My husbands ex-wife seems to try to come between my husband and me. She calls him on the phone to discuss "their son" and when my husband is not available, she is very secretive about why she has called. My husband tells me what she calls about and usually it is about something small. She's on her 5th husband and that's kind of rocky. She tries to use myhusband for her emotional backing. I have heard him time and again tell her that he could care less about her privatae life and that the only connection they have is their son. This causes problems between us sometimes when she won't get the message. I don't want this woman to cause problems with us, sometimes this is very difficult when I get upset about something and he tries to defend her. She is very self centered and has a hard time understanding that he has a new life and family without her. Any suggestions?<p>[This message has been edited by shelleykg (edited January 13, 2000).]

Maybe I'm not in the right area to receive any responses, but let me try to reword this. I try very hard to have a good relationsip with my husbands ex-wife. Any time I do she undermines this by lying to my ss or husband. I have caught her several times doing so. I feel it is important to try to get along with her for my step-sons sake. I always have believed in open communication. I just don't know if I'm doing too much or not enough. How much should I tell my husband? I really need to try to work this out because of the friction is is causing in our family. If I need to go else where for help, by all means point me in the right direction. If anyone has suggestions, I'm open to try anything once. My family is suffering from this woman and I don't know what to do.

Sounds like this woman has a hard time recognizing people's boundaries or understanding the consequences of her current and previous actions. It is always stressful to deal with a person like that. The unfortunate part is that there isn't much you can do about her inappropriate behavior. The best thing is to try to work with your husband and agree to a common strategy between the two of you.<P>Try not to let her get you down too much. She really is just being what ever sort of a person she might be (note how I bite my tongue), and probably doesn't have the awareness of her own behavior required to understand what she is doing. It really is something quite external to you. It would be a shame if you let it upset you overly.<BR>

I hate to tell you this but get use to it. You married your husband and all his baggage. As long as there is a child involed you will have to put up with it. But there is hope maybe number six will be the love of her life and she will stop it. But until then just grin and bear it and ignore all the rest

Thank you for your responses. neither of you have said anything that I haven't thought or said to myself a thousand times before. It just begins to wear on the nerves after while. When I do have to deal with her I will try to grin and bear it. Thanks again!!!!!

I hear you. Hopefully you and your husband can keep the lines of communication open and work through this (ongoing) problem together. I wish you luck, perseverance, and a successful H number six for the nut.