This is a long question, but I need help. My husband and I have been together for two years, have been married for about three months, and have a beautiful one year old daughter. I have a son from a previous relationship and he has six other children that do not live with us. Our problem is we fight constantly. When he does something that bothers me I try to talk to him, but he will not talk to me. Instead he either ignores me or teases me to get on my nerves and then I blow up and it gets even worse. We seem to have the same fights over and over because we can not get anything resolves. Our biggest argument is about his ex-wife. He has always made me feel second to her since we got together. I have had to sit in the car for an hour so he could talk with her privately, he has called her behind my back(normally when something important happens in his life), he has told her and me how pretty she is and what a geat body she has, etc. She finally had to tell him she did not want to talk to him and that if anyone had to call she wanted it to be me. I had begged him from the beginning not to do that stuff, but he said I won't feel wanted no matter what. We argue about the children. He only has his six year old son every other weekend, but the child gets away with everything while my children are diciplined for everything. I think they should be treated equally. He has also moved some man in our next door (we own it) that is going to prison in a monthfor dui and no one knows who he is. My husband has told me if I do not like it to leave. It is horrible, but I love him and I know he loves me. His first two wives left him and he thinks I will do the same. He also thinks that if you love someone you should stay with them no matter what. I have tried to tell him that I can only deal with so much. He is so scared about the future that he will not let us enjoy today. He will not go to counseling, he will not do anything because he tried with his ex. In every argument we have ever had he has told me I am not getting my way and I never have. I just keep giving. I don't want to leave him, but do I have a choice? How do I get through to him?

Just wanted to add that H is 47 and I am 21. He thinks since he is older he does not have to change. Also, I asked him out, he did not ask me.

Your husband’s previous marriages probably failed because he is lacking the marital skills necessary for maintaining romantic love. He does not seem to have learned from past relationships and until he decides to change his behavior he will continue down the same path. The one thing that he has not had in the past is you, and with a little coaching I think you can make all the difference in world. <P>Read every thing that you can find under concepts and Q&A on this site. I have been married for 15 years and I have learned so many helpful things here. Your husband is negative about counseling because it has been unsuccessful for him in the past. Dr Harley warns to be very cautious when it comes to marriage counseling. I heard him mention on his radio show that marriage counseling has one of the lowest consumer satisfactions rating of all services available. My parents run a counseling center and I am afraid of discussing Dr Harley’s concepts with them because I am afraid if they disagree with Dr Harley’s teachings then the image that I have of my parents as professionals would be tarnished. Reading the information here on this site will give you a huge insight on what is wrong in your marriage. Contact Steve Harley for a telephone counseling appointment. He can provide the coaching that you need to build lifelong happy relationship with your husband. <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html</A> <P><BR> <P><P>------------------<BR>Scott

It sounds to me like your H isn't over his ex. I am 21 myself, I dated a 36yr old for a while and he was divorced twice also. He didn't talk about his ex's too much, but when he did he got very emotional(that isn't common for him). He actually got tears in his eyes once. And one time we were in bed and he started talking about her and how petite she was and how much he loved her and always will. I now know he was not over her, which sounds a lot like your situation. Needless to say it did not work out. I am married now, with a two yr old son(whom I had when I was dating this other man). He was so sweet and took in my son like he was his own. But that didn't matter, because he acted like a twenty yr old himself. He didn't learn from his other marital mistakes and he was extremely hurt. So he put up walls and nobody could get in. Again, it sounds like your H has some things to learn, regardless of his age. This doesn't mean you can't make it work. But it will take time, I am sure. And he needs to confront his problems head on, and be honest with you about them.