Hi All
I read a lot and post a little. I am feeling so down tonight. I spent some "quality time" with my STBX this weekend at my son's soccer game. We talked a lot...good stuff....not about us or anything ....just talk. Then later on in the day we went over the divorce proposal. It was difficult, but I did okay. I don't want this divorce....I would like more than anything for him to dump the OW and come home. She moved here with her son and then he moved in with her a few weeks ago.
He has been very depressed lately. I see it and he tells me about it but I do not know if the tramp he lives with sees that side. I hit him hard this weekend about our boys. He has seen them 3 hrs in over a month. They are 17 and 13....they know what he is doing and who "seems" more important to him. They have had to deal with the fact that Dad (a great father)....has decided to live with and become a family with strangers. Anyway...H was feeling like cr*p...said someteimes he feels like driving off a bridge....I gave him some photos of the kids and said that "this is why you don't jump off the bridge". The kids are upset with hime and are not exactly welcoming him with open arms...I do know that this is his problem and it is between them. I guess I made him feel bad enough and he called the kids and tried to set up some times to be with them.
I am happy for my boys.....but if my H fixes the problem with his kids.....then he will have what he wants...the tramp OW and his boys. I liked that he was hurting....I know that this is the best for my boys. I still love my H...I want him to come out of the "fog"..."blindeness"..."space"and come back home. I know that this is a dream...one that I don't think of all of the time...but something triggered it this weekend. My H couldn't look me in the eyes. I know that this might be a little set back....the old 3 steps forward ....5 back...but I would like to hug him and slap him at the same time. My H has never waivered from his "I don't love you anymore" speech. I will never believe it....anyway...thanks for letting me vent.
I'd welcome any suggestions or advice.
Thanks....
Max

Wish I could give you some encouragement, buy I am in the same boat. <p>My H desparately misses the kids...but doesn't want anything to do with me. I am an evil "witch" still. The OW has "finally made me happy after 25 years".<p>I try not to let this garbage bother me--but it does. It really hurts. <p>I don't know how someone who loved you could treat you so badly. It is so sad, it is really killing me inside. <p>Sorry, not a very good post for you. I have always loved my H--and I just feel used and thrown away.

Keep strong. We all feel your pain.<p>Divorce isn't what anybody here wants. My WH sounds just like yours - except he justifies his actions by trying to be super dad now (where was this super dad for the last 7 years?) Except for any empathy about my pregnancy. Anyway, I got the same I don't love you -it's him trying to rationalize what he's doing. <p>It is comforting to know that they are suffering somewhat - but unfortunately it's not enough guilt to make them do what's right. Especially with your situation having teenage sons, who really need a good example right now. Although, your boys may see how hurt you are and hopefully never do this to a girl.<p>Keep venting. It helps us all. K

Hi...<p>I was in the same boat as you. My now exh stated to me in dec/2001.."don't you ever get sad?"
Thay showed me that at some point they do think about what they have done... or what they're doing. My ex is still with his OW after 2 years. <p>Its heart breaking to see the kids. My kids only call him when they want something. What will ever benefit them. That happen tonight. My youngest asked the ex to take him somewhere. That is why he called him. <p>Its alot we have to deal with. Heck we didn't have the affair... but yet, we're the ones going to see a therapist, on anti-d's,reading everything we can... try to get over all of this. I guess I'll never understand it all.<p>There is one thing I know, we will be much further ahead in our lives mentally, emotionally and all when they get out of the so called "fog" or better yet..."midlife life crisis"<p>Keep your chin up. I took know exactly what you mean when you say... I could hug him, but yet slap him..... I have the exact same feelings.<p>Take Care.....<p>Blessings,
s

I don't have much to offer you, accept I have been there, after a year exw is still with other man, she left kids and grandkids for the love of her life and moved to another town, we have had very little contact from the day she left. I know she has been depressed and regrets what she has done. My therapist says the ws must go on as long as they can to prove to everyone they did the right thing and it will take along time for them to wake up. All I can say is while waiting for her to wake from the fog my life has got much better, I am really starting to enjoy it more and feel happy with out her, the pain comes and goes but it is managable.

Hi there-<p>I just wanted to say hang in there. You sound like so many of us here as is evident from all the replies. <p>It is hard to watch these people we love, who have treated us so badly, hold firm to their choices an yet be so miserable. If only we could wake them up, but unfortunately we can't, only they can change themselves. <p>I once told my WH that I am moving on and am content, but would feel so much better if I saw that he was happy. At least then as horrible as I would feel knowing he was happy with someone else, I would know that the change was a positive one for him. He simply said, "I know." It just goes to show how much affairs are like addictions and how out of control our WS's are.<p>Like Jabber says you can still love them, but while you wait for them to get out of the fog, take care of yourself. I have been and he is right, the pain gets less and comes less often because you will be happy with the rest of your life.<p>Take care and God bless!<p>K