Okay everybody, I need your help with this one. If you have all read the turn of events with me and my husband, then you will understand why I need help. Remember, my husband has always viewed counseling as something he would never in a million years do. Well, he has finally realised that he needs to get counseling and has already taken the steps to do that. Now that he has been approved and all for counseling, we are at our next hurdle.<p>Should he see a man or woman counselor?<p>My husbands issues go way back to childhood. Dealing with being raised watching his dad hit his mother, things he did as a teenager that he now regrets and is hurting over, why he is so angry at everybody and how to rebuild our marriage.<p>He is very, very scared and I am scared for him too. I want to be able to help him the best I can to choose the right counselor for him. I have already told him that the first counselor he sees may not be the right one for him and only he can determine that. I have also told him that he will need to find someone that can help with all of his past issues but also believes in the rebuilding of marriage. Now we just need to figure out if he will be more comfortable dealing with all of these pains and emotions with a man or a woman.<p>Any help any of you can offer would be great.<p>Thank you in advance.<p>Michele<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: sballplyr ]</p>

The girls and I are seeing a female counsellor but I choose that for them. Personally I prefer women but that's probably because I feel that I can relate to them better.<p>About 7 years ago, the 1st time my marriage was in trouble, I went to an older man counsellor and really found that to be a good experience.<p>As you know you have to be able to bond with whomever you're seeing and get comfortable talking with them. I see your husband as a "macho" man with a big ego. I'm not saying any of this in a bad sense just how I see him. So I guess I would think that he would do best with an older "Grey" haired wise man than anything else. I'm afraid that if he went to a younger man that he would not be able to open up due to his competative nature. And for some reason I just don't think he would do well with a woman counsellor.<p>Just my couple pennies worth........

I agree that your husband would probably do better with a guy. He may have a problem with seeing women as worthwhile because of seeing his mom get beat up. He probably wouldn't listen to directives given by a woman.<p>P.S. This stuff takes years to resolve. I wouldn't rush on the marriage building part yet. He will lapse if he has a safety net. And don't let him use his past as an excuse for his behavior today.

Hi Michele...<p>I don't think the issue is a male/female question as much as it is to find someone that he can relate to, won't feel judged by... it may take a few. But, if you try to control that... won't he perceive that as being manipulative?<p>I'd pray and ask God to bring the right person who can help restore healing and transformation in your H and ultimately in your marriage.<p>Hey, thanks for your encouragement. I don't know what roller coaster I'm on b/c I feel heaps better today than I did this time last night! I hate this ride!<p>Take care,
Nicole