I'm new to this board, but been around EN and for a while.<p>Most of my story can be found on Persistant's thread at JFO<p>I really really don't want to be here. But I guess I'm pretty much out of hope. <p>H and I have been around the MB block, so to speak for nearly 5 years. We have all the books, been to the weekend, counselled with Jennifer in 1998, email counselled with Dr. W H, and are currently working with Steve.<p>I'm out of energy and out of Giver. <p>I've been through one ugly D and don't want to go there again. Just don't have the energy. I just want some peace and to raise my kids in an environment that is safe and caring.<p>Cerri<p>This is the link to Persistant's thread. It's very long and involved. Pretty much the life stories of 4 or 5 of us all in one thread. the last 3 or 4 pages probably give a good picture of where I am today. (It grows exponentially, so that would be pages 30-33)<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=001209

Haven't read your thread yet, but sometimes it's time for Plan B and or Plan D if you aren't getting anything from your spouse - marriages take two.<p>As long as you are working on yourself, and thinking about the best interest of the kids, that's about all you can do.<p>Pray about this, and God will lead you. K

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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cerri}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>It does come to a point where one person can't do it all by themselves. Nevertheless, I know it hurts. <p>I am so sorry. <p>
Kathi

Cerri,<p>My heart sank as I saw your name on D/D. I am so very sorry!<p>ANNA

Cerri,<p>We weren't both supposed to jump to this board on the same day! I think I got abandoned by everyone on the other board??? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But just because I got the papers I am not going to give up. I will continue to plan A, and I am trying to conduct myself through this process I am now in so that there are no bitter elements coming up. And I will continue to work/believe in reconciliation whether on this side or the other side of the Divorce line. <p>It already seems like the fog is lifting a little for W. We have had some of the best, most personal conversations in recent memory. Its as if she has been hiding her big secret desire to get divorced and is free that it is out in the open to deal with. Now its like we could actually make progress. Sometimes, I am feeling like she needs to take it all the way - like it is in her system to just feel what it is like to do this - she used to joke about wanting to divorce and then start all over and remarry. <p>I will not do anything to prevent a reconciliation - <p>~ Luc

Thanks GisinC, Kathi, Anna, and Luc for your responses and your thoughts.<p>Sitting in a public library crying is no fun, so I think I'll just lurk aroung the site for a while.<p>It's been a tough day, I re-initiated the D stuff I put on hold a year ago when we went to the MB weekend.<p>Since beginning counselling with Steve, it seems that things have gone from bad to worse. Protection which was never good, has become even less so. I've sunk to the point where I can't stand to see or talk to the man. Let alone be touched. And yet Steve keeps insisting that we work on meeting mutual needs for affection. <p>I just don't see how I can hang on any longer. Four plus years of abuse towards me and my kids, 2 plus years of infidelity and rampant sexual addiction, and needs not met for longer than I can remember have taken there toll.<p>Do I feel like I did everyting I could. No, of course not. Who ever does???? But there is no strength left in me.<p>I should have done Plan B a year ago. While I still loved him and cared enough to save the M.<p>Cerri

cerri-<p>I'd suggest you call Steve and leave him a message about your decision before your next session. At least that will give him time to contemplate the next move for you guys. I think you will still need some guidance through Plan B. Take care of yourself. No need to work on others' problems right now. We'll be thinking of you.<p>HoFS

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Luc:
<strong>Cerri,<p>We weren't both supposed to jump to this board on the same day! I think I got abandoned by everyone on the other board??? </strong><hr></blockquote><p>No, you guys didn't get abandoned. Next time you decide to go somewhere though, I want to know where you are going, and you still have to be back by curfew. No more sneaking away. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Luc, I posted over on your thread, and update this morning.<p>Cerri, how did your weekend go?