My almost X has put himself in a dangerous position the OW's husband (who my X is sleeping with)or almost X has warned my X to stay away from his daughter(see his wife but not when his child isn't there), but so far he has not listened and the guy is furious and wants to tear his head off. <p>He Seriously wants to hurt him bad.<p> My X stated and agreed that we would respect that neither one of us would bring our children around another person unless we discussed it and talked it over with the kids and it was something that we knew was going to be a more perm. person in our lives, well he didn't keep that agreement and dropped the OW and the daughter on my kids one weekend. He and she still say we would be wrong to bring anyone into our lives around the children. <p>My question is what happens when they don't care to put the children first, and only think of themselves ? Why do they think it is one-sided they can do it but we shouldn't ??

From what I've read, it teaches kids that people/relationships are just throw a throw away commodity. That causes them to have problems later, like decades, in life in making a commitment to someone because they never saw a good role model in the parents, especially with the ws.<p>My x did the same thing borught the kids around the om real quick. She was going to take om to get our son when he was staying at her mothers and hour and half away. I found out and was furious. I told om to stay away form my kids. They did for a while. One night my son was crying and said om was hanging around the night before when the kids were at her/hi apartment. I confronted my x when she got off work and was almost arrested.<p>I really struggled with this. I finally had to accept it. X and om finally got married after living together for over a year.<p>Stand your ground, stop it if you can. Some people have got restraining orders. It really depends upon where you live.<p>I think the biggest reason the ws does this is to get acceptance from somewhere. IF you have your kids acceptance then they feel everything is alright

It's prett much just the selfish nature of a person in an A.<p>They aren't thinking clearly about anything else, so why think clearly about the children?<p>My WH would bring the kids around the OW and her kids because they thought that they weren't really doing anything wrong if they went out in public with the kids - they could say they were just friends from work.<p>However, I've heard that this backfires because the kids usually blame the other person for the breakup of their parents marriage and then it just makes it that much harder for everybody.<p>I also want to put no overnite visits with OP while the kids are at the house, but WH doesn't want to do that - he says it's a control thing on my part, and that he wouldn't do that - the problem is he has a track record of not being honest.<p>Hang in there. K

My feeling on this is because of the situation I believe it is important to put the kids first, he only has them every other weekend which gives him plenty of time to live his life the way he wants to,but when it is his time with them it should be devoted to them, and if someone asks him to do something at that time they should be important enough to him to say no I want to be with my kids, I don't think that is too much to ask?? I only get (if I am lucky) 4 days a month to do something for me. I think that is what he wants me to have no life and him to move on and go on with his no matter what. He is definitely the most selfish person I know.This more then all the other **** he put me through makes me sick to my stomach. I don't get it how some people can't put anything before themselves not even their children that they profess to love dearly!

This hits close to home for me. My xh is supposed to have my two boys (6 & 2) every other weekend but he only keeps them until Saturday afternoon. He is missing out on ALOT with the children. Thing that really makes me mad is that when ever the children are with him his ow is always there. He can't seem to take care of his children by himself. We did agree and put in the divorce papers that neither one of us will have someone else stay the night at our homes while the children are present. I put my foot down on that one. It is bad enough they have to see their father running around with this ow. Thing is, my boys don't understand, they don't comprehend what their father has done or what he is doing now. Everyone keeps telling me they will figure it out when they are older. I don't want them to hate their father but I do want them to know that what he did is wrong. <p>I believe deep in my heart that my xh does not love his children as much as he says he does. No father that loves his children walks out on his family and leaves with another woman. He has hurt his children as much as he has hurt me. No father can love their children and make them suffer the way they have. No father can love their children and spend so little time with them. He has his own life and if he loves his children as much as he says he does he would rearrange his schedule and not go out with his ow and friends and give his children more of his time. I am very upset that he is doing this to my boys but there is nothing I can do but be there for them.<p>Hang in there! Your children will comprehend on their own and make their own decisions on all of this. I am waiting for that day because I feel that my children need to know that all of this was wrong but in their own time.<p>Kathy

Hi Kimberly;
I am A.D.D. Funny; I didn't lie or cheat. But my wife didn't understand or try and understand my A.D.D. and this lead to our marriage's demise. When I lost focus or had to work three times as hard to remember or be thoughtful she translated this into me not caring. I am finishing my masters degree (again working three times as hard as the avg. Joe) not out drinking, cheating or even golfing. But A.D.D is also a gift. I can think of 5 things at a time and I am gifted with quick humor and a creative mind. A.D.D. men ( I'm sure you know this) have strong sex drives and addictive personalities (Gambling/Sex/Alchohol/Nicotine etc.). I worked hard to avoid these traps (except for the sex drive) and put the energy into work and school. Too much perhaps. I have three children and I fear for their peace of mind though our pending divorce. Their innocence is such a precious thing, I don't know how anyone could expose them to the complexity and awkwardness that comes with what you described. Convenient sex at that price is unconscienable. Good Luck. Gary

I understand and I have learned everything I could about A.D.D, but he has been using it as an excuse to do what he has done and continues to do, he is better when he takes his meds, I can deal with him much better and he is reasonible, but he will not stay on them, because he wants to party it up, I tried really hard to keep my family togeather, but he wouldn't meet me even 1/4 of the way. I made the best choice I could and I hope one day he gets the help he needs.
His problems go way beyond the A.D.D.<p>Hope everything works out for you.
Kimberly