<p>[ February 11, 2002: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</p>

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I answered another one of your posts and mentioned I was exactly where you are now one year ago. I was due with our third child in a month and filing for divorce after cheating spouse chose OW. Here are some things to think about:<p>*cancelling your joint credit card, but applying for a different now so you have one in your name only for emergencies.<p>*health insurance - are you covered through your H? If so, your coverage will end the date your divorce is final. He should continue to carry your children. <p>*Who will take over house payment/car payments/other bills.<p>Your first step will be to file a seperation agreement that will be in effect until final orders are given. Go for everything you want now -custody, financial, etc. because then a precedent will have been set, and he will still be feeling guilty enough to give you a fair deal. <p>That is all I can think of right now. I was in a fog during all this. You sound pretty damn strong! Maybe because you recognize the truth in your name. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] God IS in control!<p>Who Am I Now (Krista)

if you have a joint credit card and the debt is to be split on the card, then use the card to pay your lawyer.

Depending on what state you live in will determin how things get split. Before you file for divorce it is a good idea to get your own bank account and have a credit card in your name only. From the date the papers are filed in court everything joint is frozen. <p>During a divorce the two parties are emotional and don't always accept that the courts don't care about much about how you got there, but only about dividing the marital assets...all those things from the house to the car to the cat are termed "marital distribution." You and your spouse will be entitled to half of all things that were aquired from the day of the marriage to the day the papers were filed. Many people make the mistake of going on a buying frenzy with the credit cards...not smart. If that is done before the papers are filed...you are responsible for paying off half. Of course, as mentioned, every state is different. NJ is tough. One can't put their legal fees on a credit card.

Has he moved out? Make sure all his mail is forwarded to his new place of residence..<p>Did you work outside the home? if not you may be
entitled to alimony, half his retirement..if you
have a home, he'll get half the equity..but thats
not till it's sold..and since you are pregnant..that doesn't have to be till another 18 years..(you can say that..he can keep his retirement if he leaves the equity alone in the home)and then you won't have to sell it..just have it refinanced..or you could just get a quit claim deed on it..to take his name off the mortage..<p>I don't know about other states..but you need to make sure he keeps a life insurance policy on himself w/ the kids as beneficiary...that way if something happens..they will still be provided for..you'll also want to look into getting one for yourself if you don't already have one..and if you do that..(you may not have to worry...but I myself..had my sister listed as executor of the policy) that way the kids would get the money..when they need it..and dad can't drink it away..<p>If I can think of anything else I'll let you know...

Hi...<p>I'm sorry that you're having to deal with all of this. I know how hard, emotionally this can be.<p>The one thing I would recommend to you is to protect yourself. You have received some very useful information.<p>The MAJOR thing I found going through the divorce, was that I never thought my exh could be so MEAN and greedy. He argued for ever about CHILD SUPPORT !!!! The state has a set schedule that they must follow. I don't think he ever got it. <p>Anyway... right before my divorce process started... someone told me..."you never really know your spouse until you go through a divorce"
Its....so very true......<p>Keep your chin up... and get everything you deserve... but in reality.... no one "wins" in a divorce...<p>s