Here is the situation that I would like some help on:<p>My W and I have been seperated for a little of two months. She filed shortly after she left (with the kids). I have been trying to reconcile alone since then. They have moved two hours drive away so it's not like I can stop by and see them on my way home from work or anything.<p>One the kids needs some dental work including braces. I would like her to get the work done close to me, in the hopes that before the braces come off, they will have moved back here. I would provide the transportation to and from on those days she needs to go to the dentist. My W would like to have the work done where they currently are. She also assumes that I will be paying for the entire procedure since we don't have dental insurance. The temporary orders indicate to me that I am only legally required to pay for half the procedure. But since my wife does not work outside the home (as far as I know), she may attempt to get me to pay for all of it.<p>First, let me assure you that the child will be getting the work done, there is no question in my mind about that. My question is what would be some good techniques to try and press the issue and have my W agree to have the procedure done here instead of where she is at. How hard can I press this issue without doing too much LBing?<p>Any suggestions would be a great help.
Thanks
jdb

Why did she move away? Why does she want a divorce? What is your relationship like with the child? With your wife?

Well, if your wife doesn't have a job it won't do much good to have her help pay for it, but if you are paying for it then I think you should be able to say where, when and with whom it is done.<p>You could bring that up in a non LBing way. Maybe run it by a third party whom she trusts. Remember that the spouse usually is thinking only of their interests at this point and I'm sure she's just thinking of what is convenient for her. <p>Maybe you can try some negotiation techniques and sit and talk about various alternatives. It's not an LB to talk about braces, just watch the tome of the conversation and don't do any LBs. K

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
Why did she move away? Why does she want a divorce? What is your relationship like with the child? With your wife?
<hr></blockquote><p>She has told me several reasons for her leaving. First it was because the kids considered me mean since I tended to be loud and the primary source of discipline in the home. The it was because she was angry with me for my apparent lack of compassion (ie, meanness). Then it was because of our distance -- I withdrew from everyone for the last few months prior to them leaving. I'm not even sure I know the real reason she left.<p>She said she wants a D because she thinks that there has been too much damage done and that there is no way we can reconcile. Again, I'm not sure this is the complete picture.<p>My relationship with the child that needs braces is great. In fact, she is the only one of the family that has accepted that I have truly changed and that the change is permanent. We get along great and she wants to come visit every chance she gets.<p>My W is still very angry with me plus she seems to be playing the kids against me to some degree. At the very least she is not being honest with them and that is giving the appearance that I am being less than cooperative. Which is not the case at all.<p>I am just wondering if I should push for having the dental work done here and if that would be a major thing in the LB arena.<p>Thanks
jdb

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
Well, if your wife doesn't have a job it won't do much good to have her help pay for it, but if you are paying for it then I think you should be able to say where, when and with whom it is done.
<hr></blockquote><p>I am paying her support so she does have some money to pay for some of this procedure, but you are correct, asking her to help pay would not be helping much. I agree that I should be able to determine where it gets done, But would this be considered a LB?<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
You could bring that up in a non LBing way. Maybe run it by a third party whom she trusts. Remember that the spouse usually is thinking only of their interests at this point and I'm sure she's just thinking of what is convenient for her.
<hr></blockquote><p>In her current state of anger at me, I'm not real sure if there is such a non-LBing way from her perspective. I have had a couple of other conversations with her about other issues and she just seems to get angrier. She thinks I am playing her and everyone else and that my calm appearance is an act. There really is no third party that I can approach to mediate with her. <p>She is only thinking of her interests and what is easiest for her. She is an avoider and tends to not want conflict. However, this is a point of conflict and I suspect she will be blaming me for anything that does not go her way. She is of the opinion that I am trying to win any way I can -- which is not true, but me saying that here does not really help her understand this.<p>
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Maybe you can try some negotiation techniques and sit and talk about various alternatives. It's not an LB to talk about braces, just watch the tome of the conversation and don't do any LBs.
<hr></blockquote><p>Correct, calm rational discussions about this is not a LB. However, I am just wondering if requiring, or appearing to require at the outset, that the procedure be done here would be considered a LB.<p>I will be trying some negotiation techniques of some sort. And yes, I will definately be watching how the tone goes. I am well capable of controling my emotions since I have done it during a conversation where she attacked me rather harshly. But I suspect she will view my negotiations as my attempt to win again.<p>Thanks
jdb