagree? If so, it's possible that his dad worked hard over the years to get there--or she may have grown up believing that women never have a thought of their own..by watching her own parents..(maybe you can talk to her about that?)maybe his dad had numerous affairs that his mother overlooked..because he provided financially..No, it doesn't make your h's actions right..nor am I trying to make excuses for why he is the way he is..because HE can change..he just chooses not too because he doesn't see it as a problem..<p>And it sounds like your father respected your mom's opinion in things..and raised you to be able to speak you opinion..and taught you that your opinion is just as important as anyone elses..<p>Not sure how long you two have been married..but it 'sounds' like he's trying to break you into submission--thinking submission is 'always' one person giving into the other..it's more than just being selfish..it's a way of thinking..it's a belief system that is learned even in subtle ways..

<p>[ February 11, 2002: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</p>

Hi K-<p>I saw this so I thought I'd respond here too. I highly recommend getting the courts on your side. I too gave in constantly. Of course I did it to keep the peace and keep him happy, but all it got me was no respect from him and a ton of resentment for both of us. I have nobody to blame but myself, but I am learning.

What I have found since my H left is that he still expects me to back down and can get down right nasty when I don't. Of course I realize that he has learned over time that I will back down when pressured so of course he is going to try, old habits die hard. Now that I don't, although he was really nasty at first, he is not pressuring me nearly as much and is not near as nasty. There is more respect and things go much more smoothly.<p>This is where the law really helped. Where in the past I got a lot of I don't want to, I don't have to, etc. Now I have a court agreement that he signed and I simply refer to it when he acts up. I have only had to threaten to file a motion once for something he failed to do. If nothing else it has given me some reinforcement in the backbone area and that has helped immensely.<p>If you always gave in to your husbands demands, he will still expect you to do so, even in your current circumstances. Remember, they are in the fog so they don't realize how far fetched their actions and requests sound to rational people. <p>I really believe it is about setting boundaries. You may not get your husband back, but you will at least establish a life that you can deal with.<p>Hang in there!<p>K