Hello to all,<p> Could anyone tell me the differences, ramifications in child support, visitation etc. I am New York resident and as part of my separation agreement I have total custody. My husband is excellent paying child support and sees the children about 5 hours a week. I would like him to be a little more involved in their lives. He claims because he is so broke because of child support he can't do much with them, has to rent a room (true), can't take them for visitation etc. I see that it is better for them to have him in their lives. If I talk about shared custody does that mean he doesn't pay me child support? How about 1/2 medical, dental etc.? I have 4 children (all adopted - one reason I don't want them to feel abandonded by him). Does anyone know anyything about this or a good source of info? Of course I could call my lawyer but at $125.00 a half hour phone call I'm reluctant.
Kris

As long as both people are willing, you can be real creative re custody.
There is full custody where one person has the kids 100 % and visitation isn't necessaily shared. There is joint legal custody, meaning both parents have to sign for all leagal stuff...like when the kids go for their driver's license.<p>Because my ex and I live thousands of miles away from each other, we decided he could claim them as dependants and use that extra money to pay for plane tickets each year for visitation...worked fine till he remarried, then,,ooopps..someone forgot he was a Daddy...so the kids haven't gone to see him for many years and he still gets to claim them..<p>What ever you do get it all on paper..including college, how long child support remains in effect..the whole nine yards.<p>I have friends that are divorced that have standing Wed night dinner and game/movie nights as a family simply because now they're both broke, and want to both be in the kids lives...they've started including their new spouses...and it's been rocky, but working out to the best for the kids.<p>It may be possible to actually sit down and brainstorm some ideas.
Good Luck,
T

As I understand it there is "joint custody" and "sole custody". These mean the person/people with "custody" make life altering decisions for the minor child. Where they go to school, what religion they practice, what medical care is given, permission to marry, permission for driving, and permission for military service. Those are right off my papers. "Placement" or "Visitation" means where the childs body goes. You can do just about whatever you want for the wording of the custody and placement. Because of my husbands brain injury and sex addiction he has supervised visitation, but he really had an issue with the term "sole custody awarded to the mother." So, we said that there is "joint custody with all decisions concerning the children to the mother". He gets to say he has joint custody, but he can't do diddly. Be creative, figure out what you can do to make things work for your situation!

So he's broke and can't do much w/ the kids..
My kids live w/ me and I'm broke and can't do much outside the home with the kids..<p>He doesn't have to be a 'disneyland' dad..taking the kids to do 'fun' things whenever they are with him..<p>You said he rents a room, does that he mean he can't have the kids over night? Or could he have them over and they sleep on the floor? Can he get some boardgames and play those with the kids?
Does he have a tv and vcr? if so he can rent a video or two and order pizza..and make it a movie night..<p>I don't know..I just never understood why ppl think that just because they see thier kids a few hours a week the time has to be filled w/ doing things that cost lots of money..<p>Unfortunately you can't force him to be more involved in their lives..that has to come from inside himself..in really wanting to do that...
(I understand it's harder for some when they live
in different states, and cities and really can't do that) but when they live in the same city...
I tend to think it's an excuse..that they can't spend more time w/ them-- kids really don't require costly activities all the time..

AS far as I know, the child support doesn't make any different in regards to shared/joint custody or sole custody. One parent has to be declared the residential aprent and that is where the kids live. The non-residential parent still is responsible financially. The state determines what is the required cs payment .<p>There is a website divorcenet.com where I believe you can questions.

I think these definitions may vary slightly from state to state, but the gist of it is this:<p>There are 2 factors in custody - legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody is who has authority to make decisions and physical is where the children mainly reside. Normally, child support is paid to the custodial parent from the non-custodial parent. In the case of "joint physical custody" or "shared physical custody" you can write the agreement so that no support is paid. This assumes that both parents will contribute financially to the care of the children because both will have them about half the time.<p>In my case, we have joint custody with my x being the "primary custodian". We have a very liberal agreement regarding when the kids are there and when they are here. No every other weekend kind of thing. So far we have switched off every 2 nights. This is working well. No support is paid by either one of us to the other.