I haven't been on in awhile, but I couldn't resist this...<p>A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.<p>He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at
the wall. She Watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.<p>"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she
steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?".<p>The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.<p>"Yes I do", she replies.
 
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" <p>"Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair  beside him.<p>The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"<p>I remember that too" she replies softly.
 
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I
would have gotten out today".<p>[ February 07, 2002: Message edited by: c00ker ]</p>

I LOVE IT!!!

Hi cOOker! Great to "see" you! Good one!<p>I'll add to your thread<p>The good, the bad and the ugly......<p>
1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.<p>2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.<p>3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.<p>4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.<p>5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.<p>6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.<p>7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.<p>8. Good: The postman is early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.<p>9. Good! : Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.<p>10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.

WORDS WITH TWO MEANINGS<p>
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.<p>2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another
Male........Playing football without a cup.<p>3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.<p>4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.<p>5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex<p>6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male........A source of entertainment, self-statement male bonding.<p>7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.<p>8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes

MAN V. WOMAN<p>I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. Also, I never have figured out how sexual desire gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words, "I do." One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she then says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT?!" So she says the words that I and every other husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep. The very next day the we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them! She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each, to which I say, "OK." And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited! She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked
for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while." Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man." I figure that I might be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw of 2003.<p>[ February 07, 2002: Message edited by: sballplyr ]</p>

I got some big chuckles out of these. Thanks!