Man oh Man, where is there a man, okay there are a few men out there, but where are the Christian men that are looking for an honest woman. I have been divorced 13 months and not even 1 real date. What is the problem here, do the nice guys want the woman to pursue? I want a man that wants to lead the relationship, so I wait for them to take the initative, is this asking too much..... [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 10, 2002: Message edited by: lizam ]</p>

Hi lizam! sorry you are lonely.<p>Got this in my email the other day - thought you might get a laugh out of it. Okay you men out there, quit boo'ing me and throwing those rotten vegetables. I didn't write it!.....!!!!<p>Who can understand men?...

1. The nice men are ugly. <p>2. The handsome men are not nice. <p>3. The handsome and nice men are gay. <p>4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. <p>5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. <p>6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money. <p>7. The handsome men without money are after our money. <p>8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough. <p>9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards. <p>10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!! <p>11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative. <p>NOW ....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN? <p>Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><p>Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.[/b][/QB]<hr></blockquote><p>Now ya tell me! My whole problem is I didn't stomp enough! <p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Stomp, stomp, stomp. I am hiding them all under my bed. Oh wait, I sleep on the couch, he got the bed. Here is my advice to you dear.

Put the word out. Tell your Pastor/Priest/Rev, the secretary at the church (they know Everyone), your second cousins, the people at work, the people at wherever. You don't have to make yourself seem horrid, just drop a hint or two that you wish you could find someone nice to spend some time with. Everybody has someone they think should be fixed up.<p>Take a class. Wine tasting, automotive body repair, underwater basket weaving. Your state U has an extention near you, there are the community colleges, the tech colleges, the Y, the fitness center.<p>Get a new group of friends, not to replace the old ones, just to expand your horizons. Meet someone from work or class for a cup of coffee or drink. <p>Volunteer somewhere, at the hospital and meet a nice single doctor maybe.<p>Put on a short skirt.. oh no, wait, that is my backup for those oh so lonely nights.....<p>They are out there. I promise. I am going to find one too. One of these days... But until then, keep on plugging, and it will happen.
Elizabeth

What state are you in? My brother has a friend he'd like to set up with someone....he's a nurse, late 30's, never married, Christian.......and if my brother says he's a good guy, then he's not a weirdo.<p>Anna

Liz,<p>As a nice man who wants all the things you do, all I can tell you, is a lot of us are on this board wondering the same thing about women. We try and try to recover our WS, and we are probably wasting our time. I agree with justthewife, do the things she suggested and always keep hope alive. Remember, there are men out there who are honorable, trustworthy and responsible. Unfortunately they have probably made the same wrong decisions that you have, and they need to be assured that it won't happen again

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by justthewife:
<strong>Take a class. ... automotive body repair...</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I saw a sitcom not too long ago and I can't remember which one, but 2 women signed up for an automotive class to meet men... the entire class was filled with women looking for men and no men!<p>LOL<p>Good luck! For me, I'm going to focus on myself and my 2 boys. I'm about to end my 2nd marriage and that's enough self inflicted wounds as I can take.<p> [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

I am in the same boat, I was waiting for husband to do something -anything to show me he wants our marriage and he did nothing, it has been two years since we had a marriage, we are now just getting divorced.<p> I have done alot of soul searching and am where I need to be,still I get lonely and wish I could fine someone who is honest and sincere, so far all I have found are the guys that left their wives or their wives left them for obvious reasons, so I go out with friends and have fun when I can and hope that someday I will find him, they say it is when your not looking that it happens for you, needless to say I walk around with my eyes closed everyday [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

We need a new forum column for personals? Send a note to Steve? Should they do it by interest, city, age? Start it up Liz!!!<p>Sending one large pair of boot to Phoenix so she can properly stomp any male person coming close.<p>[ February 07, 2002: Message edited by: cl ]</p>

lizam,<p>be serious. . . in your forties, the only quality men left are ones that accidently married a whacko, with an X who went and had a mid life crises. . . or is just plain crazy. . .<p>otherwise, they aren't quality relationship material. . . <p>now really, how many woman do you think there are left for us?<p>anyway, i suggest signing up to help on local kids sports clubs, like soccer clubs, where they need secretaries, schedulers, etc. . . take some courses, go back to school. . . do some volunteer work. . . go to areas where people have to interact, find some sunday morning sports clubs, and watch. . . take some sailing lessons at a nearby lake or yacht club. . .<p>gotta get out and then if you strike up a nice conversation, try and find out if the same type of people congregate at the same time at the same place . . . .<p>good luck
sg<p>and why do they have to be christian?<p>[ February 07, 2002: Message edited by: sportsguy ]</p>

Tell you something, I've been away from my x for over 6 years. Do you know how many local men I have been out with?<p>You can count them on you left little finger. <p>That's right. <p>One.<p>Met him through a personal ad I placed. He was a nice guy. Dumped me after 4 months. Just as well. I was far further down the healing path than was he. Besides, I was tired of eating only at restaurants where he had a buy-one-get-one-free coupon or they had a television so he could watch baseball or tennis. <p>So the men haven't been at the myriad of activities I've been involved in at my children's schools. Well, there was one nice guy I worked on a project with but nothing came of that - and I wasn't secure enough to ask him out though we were in each other's houses alone a few times. <p>They haven't been at son's soccer games and practice sessions. <p>They haven't been at church. <p>They haven't been at the parks or libraries when I've been there alone.<p>They haven't been at the three places I've worked. <p>They haven't been at the grocery store. <p>They haven't been at school - and I finished a 40 semester hour program. Wait, there was a guy about 19 years younger than me who thought I was beautiful. And there was the pregnant-looking guy who had long finger nails and who smoked but told me I had a great body and kept trying to walk me to my car.<p>Hey, maybe I could volunteer at a local hospital and maybe meet a doctor........<p>And, sportsguy, if you are a Christian, it just makes it easier if your partner is a Christian. You don't feel the tug and conflict that you might feel if you have to chose between activities such as a sporting event and church. You don't have to explain so much. You have a common source of strength. You have someplace to find comfort when you hurt. An ever present confidant with whom you can share your pain and anger. And in whose power and creativity you can rejoice. Besides, would you rather think the duckbilled platypus is a freak or a joke?

Thanks. liza [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

As far as the guy needing to be a Christian - well, my WH was a HUGE Christian when we met. I was, but not active at all.<p>I was so impressed with his Biblical knowledge and church involvement. He was a high school Sunday school teacher and an active usher. He went to church every Sunday (with meetings in between) and gave a big share of $$$ in the offering.<p>Whenever I'd get in his car he'd be listening to a Christian station. He'd sometimes read from the Bible when we were together. Always a prayer before meals.<p>Since getting married he listens to all sorts of crazy young kid rock music, no prayers at all and definately no more reading the Song of Solomon. He blows off church events or meetings and rarely organizes youth events.<p>He always told me that because he was such a good Christian he would never hurt me and would always revere me! He informed me early in our dating that he was looking for a Christian woman and would accept nothing less.<p>So be careful of those Christian men as well! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Good luck!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Oh Baby, you should have been married to my X! husband. He also had alot of Christian knowledge, God spoke to him often. People really liked him, he said all the right things, and did alot of the right things in public, but................ "will the real [censored] please stand up" I am keeping my eye out for the real mccoy this time, I see Red flags dangling off the heads of other single christian men that others think I should get to know better. Maybe they are really only yellow flags, but at this point I won't go near a man with anything but a white flag of peace. <p>Poor men, you have to just feel sorry for them. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 10, 2002: Message edited by: lizam ]</p>

Given what I have said, I will add that I, too, had one of those good Christian men and a fat lot of good it did me. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] But I would think it would make it easier for there to be that commonality.<p>However, people do forget that Christians struggle and they fail and they falter. And they are just ordinarty blokes like those who have no belief in any higher power. But they are called to a highter level of personal accountability. Which is what makes it altogether more tragic when a marriage fails. <p>Personally, I have found God to be a great source of strength - especially when I feel I have done all I can do in a situation and I need for things to unfold for me or for someone else. I find Him to be more a source of strength than a rescuer at this stage of my life. I keep doing my work and asking Him for answers and things keep coming out ok. And I maintain that it is a combination of my work and my faith that He will provide the opportunities and answers I need.<p>Could I love a man who does not believe in God? Yes. Would it be my first choice? No. I think I would feel like there is something missing that should, in my opinion, be there.

Please put up sights to see where we can find a good christian man, who believes in committment, does not commit adultery, and who is not a liar. Am going in the same boat as the rest of you, am going to start looking in all the places for a good christian man, that wants to be with this one special person only. Not like my soon to be x-husband.

(sorry 1st post; posted vs. replied)
Lizam:
You don't have to be the aggressor; but meet em half way. You need a vision for the kind of life you want and the kind of person you want to share that life with. Your vision needs to include your children and be realistic based on who you are. Then you need to assess your god given strength's, talents; all the great things that you bring to this potential relationship. Take advantage of these along the way. What short comings or blind spots do you need to manage to help make this vision come true. Manage means to do this without trying to be someone else; just incremental changes (self improvement if you will). Then you need a strategy for "positioning" yourself and networking yourself into social situations that best enable you to meet this someone. Brain storm a number of alternatives for acheiving this. Build your self esteem (if it's already good - make it great). Know thy self and love thy self first. Self awareness is the most powerful interperonal advantage of all. You need to carefully prospect and qualify soul mates in advance; use your head and heart in balance (but mostly use your head).
If you carry hate or resentment; loose it. Life's too short to get weighed or slowed down by useless negative baggage. Forgiveness frees you not those who shed evil upon you. Take responsibility for your happiness; how you react to the cards you are dealt is "your choice" no one elses. Be bold, purposeful and inspiring; not the victim. Even all this isn't enough. You need a plan, and a support network to help you with personal accountibility to make this vision possible one key step, strategy, action at a time. I guess there is a beauty threshold requirement necessary to get things going. In my early years a pretty face with big boobs steered my boat. At 48 interesting women of character, who are comfortable with how they are and fun to be with intrege me. If you get this far you need to validate shared values, interests and sex drives (the real stuff - not the brochure some people project during the hunt). We're out here; search within; paint a picture of happiness in your mind; plan your strategies and critical path to achieving this dream life; and realize even then it won't be perfect. But it will be great. Good luck... Gary <p>st posting; In error I posted vs. replied.

It sounds to me like a full time job. I have been looking at my life under the 5 year 10 year plan, and the difference in my goals if I am on my own or connected to a new partner. I don't want to obsesse about the lack of men out here that are looking for an honest relationship. Personally I am working on balancing my desire to self protect, my desire to become better at connection, honesty and openess, and my desire not to scare people away with the intensity of these factors. The face and body are still intact so at least I have that going for me, but shucks, I never did have those big boobs [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Um, lizam, I'll give you one of mine. DD. I think the transplant will hold. They are very nice bosoms.
Elizabeth

I agree that it is really difficult to find men out there. Most are already in relationships and those that aren't usually are not a good match...
The problem I have found (in South Africa) is that drinking is some kind of a male sport... they all do it.... and it is quite worrying, because honestly I don't want a guy that drinks every night. Occational drinking, occationally getting wasted... cool! but every night??! no its not my kind of idea of a good match, and so far every guy that I have been out with can definately say he is one of the champions of the sport....<p>*sigh* where are the good guys?