My wife of 3 years has decided to file for divorce. Basically, she's "unhappy". She is (or seeks to be fairly religious) and via moral grounds believes that our marriage was not blessed because she thinks that she married someone who was not Christian. Ie- I didn't attend church regularly, regardless of a belief in God and acceptance of Jesus. The fact that I've been attending with her regularly doesn't play into the picture.<p>Anway, we've been seperated for about 2 months and I drew up a seperation agree of us. I invited her over to read it and told her that if there was anything she didn't agree with that we could talk about it and we'd fix it.<p>She was VERY upset after reading it and told me that because I wrote "those things" that I must not trust her at all and think that she's going to screw me.<p>The agreement stated pretty standard stuff:<p>1) The assumption of all debts incured after the seperation are the responsibility of the party incuring them.<p>2) I will pay her $ XXX and she will not seek access to my 401k/IRA/stock options.<p>3) Neither party will sell off property that is jointly owned.<p>4) Neither party will attempt to gain joint credit accounts or use personal information the other party's personal information for the purpose of obtaining loans, income, etc.<p>etc<p>Basically pretty general self-preservation things and things that we've agreed on up front. Things that protect BOTH of us.<p>
She found these things VERY upsetting, stormed out of the house and refused to even discuss them with me.<p>I do not think my wife would ever do any of the above things, but I understood they should be written out as part of the agreement.<p>She told me that my "actions" (listing these items) spoke louder than my words - telling her that I do trust her and that I had hurt her feelings badly.<p>I don't want to hurt my wife, but I don't know how to deal with this situation either. <p>Anyone have any advice?

First, Darin, I think your wife interpreted the situation correctly: you do not trust her.<p>Nor should you.<p>The absurdity of her self-justification indicates that she is deep in "the fog", as does her strong emotional reaction to the natural results of her own choices.<p>She is badly conflicted, and you are getting the blame. When that happens, you can't worry too much about offending her or hurting her feelings, because you have negligible control over such things.<p>You've just got to try to do what's right, and let the chips fall where they may. You can assure her of your love, but don't try to pretend that you trust her.<p>Believe me, I know what I am talking about. After almost twelve years of marriage during which neither I nor my wife ever gave each other any reason not to trust each other, old issues from my wife's past caught up with her and she fled our marriage in fear and confusion. Her subsequent efforts at self-justification led her ever deeper into self-delusion to the extent that she apparently thinks I am some kind of monster deserving of every kind of punishment she can bring to bear. Her ruthlessness and her bizarre accusations have gone far beyond anything I could ever have imagined.<p>If anything, this pattern is more typical than not.<p>So beware.

Steve. If you live in Texas there is no such thing as a seperation agreement... At least thats what numerous lawyers down here have told me. <p>However, every single thing can be negotiated. Everything. <p>And in Texas there is no benifit to filing first. <p>Tex.

Yes, just confirm what was already mentioned, there is not such a thing as a legal seperation in Texas. That was info I got from my lawyer, we just verbally aggreed on child support and who would have the kids, but once we do divorce, everything will be on paper.

Actually there are "temporary orders" in Texas that say these very things. Believe me...I know! It covers your credit, real estate, it covers just about everything. It ells you what your Support should be for now...but that could change at divorce time. One thing that I am learning....LAwyers are so expensive. I can get more from my H than my lawyer can. This is a fact. It is even in the papers that my H can't visit OW with my children present. He is living with her now...so that is making it a little difficult for him. The most important thing is to get everything in writing....you really can't trust your W....it's sad to say....but if whe left you...how do you know she won't do something else stupid?
HAng in there
MAx

Another thought is that she was shocked in to reality by the separation agreement. It was bad enough when my husband told me he wanted a divorce but two days later he handed me a divorce agreement he had worked out. I went ballistic. While she is the departing spouse, she might not have actually thought divorce completely through and seeing words in print might have been too much reality. Of course, it is never their fault so you will always be the non trusting person. My ex does not trust me because - well who knows why. I guess he has justified his actions by not trusting me. My heart goes out to you. Good luck.<p>erigby