Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#720416 02/01/02 02:06 PM
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 2,580
R
RWD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 2,580
Today is the second anniversary of my divorce so since I haven't posted an update for while and haven't been on the board, I thought I post one.<p>Background, wife had an affair in spring 99, I found out about it a couple days after it turned physical. It was someone she worked with.<p>We tried counseling several times, with 3 different counselors, but each ended after 2-3 sessions because then wife went back seeing OM. <p>We have the world record for the shortest reconciliation attempt, all of about 5 hrs. X came home one day and said she caught om cheating on her with his wife and she would do whatever I asked to take her back. She then went to work, saw om and then told me I misunderstood what she was saying.<p>She moved out on July 2, 1999 into motel room and stayed there for week. OM paid for it. She then found an apartment, moved there and om moved in a few weeks later after leaving his wife. <p>During this time, we had the numerous reconciliation attempts until I found out on my birthday that she was seeing om again. At that point I had had enought and went and restarted the divorce papers she had started in Aug 99.<p>Things went quickly and we were divorced on Feb 1, 2000. I got everything I wanted, the house and my kids, ages 14 and 11. I gave up part of my pension and thats about it. X pays me child support of about $400/month. This was based on her working part time when we were married. She now works full time. I will probably seek additional cs next year. She as been fairly good about paying for extras if I ask, although it usually takes a few months.<p>She and om got married in Dec 2000 and live 2 miles away on other side of town. They live next to what used to be a good friend of mine. Now I no longer stop and see him and a couple times he has told me om isn't such a bad guy(he lends him stuff.)<p>X sees the kids every other weekend and 1-2 during the week. She misses out on a lot of after school stuff because she works 12 hr shifts.<p>My kids have done wonderfully following the divorce. They both went to counseling. My son went 1-2 times and counselor thought he was handling things okay. My d had a little mmore problem, part of which was becoming a teenager, and had a few more visits. <p>My s likes going over to visit his mom, but he has 2 friends nearby and he is always with them. I think my d has some probelme lately. She asked if she had to go this weekend. She usually spends most of the weekend with her friends.<p>My opinion is x treats them more like an aunt than a mother, but thats just my feeling.<p>My life is slowly moving on. I have struggled with the job and raising two kids, but it is slowly getting better.<p>I started dating soon after the divorce was final. And you know what, there are other people out there. I was so worried that I would never meet anyone or no one would want an "old" (46), with 2 kids. I was wrong.<p>I dated the first woman once. After that I could never reach her so I left her my phone number to call me. Never heard back. Then I met a school teacher from my son's school and we dated for a few months. Nothing serious. She broke it off saying she didn't think we could be any more than friends. Its funny, I see her at school functions and she goes out of her way to avoid me.<p>The third woman I dated, a blind date, was a few year younger than me and we really hit it off. After 3 months she said we needed to talk about our relationship. She broke up with me because she didn't like how I was raising my kids and she didn't want to be second to them and not know where her kids came. So that was the end of that.<p>I have to admit, that it was painful and brought back a lot of the old fears about being alone and no one wanting me.<p>One of the biggest things that got me through all this was counseling. I went to counseling for over a year and went back last year with some problems stemming from my x and some other personal issues. I also developed a friendship with a minister who was very down to earth and easy to talk to. Also new friend I made who had gone through a lot of what I did, was there too.<p>That brings me up to today. I have been seeinga divorced mother of two boys for over a year now. She lives 70 miles from me so we only get to see each other about every other weekend. Its tough sometimes, but we get together when we can. We have briefly talked marriage but I think we are both a little afraid of that. The biggest hinderance though is the kids and blending them. Her kids are both pretty intellectual and mine are both sports oriented so they are kind of polar opposites.<p>So were just are taking things one day at atime and enjoying being together when we can. <p>I feel I about 95% back to "normal." I still get resentful and angry at x like last night when I had to be at 2 places at one time and no one was around to help me. But for the most part, I don't think too much about x or the past.

#720417 02/01/02 02:52 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
Thanks for the update RWD. I do remember you and your story, and I'm happy to hear you're able to move ahead and feel some peace.<p>But you know, I AM going to ask the inevitable question, which is ..... "Is your ex and OM happy in their marriage?"<p>By my calculations they have been together for a little over 2 years. But don't know when their "A hit light of day" date. Just very curious.<p>In regards to the children being opposites, well I think that may make it a better mix in the long run. They can share their strengths with one another and could make being a member of that family more interesting. <p>God Bless,
Jo<p>[ February 01, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

#720418 02/01/02 05:05 PM
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
HI RWD! <p>It is good to hear from you again. It does sound as if life is moving along fairly well for you. Nice of you to update.<p>Must go but hopefully you will come back more often.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

#720419 02/01/02 06:51 PM
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
N
NSR Offline
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
It's so good to hear another success story.<p>I posted my update about 2 week ago...
...and I too... got so many kind replies.<p>Your life and my life have taken similar courses...
...but my xW (while she still lives with the OM) has not married him... yet.<p>Post every once in a while...
...it is nice to see the "old names"...
...when you've gone through similar problems.<p>I try to post too...
...but, your are right...
...single parenthood.... takes alot of work!<p>Hang in there!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

#720420 02/01/02 07:40 PM
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 2,580
R
RWD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 2,580
Jo,
As far as I know they are still "happy." He comes to the kids events every once in a while, but usually x comes and sits by herself. They must still be "in love." He takes her to work periodically. She changed jobs and instead of working at the local hospital which she loved and means everything to her when we were married, she now works at some small country hospital 20 miles away. She left the local hospital because "they" were out to get her. OM was fired not too long after out divorce. I'm not sure if he works full time or not. Don't care either.<p>x just picked up son for her weekend. She didn't say a word to me which has been a pattern unless she wants something. She dropped the kids stuff off the other morning, knocked on the door and drove away before I answered. My son had called earlier and left a message that "mom" was dropping him at school and would be dropping their stuff off. <p>She called me about 2 hrs later wanting info on my pension she has yet to collect from.<p>Well I gotta run, this is my weekend!!!!! No responsiblities!!!! Going to go see my girlfriend!

#720421 02/01/02 07:54 PM
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 233
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 233
Hi...<p>Its always nice to see someones update... I do remember you from way back when... its something how time does heal... I too still get angry/sad ...blah...blah...blah...but I find that I bounce back alot quicker from these times.<p>glad to hear ya got a girlfriend.... my gosh... 46 is not old (ok...so I'm a little younger than you..lol) I know its hard.... I have dated too... Right now I just don't feel like I have anything to offer... so I just date on a casual basis.
Friends, ya know.<p>Take care.... your kids are lucky to have you.
Keep up the good work...<p>Blessings,
s

#720422 02/03/02 02:22 AM
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 1,365
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 1,365
Hey Bob,<p>Sorry about the slight speed bumps you experienced in dating early on the road to coming back to the "living". Glad to hear you and the kids are doing well.<p>Gina and I are doing great, so I won't bother you with the details.<p>Good to hear from you.<p>Tim, aka Medic, the Village Idiot. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

#720423 02/03/02 07:43 PM
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,089
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,089
Hey RWD,<p>gosh it's good to hear from you.<p>I'm glad things seem to be getting smoother for you. 70 miles isn't that far is it, about 120 km's by my calculations. An hour's drive!!! But then, maths never was my strong suit!!!<p>My life is back on track, although haven't really walked that dating path again.<p>I've been out a couple of times with a couple of guys, but nothing serious. I did date someone for 8 weeks, but realised very early on that he wasn't right for me. I think I've got strong from all this, I ended that relationship very quickly but very diplomatically. Although I will admit to chickening out a little - I did the "Seinfeld" thing, you know, when George says "its' not you, it's me!!!..........."<p>Anyway, in two years, that's about it for me.<p>My ex has remarried, and has a baby on the way. She's a girl I used to fly with 10 years ago. Won't bore you with the whole story, but he kept that fact (that I knew her) secret for 6 months.
Lots of secrets in divorce aren't there???<p>It's so good to see some of the old names still lurk, and to know that everyone has seemingly survived this horrible trip and dare I say it - come out happy and better people.<p>I know what you mean about not finding someone who wants you - single with 2 kids. Yep, that's me. Although a 'bit' younger than you my friend!!!! (just joking) But you know what, I firmly believe that there is someone out there for each of us.<p>Anyway, now I'm waffling........<p>have a great day, and hope you enjoyed your weekend with your lady<p>hugs<p>Jo

#720424 02/03/02 10:59 PM
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 484
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 484
I was so glad to read your update.<p>Hope you had a wonderful weekend. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I am really glad that you and your kids are doing well and that you are 95% back. Now it is the "regular" teen problems that you will have to deal with....and I know you will survive this too [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I have been separated for nearly 3 years and still not divorced. WS uses every legal means to mix up the finances, manipulate the kids, yada yada yada,which does make it painful but reinforces for me why I am happy on my own without him,and he is no longer someone who can take me down with him. I could not care less in terms of his life and the gf who he is still with after 4 years. The kids stuff and the destruction he has caused and continued to cause pains me,breaks my heart,but there is little I can do.<p>I have started social dating, and I am learning as I go, having fun in a way that cannot hurt me as I am not in a place where I even would want to get involved with another other than as a friend.<p>It is insane out there...and my friends and I have a lot of laughs...and that is what this is all about.<p>Take care

#720425 02/04/02 02:07 AM
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,260
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,260
Good for you! We are a strong bunch aren't we?! It is really nice to get the long term picture. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it always seems to be the right thing eventually.

#720426 02/04/02 08:48 PM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,832
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,832
Bob,<p>I was happy to read your update. You sound so good! Glad God is blessing your life. Sounds like things might work out with this latest lady. Good for you! You deserve so much happiness! And forget worrying about the age - hey, I'm there, too! There are many wonderful people out there, unfortunately many in the same boat as us. God does open other doors in our lives. We just have to be willing to look for them and then ready to step through them.<p>I am truly happy you are at 95%!!!! Go, Bob!!!!<p>Best wishes, Desiree

#720427 02/05/02 12:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 600
7
711 Offline
Member
Offline
Member
7
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 600
Hey Bob!<p>What a great update! I'm glad you did the update because it is great to see some of the other old timers posting as well.<p>Of course, you know my story. But, for the others, I have also been on a bumpy road since my divorce (May 2000) but I'm still alive and kicking.<p>Now, I'm dating only here and there and going much slower than the earlier days right after my divorce. Life is a lot less stressful now than in the year 2000.<p>Glad to hear that everyone else is surviving as well.<p>Take care,
Jen<p>____________________
Dated x for 5 years, then married 13 years
Separated Feb 2000 (x wanted to pursue 20 yr. old girl at office)
Divorced May 2000
2 well-adjusted children
Two 6 month relationships after divorce (neither worked - imagine that!)
7 months single and finally adjusting

#720428 02/05/02 06:00 PM
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 327
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 327
Hi RWD,<p>Good to hear the update. And it gives me hope that maybe, maybe I'll find someone nice too one of these days (I'm 45 and worried about the prospects out there....plus I live in the middle of nowhere).<p>I must say, it's great too to see so many "old" names here. My STBXH is still with the OW after two years to....no marriage in the works as far as I know.<p>Him and I just did the final review of the divorce paperwork and now it's going to the lawyer to send on thru. He's even paying for it.<p>Anyway, good luck with Ms. "70 Miles Away!"<p>Aloha,
Ms.O
:-)

#720429 02/09/02 10:38 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 1,213
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 1,213
((((((((((((((BOB))))))))))))))<p>Even though I've only been divorced 16 months, it's been 2+ years since exH left. Sometimes it feels like the longest 2 year period of my life. So exhausting, such a struggle. It is amazing what we got through and what we learn. I remember all your posts and you've come a long way, you should be proud of yourself!
Hugs, Dana

#720430 02/12/02 04:04 PM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 794
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 794
Hi Bob,<p>Haven't posted or even visited the board in quite some time. My life has been a whirlwind of activity. I'm so glad to hear that you're back on track. <p>I'm happy to report that I, too, have found someone special to share my life with. I wasn't looking, didn't think I was ready and really struggled and resisted getting involved. But, he stole my heart. He is a very sweet guy and I truly believe that he is more devoted to me than H ever was. His wife walked out on him, so we have similar backgrounds and this, I think, is why we appreciate each other so much.<p>It's so nice to emerge from the darkness and have some sunshine back in your life, isn't it?


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 304 guests, and 80 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
arielwilson, Insight Therapy, Debby Woman, Comfortable Shoe, Sourdine
71,849 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5