Hello,<p>I am new to this board. I have been married for only 10 months but we have been friends forever.
The problem is my husband is a person who internalizes his feelings. I never know what he is feeling. He has no sense of intimacy or romance. We have tried to work it out but to no avail. Then he gets upset and wonders why when we have an argument, I want a divorce. We have tried to go to counseling but that has not seemed to work either. I can't believe we would divorce over something this petty. This is also his second marriage. In his first, he went out and got a divorce and regretted it.
Now he is saying he can't trust me to stay in the marriage because I keep attacking the "covenant".
He doesn't even want to acknowledge how I feel.
PLEASE HELP!<p>[ February 05, 2002: Message edited by: morton ]<p>[ February 05, 2002: Message edited by: morton ]</p>

Try another counselor. You guys are definitely having communication problems that need to be addressed. And it's NOT a petty thing when neither of you seem to understand the other.<p>You've been friends forever? Then what has changed in the past 10 months? Have you changed? Has he?<p>I suggest going to another counselor because sometimes you're not going to work well with the first one you go to. If it's not working, you owe it to each other to give another one a try. Perhaps one with a different style, or a different system of beliefs. That is, you might be more comfortable with a pastoral counselor, as opposed to a secular one, or vice versa.<p>See if your husband is willing to read the MB pages with you. And there are other nice people on this board who can provide a whole bunch of links to info that might help.<p>It sounds like you belong in the Emotional Needs section for now. Your husband obviously isn't meeting some of yours right now, but bringing up divorce in arguments is a SERIOUS love buster (LB). Those are bad. They're destructive. So read the pages on MB right away. See where your LB's are, what EN's you can fulfill for him, and see if he'll read along with you.<p>It's possible that the effort you put forth in your research and understanding of Dr. harley's concepts might show him that you really do have respect for the covenant after all.<p>Good luck!<p>[ February 05, 2002: Message edited by: stable guy ]</p>

Thanks Stable Guy for your response. However, I think I am a day late and dollar short. He told me last night that he cannot trust me and he does not know if he can continue in this marriage. I told him that I know I have thrown divorce up before but if he could please give me one more chance? I asked him if he had any other issues and he said the only issue was the trust in me staying with him. I think he is going to file for divorce. I just cried and went up stairs. I have screwed up royally this time.