I don't know what to do right now or where to go. I have only been married 25 months but have spent most of those miserable. My husband is a functional alcoholic (I guess that's what it's called) and is so controlling I can't take it anymore. He controls everything in our marriage. I don't even think he has my name on any accounts and I don't have an ATM card or anything. I feel like a child. I have to let him know anytime I want to make a purchase and get permission. We both work full time. He makes alot more money than me but I make a decent living myself. He gets mad about stupid little things and than lectures me about them. WE never have screaming fights or anything just his lectures. I have given up on trying to make it work. The only thing that makes me happy is thinking about what I will do after I leave. I was taking night classes when I met him to finish my degree and he now won't let me finish. I really want to finish school. I have told him many times and threatened to leave on a couple of occasions only to receive empty promises to keep me there. It always goes right back to the way things were. I am scared to be in the car with him because of his "road rage" and he wants to race everyone else. He knows how much it scares me but still continues to drive like that (he is 39 by the way) Normally he acts sweet and nice like nothing is wrong and than all of a sudden he changes. I really can't explain it and I don't know what to do about it. Please share advice if you have any.<p>[This message has been edited by Elizabeth T (edited January 10, 2000).]

Boy I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH I HAVE BEEN MARRIED ONLY 3 YEARS AND HAVE ONLY BEEN HAPPY ONE OF THOSE 3 MY H DOES THE SAME THINGS THAT YOUR H DOES. HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC AND WHEN HE GETS DRUNK I GET LECTURES ABOUT EVERYTHING AND HE WON'T SHUT UP AND I WISH I COULD JUST KNOCK HIM IN THE MOUTH AND IF I SAY SOMETHING HE JUST BITES MY HEAD OFF EVEN MORE. AND THE ROAD RAGE--WELL WE HAVE A LITTLE BOY IN THE CAR WITH US AND HE STILL DRIVES LIKE A FREEKIN MANIACK. HE HAS HIS OWN WAYS OF THINGS IT'S HIS WAY OR NO WAY. SO I DO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM!<P>TP

tp<P>What if anything have you done about it. Have you been able to talk to him about it? I have tried to talk to my husband quite a few times and it falls on deaf ears. I think if I stay too much longer I will end up dying in a car accident. Fortunately we do not have any kids but he promised if we ever did he would not drive like that (I really don't believe it though). I find it funny that my life is not worth enough to him for him to slow down. Thanks for responding and please let me know what you are planning if you are planning anything. I am at the end of my rope and really don't know if there is much point continuing this marriage.

First a couple of questions.<P>1.)Has he ever hit you?<P>2.)Has he even threatened to harm you?<P>3.)Do you have any children in the home?<P>If the answer to either #1 or #2 is yes find a local battered womens shelter and go there immediately. This is even more important if the answer to #3 is yes as well.<P>Once at the shelter you can receive counseling legal and otherwise to guide you. You two need to be seperated so he can decide if he is going to get serious about fixing his problems. Even if he is he will need to prove that over a very long period of time. I am a strong proponent of saving marriages but your safety is more important right now. Even if he hasn't been violent yet it sound to me like that is only a matter time till that happens.<P>I would like to hear K sign in on this one too!<P>God Bless<BR>

I havae been through exactly what you are right now and let me tell you IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE.I was married to a drug addict alcholic for 11 years and it was exactly as you described. The reason I couldb't leave was fear of the unknown. Could I support myself and my two kids? Could I be a single parent successfully? How can I make it on my own? I found out all those questions after he blackened my eye and beat the crap out of me in front of my kids. My eight year old son tried to stop him and got thrown across the room. It was then that I had to do something so I moved out. It was tough, I won't lie to you, real tough. But I did it. I took it one step and one day at a time. Marriage isn't suppose to belike that. I am now married (5 years later) to a great guy. Oh we have our problems, but nothing like I had before. There is alife out there for you, you need to find the strength in yourself to find it. YOU CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM. You ow it to yourself to try.

Thank you Mudder and Shelleykg. We do not have any kids (Thank God) and he has never hit me. The scariest thing he has done is we were at a Christmas party one time and he was drinking alot so I was a little nervous so I asked him to have some coffee before we left and this infuriated him. He was driving at least 100 mph all the way home and even passed our exit because he was racing another car. It was the scariest thing in the world. He has driven crazy under the influence a couple of more times after that. I just can't explain him. Everyone thinks he is so perfect and my family just loves him. He is so mild tempered to everyone that they would be shocked to know about this. He also got really mad one time when I gave a food delivery man $2 more than I should have for tip. He was pounding on the ground and saying he shouldn't have to put up with someone so stupid. I feel like I am on egg shells all the time. I always have to think to myself "will this make him mad" before I do everything and if it does make him mad I get nervous. He doesn't really blow up or anything he just goes on and on about it and makes me feel like such a child. I really think I have fallen out of love but for some reason I can't get myself to leave. I feel so guilty for leaving him. I was such a strong person before we were married and this all just snuck up on me. AFter we were married he completely changed. He was mad that I had gained wait (I quit smoking and went from a 6 to a 10) and didn't speak to me on and off for a couple of months. I am also nervous about telling my family. I don't know how they will take the news. Especially since we haven't been married very long. Also, I have asked him to go to counseling before and he said no. I have also asked for a seperation before but he talked me out of it with empty promises. I know what I probably need to do and that is leave him but I don't know why I feel so bad and guilty about it like I didn't even give it a chance. Thanks again for listening.

The reckless and drunk driving is proof to me that you are in danger. I just want to encourage you to do as I recommended above. Do it NOW, TODAY!!